


A Perfect Heart's Length Away

by StaircaseScorpius



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: Book: Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, Epistolary, Gen, Good Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter Next Generation, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Compliant, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Spoilers, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Fourth Year, Letters, Malfoy Family Feels (Harry Potter), Owl Post (Harry Potter), Post-Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, Pre-Relationship, Scorpius Malfoy & Albus Severus Potter Friendship, Slytherin Albus Severus Potter, Slytherin Scorpius Malfoy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-06-24 04:09:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 57,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19715935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StaircaseScorpius/pseuds/StaircaseScorpius
Summary: Once the dust has settled after their fateful trip back in time to Godric's Hollow, Albus Potter and Scorpius Malfoy return to their fourth year at Hogwarts, but not everything falls neatly back into place. Memories of the suffering they witnessed won't be easily forgotten, their relationships with their parents are tricky to navigate, and their friendship is under more strain than ever.They find that sometimes, writing letters is the best way to express the things that are too difficult to say out loud.





	1. November

_Sunday 15 th November_

Dear Albus,

I’m sending this right after your dad and I flooed back home so it should reach you at Hogwarts tomorrow. Will you write back straight away and let me know how your first night back went? We don’t need a long letter, but I know your dad is bound to worry himself sick over whether you’re alright. I hope Scorpius is doing okay too. I am sorry to have kept the two of you apart for so long with just those couple of visits, but after we got back from Godric’s Hollow I think we all needed a couple of weeks to figure some things out and recover.

Give my love to James and Lily next time you see them of course, and tell James that if he’s already eaten all those chocolate frogs your Uncle Ron sent him last week and not saved you any, then he will officially be my least favourite child. I’ll write you a proper letter soon, my love.

All my love,

Mum

* * *

_Sunday 15 th November_

Draco,

Just a note to let you know Albus is back at Hogwarts today, Harry and I dropped him off with Minerva and she mentioned that you’d brought Scorpius back yesterday too. How’s he doing? Albus has been very quiet but insisted he was ready to be back at school. I’ve spoken to him a few times about Delphi and what happened but I still don’t feel like I’ve had the full story.

He did tell me – after a few bad nights – that Delphi hurt Scorpius, tortured him to threaten Albus. I really, truly cannot apologise enough, Draco. I know Scorpius went along with Albus’s scheme because he trusted him and Harry and I will accept full responsibility for that. I’m so sorry Scorpius had to suffer and I hope you know that if he or you ever need to get away from the Manor for a few days or just need to talk, you can always get in touch.

Ginny

* * *

_Monday 16 th November_

Dear Mum,

I’m back in the dormitory now and Scorpius is here, we’re both fine. Thanks for coming to drop me off. It was nice to be at home for a while but I think it will be good to be back at school now and stay busy, and I’ve got quite a bit to catch up on. My first lesson tomorrow is double herbology with Professor Longbottom so at least that will be a good start to the day. I’ll tell him you said hi.

Scorpius is asking me to say hi from him to you as well.

Sorry, I got distracted and I’m writing the rest of this in the morning – I meant to owl this yesterday night but I just got your owl this morning so I guess it’s better we didn’t send both letters at the same time anyway. First night back was fine although I think Scorpius was dreaming about Godric’s Hollow. I’ll try and ask James about the chocolate frogs at dinner.

Albus

* * *

_Monday 16 th November_

Ginny,

Thank you for the note. Scorpius is indeed back at Hogwarts and I heard from him this morning to say that he was well and glad to have Albus back. I’m not going to pretend I haven’t struggled with the way Scorpius has been endangered as a result of your son’s actions but whatever my personal feelings on the situation, the fact remains that a powerful dark witch manipulated them both and that is not something I expect Albus to answer for. I appreciate your offer and will keep it in mind in the future.

Please also pass my thanks to Harry for the statement on Delphini and her true parentage which I saw in the Prophet yesterday. I can only hope this will put an end to that rumour once and for all.

Regards,

Draco

* * *

_Tuesday 17 th November_

Dear Dad,

I had my first day back in lessons properly today and it went pretty well, I got two questions right in Professor Longbottom’s quiz about flutterby bushes and me and Albus made a good Shrinking Solution in Potions this afternoon too. We had lunch in the library instead of the hall because we didn’t really want to be around everyone else but maybe we’ll go in tomorrow. I saw Madam Pince and she said she was glad to see me back and also that she had got a second edition of _King of Serpents_ which she has been saving for me, that’s the one about basilisks that she told me about last year! I’m going to go and pick it up on Saturday morning because I know if I get it before then I’ll just read the whole thing straight away instead of doing my homework.

I haven’t spoken much to the others in the dormitory apart from Albus of course, but they said hello and asked if I was alright. Albus seems okay but he’s really quiet, I’m not sure if he wants to talk about Delphi and everything yet so I don’t think I’m going to ask him about it. When I was at his house for that morning the other week he talked really briefly about watching the Potters (Lily and James Sr) die again like we all saw in Godric’s Hollow so I think that might still be bothering him. I still think about that too obviously but I suppose because they weren’t my grandparents then it’s not quite so bad.

Are you doing okay? Did you make a start on grandfather’s old library yet? I think you said that was the next room you wanted to sort out. It’s good that you’re going through all that stuff and getting rid of the things we don’t need or want. It reminds me of that year after grandfather and grandmother moved out when you and mum did that big spring clean and I got to help sometimes, although thinking about it now I was quite little so I imagine I probably got in the way more than I helped!

I don’t think I have very much else to update on so I’ll just sign off, but I’ll write again soon.

Love,

Scorpius

* * *

_Thursday 19 th November_

Dear Scorpius,

Thank you for the update, I’m glad that your first day back went well. Well done on your flutterby bush questions and your Shrinking Solution, and I hope _King of Serpents_ is as interesting as it sounds.

It’s been quiet here since you left, but I’ve been cataloguing more of your grandfather’s things (yes, I have started on the library) and I went over to the Ministry yesterday to speak to one of their archivists about some bits and pieces whose origins I was unsure of. There are hundreds of books but even more antiques, artefacts, totems, and so on. Sometimes I feel I should be opening a museum with all the historical objects we have around the house, although I’m not sure what your mum would have made of that.

It’s good to hear that Albus is doing okay but I do want to mention him briefly. Scorpius – I know that the two of you are close friends and I am glad that you each have someone for support, but you must understand that his recent actions put you in significant danger. I will not blame Albus for Delphi’s plot and I’m sure he never intended for any of those events to happen. That said, I must urge you to exercise the utmost caution and sensibility if he asks you to take part in any plan like that again. I’m proud of how you managed to stand up against Delphi and the wits you showed in foiling her plan but that does not mean you are ready to take on the world just yet. Remember that I know Harry Potter much better than you, and although you have told me plenty of times how different Albus is from his father, I can see certain similarities in the paths they chose for themselves. Please do not endanger yourself for the sake of that family.

Apologies for the seriousness of this letter. This has been playing on my mind for the past few days since you left and I felt it would have been remiss of me to say nothing on the subject. You are my greatest achievement and you know that I love you very much.

Dad

* * *

_Saturday 21 st November_

Hi Mum & Dad,

Albus update as promised: saw him a couple of times yesterday and he said lessons were going okay, he had a fair bit of homework but should be able to catch up this weekend (he and Scorpius were going to do study sessions together obviously) and I gave him three of the chocolate frogs from Uncle Ron so THERE I didn’t eat them all. Think he seems alright, not quite himself but definitely not as bad as he was right after Godric’s Hollow.

As for your favourite child, Gryffindor absolutely smashed Hufflepuff in our match this afternoon so I have officially decided to forgo all my homework for the rest of the school year and focus on quidditch because let’s be honest, it’s just a better choice for everyone involved. Please write to McGonagall and let her know I’m excused from all my classes, cheers.

Will write again next week but earlier if anything happens with Al.

James

* * *

_Sunday 22 nd November_

Dear Albus,

Hope your first week back has gone alright. How are lessons going, is there lots to catch up on? If there’s any work we can help out with to make sure you don’t get behind then just let us know, although you’ll have Scorpius for that too I suppose! I bet he’s glad to be back surrounded by schoolwork and books.

We had a letter from James yesterday where he wrote that he’d given you three chocolate frogs but we suspect this may be an embellishment of the truth. Let us know how many he actually gave you and we’ll send a few more if you like.

We’ve both been busy this week – your Dad with a couple of big cases and me with a round of interviews for the Harpies where they’re profiling some of their ‘all-stars’. We’re going to try and repaint the kitchen at the weekend too although at this rate we’re both so tired that we’ll probably end up sleeping half the time and then just watching telly.

How are you feeling more generally? I know that you can’t expect to feel as though nothing has happened right away but I hope that being back at school is helping you be a bit less shaken. It was very difficult seeing you so upset for that first week at home especially so please let me know if you’re still struggling.

All my love,

Mum

* * *

_Monday 23 rd November_

Dear Dad,

I got full marks on my Divination chart project today! I was the only one in the class to get full marks which is really nice actually because I don’t think I’ve ever come top by myself in Divination before. Albus was only a couple of marks off the top score too. I spent Sunday afternoon reading _King of Serpents_ and then I went over to the library to take it back and talked to Madam Pince about it for a while. She said she remembered when the basilisk hurt all those students back when you were at school and it made everything in the book seem a lot more real, especially since one of them was Albus’s mum.

I have been thinking about what you wrote last week and I understand what you mean but I really don’t think you need to be worried. Albus is my best friend and he would never do anything to put me or anyone else in danger. What happened with Delphi was as much my fault as his and I know he feels terrible about it and probably will forever, because it’s Albus and you know how he keeps everything in his head that way. I think that after everything that happened I can see more ways he is similar to his dad too, but I think he just needs to have good friends and family who can be there when he needs help or wants to talk through decisions. I want to be there for him all the time because I know he will be for me. I’ll still remember what you said though and I’ll try and stand up for myself more if I’m ever in dangerous situations again.

Love,

Scorpius

* * *

_Wednesday 25 th November_

Dear Mum,

Thanks for the letter. James actually did give me three chocolate frogs so you don’t need to be mad at him. Although I did see him trying to dye Lily’s pygmy puff green with some gurdyroot paste he must have nicked from Potions so you could maybe tell him off for that. I’m doing okay with homework, Scorpius has helped me catch up with most things, he’s so clever that it’s been a bit easier for him and he enjoys all the work so much anyway.

I’m doing alright, I am trying to pay proper attention in lessons and stuff but I am still thinking about everything a lot. I feel bad that I hurt so many people over something so stupid, and that I made you and dad so worried. I’m fine though and Scorp is being really nice and keeps asking me to play exploding snap and things so that’s fun.

I’ve got a Charms essay to do so I should probably sign off. Hope you and dad managed to do the kitchen painting. When are the Harpies interviews going to come out?

Albus

* * *

_Thursday 26 th November_

Dear Dad,

I’m sorry for writing out of turn and so soon after my other letter but it’s night-time and I needed to write to someone because I can’t really sleep. Everyone else is sleeping but I was dreaming again and woke up and I’m writing in bed with just my wand for light so sorry if this is really shaky and difficult to read. Sometimes I wake Albus up when I have dreams like this but he’s been sleeping really badly since we got back and I don’t want to disturb him.

I was dreaming about the other world and about Godric’s Hollow and I thought you and Albus were dead and I had to watch you die, and then mum was there but actually not there when I tried to hug her and then it was Delphi instead. I don’t really want to go back to sleep. What do you think would have happened if I’d stayed in the dark world? And do you think we should have tried to save Lily and James? Maybe there was a way we could have saved them and still kept everything okay and then Albus wouldn’t have had to grow up without his grandparents and his dad wouldn’t have had to watch them die.

I think I’m rambling, I’m sorry, I will try to get back to sleep. I miss you dad and I love you so much.

Scorpius

* * *

_Friday 27 th November_

Dear Albus,

Mum and Dad here. We did some of the kitchen painting this weekend and then got bored so it’s half blue and half orange at the moment, oops. We’re going to try and get it done for Christmas! The Harpies interviews aren’t out until the New Year but your grandma has already requested 20 additional copies so if you want to read it, there will be plenty around.

There are a couple of things we have been discussing this week which we wanted to write to you about, Al. We should probably have talked about these while you were staying here at home but we hadn’t quite figured out what to say then.

The first is that we want you to know that we don’t blame you in any way for what happened with Delphi. We know we reacted harshly at the beginning when we didn’t understand the full situation, but now we can see that she had a very powerful influence on a lot of people and that you and Scorpius were just a small part of a plan she had been concocting for a very long time. We don’t want you to feel guilty about any of the things that happened because nobody is holding you responsible.

Second, we spoke to Professor McGonagall and she has agreed that if you need to speak to someone other than us about any worries or problems you have, you can go to see her. She also mentioned that the new nurse who has started working with Madam Pomfrey this year (Nurse Finch? We can’t quite remember his name) is trained to provide counselling and support for students too so if you find that your sleep is getting worse or you are feeling unhappy, please let somebody know. We don’t expect you to share everything with us if you don’t feel comfortable doing that, but we would like to know that you are taking care of yourself.

Thirdly, it’s only three weeks now until the Christmas holidays. We are hoping you will want to come home for Christmas but we were thinking that perhaps it might be best if we didn’t have all the Weasley side of the family to stay for the full week this year, perhaps just Christmas and Boxing Day – give ourselves a bit of peace and quiet? What do you think? Of course we still want to see them all and celebrate but we’re not sure that having them all to stay for a longer time would be a brilliant idea.

Finally (and you should already know this), we love you very much Albus. We always have and we always will.

Love,

Mum & Dad

* * *

_Friday 27 th November_

Dear Scorpius,

You don’t need to apologise for owling me, I would much rather know when something like this happens. How are you doing now? Are you having these dreams regularly?

You know that I have no memory of that other world so I can’t give you answers but please try to remember that it is just that – an ‘other’ world. It has no bearing on what has happened here in the real past. You mustn’t dwell on things like whether history could have been different, you will drive yourself mad. Albus has always known how his grandparents died and although it is certainly very sad, he and his father must make their own peace with that and should not be involving you.

Would you prefer to come home again? I know it’s only a few weeks until Christmas but I could speak to Professor McGonagall and ask for you to be excused. I’m sure you wouldn’t have a problem keeping up with your work.

Let me know.

Dad

* * *

_Sunday 29 th November_

Dear Mum & Dad

I read all the stuff you wrote and I’ll think about it all. I do think that some of what happened with Delphi is definitely my fault and especially because I was the one who persuaded Scorpius to come too and that ended up with him getting hurt and tortured. And some of the other stuff too.

I don’t know about going to see Professor McGonagall but I saw Nurse Finch the other week because he came to speak to all the Slytherins in the common room together and he does seem quite nice. I don’t know if it would really help to talk about anything though because it’s all happened now anyway and is in the past.

Writing this bit the next day sorry – I fell asleep last night but then Scorpius was up half the night again so now it’s lunchtime and I only just got up. This time I only found him when I got up at about 3am and he said he’d been awake for hours but he didn’t want to disturb anyone else. He’s such an idiot sometimes because he should know that when he gets panicked like that, it’s better for him to just wake me and then I can sit with him for a bit and he’ll usually be alright.

Anyway about Christmas I think I agree about not having everyone to stay for the whole week, obviously they are family but they are kind of loud all the time. Maybe we could have Scorpius to stay for a night or two though? I don’t think his dad was going to do much for Christmas or New Year and he might be lonely. I worry about him.

Albus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! This is my first multi-chapter and it's been several months in the making so I'm excited to finally be posting. This is a completed fic and I'll be posting two chapters a week - next one coming on Wednesday!
> 
> Find me on Twitter and Tumblr @trolleybitch


	2. December

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the run-up to the Christmas holidays, but some are feeling the festive spirit more than others. Albus is struggling to sleep, Scorpius is burying himself in homework, and Draco and Ginny are reminded of loved ones they've lost.

_Tuesday 1 st December_

Draco, 

Hope you are doing well. Harry mentioned the other day that Vivian Entwistle from the Ministry archives had seen you about a few artefacts you were looking into - are you doing more work on the Manor collections? We have a pretty extensive archive and history department at the Prophet so if you ever need a hand looking something up here then I'd be happy to put you in touch with someone. 

Albus may already have mentioned something to Scorpius but Harry and I wondered whether the two of you might like to join us for a day or for dinner at some point over the Christmas break? We aren't planning to have the whole Weasley clan with us all week this year so it should be fairly low-key. I know Albus is certainly keen to have Scorpius round so if you weren't feeling like coming over then I'd be happy for him to come and stay on his own too. Let me know what you'd prefer and which days would suit you if you would like to come over. 

Also - I may be overstepping boundaries here so my apologies if that's the case - I know that Christmas is the time of year when I miss Fred the most and everything seems like a reminder that somebody is missing. If you're finding things difficult at the moment (or at any time) and you need to speak to someone, please let me know. 

Ginny

* * *

_Wednesday 2 nd December_

Dear Dad, 

I'm doing fine now, sorry for worrying you. I've had a few other dreams but not as bad as that, and after I sent the owl to you that night Albus actually got up anyway and we just stayed up and talked. He said that he is struggling to sleep at all, especially when he gets thinking about Delphi, so we both just agreed that we can wake each other up if we need to talk. It's easier that way because we both feel miles better when we can just speak about things, and to be honest a lot of the stuff in my dreams is bad because Albus wasn't there, so it's helpful to be able to see him and make sure he's definitely real. 

I know that thinking about changing the past is silly and I was rambling when I wrote that really. It's just really sad that Albus's dad had to watch what happened in Godric's Hollow and that he had to grow up without his parents. I know we only had mum for a while but at least I still have you and I think I'd have been really miserable if I hadn't ever had both of you. 

I think I'm okay to stay here until Christmas, that's what Albus is doing so we can hang out together after classes have finished and get the train back like normal. He said that his mum might be writing to ask you if we want to go round to theirs over the holidays, I'm not sure if she's sent the letter yet but if she does can we go? Albus said that we might be able to go and see them for New Year's Eve and I thought that would be nice. He gets on alright with his brother and sister but I know he finds them a bit difficult sometimes and I don't want him to be lonely when it's the holidays. 

Professor Binns gave me a 94 on my essay about the 1866 Giant War yesterday which is my highest ever mark from him, and he recommended some good books about the wars which I'm going to the library to get tomorrow. History of Magic has been really good this term actually and I'm definitely thinking about taking it for NEWTs. How are you getting on with going through all the things in the library at home?

Love,

Scorpius

* * *

_Friday 4 th December_

Ginny,

Thank you for your letter. Yes, I am working through some of the Malfoy collections and sorting and cataloguing the items. The Manor is frankly overflowing with things, mostly collected by my father and grandfather at the height of their wealth, and I think the only sensible option is to organise and perhaps donate them to somewhere which might find them of use or historical significance. It's an arduous process but is certainly keeping my thoughts occupied.

I appreciate your kind invitation. Scorpius has been informed by Albus and seems very eager to attend so on both our behalves I would like to accept. We will be entertaining my parents for a couple of days beginning on Boxing Day but otherwise we have no plans as yet. I believe Albus mentioned New Year's Eve to Scorpius; if he has that correctly then we would be free to attend a dinner on the 31st and although my preference would be to return home, I am happy for Scorpius to stay the night. I think he would enjoy it.

I'm sorry to hear that you find this time of year difficult. I confess that I also struggle to find the joy in the festive season without Astoria; it was always a favourite holiday for her and Scorpius. The Manor feels very large and very empty without them both. Last year I didn't decorate the house for Christmas because it felt too soon to be celebrating anything. This year I had planned to put up a tree for Scorpius when he returns from Hogwarts but as the time approaches I find the idea harder; every ornament and decoration reminds me of her and I am loathe to force those memories onto him. I don't suppose it gets much easier, but hopefully I can shield him from the worst of the grief this time of year brings. 

I'll await your owl with further confirmation of plans but once again, thank you for your invitation. 

Regards,

Draco

* * *

_Sunday 6 th December_

Hi Mum, hi Dad, 

Albus update again, talked to him for a bit at lunch and he was dead quiet, Scorpius was there of course and he seemed chattier. Both of them had a bunch of Transfiguration homework to do. I asked Al if he was sleeping okay and he nodded but Scorpius kind of elbowed him and then he admitted he'd had a couple of bad nights but that he was dealing with it okay. Didn't wanna push it. 

Talked a bit about Christmas too and they were both a bit more enthusiastic about that. Can't believe we're not doing proper Weasley Christmas this year though, I'll never have time to teach Hugo the James Potter rules of Exploding Snap if we only have a couple of days, and he's been nagging me about that for weeks. Lily says she wants to help Dad cook dinner this year so I'd start planning some easy side dishes or something for her if I were you, you know what that girl is like around a cauldron and it'll end up MESSY.

Will let you know if anything else comes up but otherwise see you at the end of next week. 

James

* * *

_Monday 7 th December_

Dear Scorpius, 

My apologies that I haven't the time to write a longer letter today, I have a few meetings at Gringotts and the Ministry which are taking up my time. Well done with your History of Magic essay, that's a very impressive mark. 

I have written to Ginny Potter and accepted her invitation for the both of us to attend dinner on New Year's Eve. She's assured me it will be 'low-key' given that the other Weasleys won't be in attendance. 

I assume that you haven't had any further bad dreams or you would have written to me about them? I know it will take some time to go back to normal after everything that happened but hopefully the Christmas break will give you some time to rest and relax. I will make a start on the decorations soon so that the house looks festive when you get back. I might not have time to put everything up but I'll do my best. 

I'm looking forward to having you home. 

Love,

Dad

* * *

_Tuesday 8 th December_

Dear Mum,

Thanks for sending over the scarf. It's strange because it was weirdly warm here for the first week of December but then the day before yesterday it suddenly snowed about 3 feet and went freezing. Anyway I have it now so I am less cold on the walks to Care of Magical Creatures and Herbology. Scorpius had been trying to lend me his scarf but I refused to let him, you know how skinny he is and how bad he is in extreme temperatures, I'm pretty sure he would die of hypothermia if he went outside at the moment without wearing at least 6 layers. 

Thanks for sorting everything out for Christmas too, Scorp is dead excited about New Year. He said they never really used to do anything on New Year's Eve at home because his mum usually couldn't stay up that late and he doesn't remember much from when he was little and she was better. Are we going to do hot chocolate and fireworks like normal, or not if Uncle Ron isn't there?

Albus

* * *

_Wednesday 9 th December_

Dear Albus,

You're welcome for the scarf. After that strange snowy week in October it has been oddly warm down here too, although we're forecast snow on Friday. I ran into Luna in Diagon Alley yesterday and she was blaming the weather on unusual crumple-horned snorkack activity near the North Pole, so I suppose that's one explanation. 

We've started getting all the decorations ready for Christmas and your dad has his menu sorted. He's doing all the usuals plus a fancy new chocolate cherry dessert he's invented for James and Lily since they are both still insistent they don't like Christmas pudding (sometimes you are very much the easiest child, you know). Has Scorpius decided if he's staying the night for New Year? He is very welcome and I know your dad is planning a 'Proper Potter Breakfast' on New Year's Day - he's really trying to make that name stick. 

I love you and can't wait to see you on Saturday. 

Mum

* * *

_Friday 11 th December_

Dear Mrs Potter,

I hope you don't mind me owling you directly. Thank you very much for your invitation to visit you and stay overnight on New Year's Eve, I'm really looking forward to it. 

I am writing to ask your advice about Albus's Christmas present. I have bought him a set of colour-shifting paints and some thestral-hair paintbrushes which I'm really hoping he will like. I'm not sure if he has painted anything for a while but he is always doodling over his notes from lessons and I've seen some of his actual sketches when he leaves them around now and then which I think are really good. He's talked a couple of times about how he used to paint a lot when he was younger too. Anyway I was wondering if you thought that it would be best for me to owl the presents to your house so that he can open them on Christmas Day or if it would be better for me to bring them with me at New Year?

I think it would be nice for him to have more things to open on Christmas Day because I know he's been feeling quite down since everything that happened, but I'm a bit nervous about not being there to explain why I've got him these specific presents and worried he might not like them. 

If you have the time to reply I would really like to hear what you think would be best. 

Thank you very much,

Scorpius Malfoy

* * *

_Sunday 13 th December_

Dear Scorpius,

Of course I don't mind you writing to me! It's lovely to hear from you. 

I think the paints and paintbrushes sound like beautiful gifts and I'm sure Albus will love them. I think if you're at all worried about not being there, you should bring them with you at New Year so that you can explain and see his reaction. He will like to know about all the thought you've put into them, and I always make sure that he and James and Lily have a more or less equal number of things to open on Christmas Day so you needn't worry about him feeling left out. 

We're all looking forward to you joining us for New Year. I know when you stayed with us over summer you said there wasn't much you didn't eat apart from fish, but do let me know if you have any other food preferences or if there's anything else you need when you're here. 

See you soon.

Ginny

* * *

_Wednesday 16 th December_

Dear Dad,

I know it's only a few days until I see you but I thought I'd write with an update anyway. We've only got a day and a half left of lessons before we finish the term properly because they've cancelled classes on Friday. Thursday afternoon is double History of Magic and everyone else is a bit annoyed that that's our final lesson but I'm really looking forward to it. I spoke to Professor Binns after our last lesson because I've read some of the books he recommended about the Giant Wars, and he said that he would be interested to hear my thoughts in more detail so I'm going to do an extra essay ready to hand in in January! It won't count for any extra marks but it will be good practice for our spring projects. 

Albus said I was mad to want to do extra work over the holidays but he did also say that I could send it to him to proof-read if I wanted to. He doesn't enjoy the research and essays as much as me but I think he's better at saying what he wants to say in a more structured way and organising his thoughts. 

I'm a bit worried about him to be honest, I don't think he is getting much sleep still. Quite often if I wake up in the night he still has his wand light on or his bed is empty and he must be down in the common room, and he looks really tired all the time. He seems to be getting his school work done on time okay and he says that he's alright but we haven't played exploding snap for a while because he doesn't really want to do much in the evenings. I've told him a couple of times that he can talk to me if he's not feeling well so I'll see if he says anything. Hopefully having a break over Christmas will be good for him. 

I've decided that I'm going to save Albus's presents and take them with us for New Year so that I can give them to him in person. Do we still have any of that wrapping paper left that mum used to use, with the holly berries? I thought that the boxes might look nice wrapped in that. 

I don't think you will have time to write a reply to get here by the time this reaches you so I will see you on Saturday at the station. I'm really looking forward to seeing you!

Love,

Scorpius

* * *

_Thursday 17 th December_

Dear Draco,

I've been decorating the house today and it reminded me of your letter. How are you getting on?

Fred used to adore Christmas too. He and George would always find ways to tamper with the tree or the food to play jokes on our grandparents and sometimes they'd let me in on their schemes and I thought they were the best thing in the world. It took me four or five Christmases after the Battle of Hogwarts to really allow myself to remember that again. I used to spend a lot of time in those in-between years trying to distract George and make him feel better somehow because I knew that everything I was feeling must have been a hundred times worse for him.

We spoke about it a couple of years ago though, and he said that although sometimes he'd felt like he wanted to be distracted from his thoughts, other times he'd just wanted to know that somebody else was feeling that low too, and I needn't have tried to hide that from him. I suppose what I'm getting at is that although I'm confident you are doing the best for Scorpius, there may be times that not speaking about Astoria to try and shield him from those memories might do more harm than good. If I could do everything over again with George I know I would have tried to speak to him more openly about Fred. 

Everyone deals with things differently, but perhaps Scorpius might be more willing to talk about Astoria than you think.

Best,

Ginny

* * *

_Friday 18 th December_

Dear Mum,

Sorry for a short letter, but I was thinking about New Year and having Scorpius round, and I realised that I should probably say he still doesn't eat fish, just in case Dad was planning to do that for dinner. Also he hasn't actually said anything to me about it but I've noticed he hasn't been eating pumpkin pasties since we've been back at school even though he used to have them all the time. I think the trolley witch freaked him out so don't be offended if he doesn't eat any when he's at ours (if we are going to have any anyway). Thought I should let you know because he'll be too polite to say anything otherwise. 

All fine with me, see you tomorrow.

Albus

* * *

_Friday 18 th December_

Ginny,

I appreciate your honesty and the opportunity to speak about Astoria and Fred openly. One thing I have noticed since losing Astoria is that others often go out of their way to euphemise and tiptoe around the subject, and refuse to give advice for fear of causing offence. Your letter was a welcome reprieve from that.

The situations are inherently quite different but I do understand your point about Scorpius. He is so like his mother and they both loved to talk which is not something that comes naturally to me. I am hopeful that the Christmas break will provide us with the time and space to make progress. You will probably be pleased to hear that our Christmas tree is up at the Manor so it will be waiting for Scorpius when he arrives home tomorrow. 

I hope you and your family have an enjoyable winter break and we look forward to joining you on New Year's Eve. I was planning to bring along some of the more expensive wine from the Manor cellar - it's not as though my father could take it with him to the care home - but please let me know if there's anything else you would like me to provide.

Best,

Draco

* * *

_Saturday 19 th December_

Mum, Dad,

Think the owl will be racing the train to get this to you but thought it was easier to write than try and have an actual private conversation at home (because when does that ever happen with Lily listening in at every door) - ran into Scorpius outside the Great Hall this morning and he said hi, I asked how Albus was and if he was packed, he said that he'd been helping Al with the packing but he also said something about being worried Al still isn't sleeping properly and that he seems really tired.

Could have been a throwaway comment (I don't know Scorpius that well) but Al did look pretty exhausted when I saw him the other day so might be something to keep an eye on.

See ya soon,

James

P.S. CHRISTMAAAAAAAASSSSSSSS WOOOOOOO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to everyone who read and commented on Chapter 1! Your support means the world and I hope Chapter 2 has lived up to expectations. 
> 
> Chapter 3 will be coming on Sunday and things start to get a little more dramatic over the Christmas holidays so watch this space...
> 
> Let me know your thoughts/musings/feedback/predictions in the comments or find me on Twitter and Tumblr @trolleybitch 💜


	3. Christmas & New Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus and Scorpius are back at home for the Christmas holidays and trying to navigate family life while still dealing with the aftermath of Godric's Hollow.

_Saturday 19 th December_

Dear Albus, 

It’s me! I just got back home, sorry that I didn’t say goodbye properly at the station but I didn’t want to interrupt with all the Weasleys there! Did you get back home alright in the car? We just apparated back but ever since your parents drove me in the car in summer I’ve actually been kind of jealous of you getting to go so many places by car, being in one made me feel like I was in one of those muggle movies. Although they do seem a bit unsafe, so hopefully you’re all home in one piece. 

Dad has actually decorated for Christmas! He’s put up a Christmas tree in our living room and some streamers on the fireplace and in the hall. It’s not as much as he and mum used to do when I was younger but last year we didn’t have anything at all so I think he must be feeling a bit better than he did back then. He seemed kind of nervous to show me though, like he thought I wouldn’t approve. But I told him it looked really nice and he seemed to be pleased. 

I’ve unpacked most of my stuff that I brought home and I think I’m going to make a start on Professor Binns’ essay about the Giant Wars tomorrow once I’ve got a few hours to recap all the reading I did and come up with a structure for it. Are you going to be alright with the essays you have? If you need to send stuff to me or you want me to help with research just say because you know I’m happy to help. 

How are Lily and James? James seemed very excited about Christmas when I bumped into him this morning so I imagine they will both be in good spirits. Does he have lots of work to do now he’s started with NEWT-level classes?

I’m really excited about New Year already, I think my dad is getting some of the posh wine out to bring with us and of course I can give you your present then. As long as you’re sure you don’t mind waiting? If you change your mind just let me know and I can owl it so it’s there in time for Christmas. 

Hope you’re feeling alright,

From Scorpius

* * *

_Sunday 20 th December_

Scorpius, 

Yes we got back fine in the car. That’s funny that you thought about being in a movie in the car over summer. Was it when you were listening to music and looking out the window? I remember you looking like you were daydreaming. 

It’s really nice that your dad decorated. Are you still thinking of trying to talk to him about your mum properly like you said? My parents haven’t put the tree up yet, I think they want us to do it all together as a family but I don’t know if I’m going to join in. I’d probably just do it wrong anyway. James is really excited about presents and Lily keeps going on about wanting it to snow so they’re both being pretty loud all the time. 

Homework should be fine, I haven’t done any yet but I will start at some point. And no that’s fine about the Christmas present, I’m saving yours for New Year as well. 

How was your first night back? Did you have any nightmares? 

Albus

* * *

_Monday 21 st December_

Dear Albus, 

I’m glad the car ride was okay! And yes that was the time I was thinking about being in a movie. I’m embarrassed now that I know it was that obvious! 

Dad seems like he’s trying really hard to be ‘in the festive spirit’ so I haven’t said anything about mum yet but I might try to soon. It’s like I was saying before that I just wish we could bring her up in conversation more, I feel like I can’t mention her because he might feel bad and I need to know if he actually minds or not. I still think about her all the time and he’s the only person who really remembers her like I do. 

You should definitely try and join in with the tree decorating if your family haven’t done it already, I think you would enjoy it. It’s nice to feel Christmassy I think. Your house sounds like the opposite of here, it’s so quiet most of the time that I can’t even tell there’s anyone else home. I’ve done loads of planning for my Giant Wars essay and I finished that Potions report this afternoon as well so I’ve just been in my room really and then with dad for meals, and sometimes reading together in the evening. I wish I had siblings or someone else around to talk to. Dad is great obviously but he’s quite quiet a lot of the time. 

I did have a few dreams last night but I got back to sleep okay so no need to worry. How much did you sleep?

From Scorpius

* * *

_Tuesday 22 nd December_

Scorpius,

I didn’t do the tree decorating. They all put it up yesterday afternoon and I just didn’t feel like it so I stayed upstairs and tried to do some Potions stuff but then Lily kept coming to knock on my door and distracting me. I think dad was a bit annoyed that I didn’t go down and help but I only would have killed the mood anyway and I kind of prefer being on my own. 

Maybe you can use the Christmas presents or decorations as a starting point to talk to your dad? Then you can talk about your mum a bit and bring up the topic of whether he minds you mentioning her? You can always talk about her to me but I know that’s not the same. 

What dreams did you have? If they were bad enough to wake you up then that’s not good. Did you manage to stay calm or did you go into panic mode? You can write to me in the night you know if that’s helpful, the owls usually only take about an hour at night so I might be able to write back if it’s urgent. You’ve told your dad right?

Albus

* * *

_Wednesday 23 rd December_

Dear Albus, 

That’s a shame about the tree decorating, I’m sure your family would have liked to have you there and you wouldn’t have done it wrong, but I understand if you wanted to be on your own for a while. How’s Potions going?

I haven’t really talked to dad much today, I think I might have upset him a bit. I was in the east wing of the house which is where mum used to spend a lot of time before she got really ill, and I found her piano which I didn’t realise we still had, it was all covered with dust sheets and had a bunch of stuff stacked on top. I got the cover off and everything and then it still had a load of her music books underneath and I tried playing some stuff - she taught me piano when I was little and I can just about remember how to read the music but I’m really bad at playing now (it turns out). Dad heard the noise and then turned up at the door after a while although I think he was standing outside for longer than I realised, and then when I saw him in the door he just turned and left and didn’t say anything, and I said sorry at dinner and asked if he minded me playing it and he shook his head but he didn’t say anything at all so I’m not sure what he meant really. I don’t know if I’ll go back to it or not, but it was quite nice to concentrate on something that wasn't homework like that for a while.

Honestly you really don’t need to worry, the dreams were just the same stuff about the other dark world and some about being in the Triwizard maze but I wasn’t awake for that long, and they weren’t as bad last night either. I think they are probably getting better! I haven’t told dad, I know he’d ask lots of questions and he’d think that it was all to do with mum as well and probably get sad thinking about her. 

You didn’t answer my question either, how much sleep have you had since you got back?

From Scorpius

P.S. Nearly Christmas Eve!!!

* * *

_Thursday 24 th December_

Scorpius,

I really think you should tell your dad about the dreams, you promised me you wouldn’t hide it from him once you were back home and he will want to know what’s going on. You’ve told me about the dark world ones before but what were you dreaming about the maze, is that new? 

You never told me you could play piano! How have we known each other for that long and you’ve never mentioned it once? Maybe your dad wasn’t upset, he was just surprised or thinking about your mum? You should just ask him though and talk about it. What did you play? Is it one of those big grand pianos?

Potions is fine, I did a couple of hundred words on the essay today while the others were all out carol singing. They’re all being super happy and Christmassy and they keep asking me to do stuff like that but I don’t think I want to. I’m not sure why really. 

And fine since you keep asking, I’m not sleeping much no. I was awake till about 5am yesterday and then I’ve been up since 7. I know you’ll probably shout at me but it’s not always that bad and I think it’s probably getting better.

Happy Christmas Eve. What are you doing for Christmas Day?

Albus

* * *

_Thursday 24 th December_

Dear Albus,

Two hours of sleep?? Al, this is getting worse, you should really tell someone. I know I don’t know anything but you can’t be functioning properly if that’s the only sleep you’re getting. Is it the same as at school where you have been trying to sleep but just can’t? Maybe one of your parents could make a sleeping draught?

Anyway yes technically I can play the piano but I am VERY BAD at it. Dad seemed in an alright mood at breakfast this morning so I decided to ask him and he said I hadn’t upset or annoyed him, he had just forgotten that the piano was still there but it was actually good that it was getting some use again, so I guess you were right. I went back this afternoon and sorted through some of the music and found some easy-looking pieces so I’m going to try and teach myself to get better I think. Most of the stuff mum used to play is classical music so I’m not sure of all the names and composers. It’s a grand piano but I think it’s a smaller size one, called a baby grand maybe? Mum was the only person who ever played it that I knew of but I think it’s an old Malfoy family thing, because it’s all mahogany with gilt edging and everything and you know what my grandparents were like about having everything made of mahogany and gold.

I don’t actually know what we’re doing for Christmas apart from the usual stuff, we always have eggs and bacon for breakfast in the kitchen and then exchange presents. Maybe play some board games? I feel like I probably shouldn’t do homework tomorrow, that wouldn’t be Christmassy. It’s about 9pm now as I’m writing and I’ve been in my room since dinner doing some more of my giants essay. You will try and do stuff with your family tomorrow too won’t you? I know you don’t feel like it but maybe it will help if you are just around them for a few hours? 

This will probably get to you in about an hour so still technically the 24th but Merry Christmas for tomorrow anyway. I hope you’re alright.

From Scorpius

Albus,

I wasn’t planning to write again until the morning but are you still awake? It’s quarter past one now so technically it’s Christmas Day. I was asleep for a bit but then I was dreaming again and I don’t want to wake dad but I don’t want to go back to sleep yet either. I didn’t want to say really but yes the dreams about the maze are new. I was in the dark world like how they normally start, then it changed to being lost in the maze, and I was running and running but I couldn't find my way out and it kept getting darker and scarier. It was awful, Al. I miss you.

Scorpius

Scorpius,

Yes I’m still awake, your owl got here just now, about five past two. Do you want me to try and floo there? I can maybe get past everyone although with the Weasleys here as well it’s a bit crowded and there's more people who could be listening. Just try and go through what we normally do, saying out loud all the things that are real and counting stuff in the room and breathing. And remember that the maze doesn't exist here, and there’s nothing that can hurt you now. Did anything else happen in the dream? I’m so sorry for everything that happened Scorp and I miss you too. I’m sending this now, let me know about the floo ASAP.

Al

Al,

I’m sorry you’re still awake but also sort of glad, just getting your letter made me feel a bit better. You don’t need to floo here, I’m feeling alright now I think and I don’t want you to end up getting shouted at for disturbing anyone in the house. You should try and get some sleep too, although I’m hoping you’ll already be asleep by the time this gets there because it’s almost three now. 

I know that all of that was in the past or in an alternate reality and everything is back to normal now, it’s just difficult to remember that when I’m by myself sometimes. I’d rather not talk about all the other details of the dream to be honest, I’m going to try not to think about it. 

Have you thought about the sleeping draught? Maybe talk to your parents in a day or two, I know it will probably be difficult over Christmas and Boxing Day. I hope you’re sleeping now and that you have a good Christmas Day. 

From Scorpius

Scorp,

I think your poor owl is going to pass out, it’s just past half three so she is going super-fast. Okay I won’t floo to you but I am happy to try if you need me to on another night you know. I’m probably going to sleep in a while, I feel really tired but when I tried to lie down for a bit earlier I was wide awake again. I’ve done some more Potions work though so that’s useful at least. 

I understand if you don’t want to talk about details but please try and keep telling yourself that the dreams are not real at all and that you’re completely safe now. And tell your dad!!

Al

* * *

_Friday 25 th December_

Scorpius,

I haven’t heard from you yet today, I hope everything is alright. It’s about half eight in the evening here now and everyone’s split off into different rooms so I’ve come back upstairs for a bit. You’ll be proud of me, I’ve been downstairs doing family stuff almost all day. I nearly left before Christmas dinner because I felt a bit rubbish but Lily persuaded me to stay. 

My dad and Uncle Ron made enough breakfast for about fifty people this morning so everyone was in the kitchen eating for ages and then we all unwrapped presents in the living room which was super cramped with everyone there. I got a new cloak from mum and dad, some good books from Aunt Hermione and Rose, loads of sweets from Uncle Ron and Uncle George like usual, my Weasley jumper from grandma, some weird muggle pens from granddad, some rare Romanian Longhorn dragon claw powder from Uncle Charlie, nothing from James yet because he forgot to order everything in time for it to be delivered, and a scarf from Lily. Teddy’s present was the coolest I think though, he made this sort of map of the sky, with all the stars and constellations and everything from the day and time I was born. I don’t know how to describe it really, it’s made of fabric with all shimmery threads through it and all the stars look like they move and twinkle somehow. I don’t know what any of the star stuff means really but it looks so cool. I’m going to bring it back with me and hang it up in the dorm. 

Then we all did family quidditch in the garden which was cold even with the warming charms. I was on a team with mum, Uncle George, Hugo, Teddy, and Aunt Hermione and we lost pretty badly but it was quite funny because grandma and granddad were the umpires and they kept acting as though they hadn’t seen all the goals against us and pretended that both teams were equal in the end, and Lily and Rose got so cross. 

Christmas dinner was massive as well obviously so I don’t think I’m going to eat anything else for about three days, but everyone else was chatty so I didn’t have to make conversation too much and nobody mentioned anything about all the stuff that happened at the beginning of term. 

Anyway that’s everything happening here really, but I was thinking about you a lot of the time as well, I wish we could have had you to stay today. It feels weird that we spend so much time together at school but then miss Christmas. What have you been doing today? 

Merry Christmas Scorp.

Albus

Will write tomorrow with a proper letter but wanted to get this to you before midnight. 

Merry Christmas Albus. 

Miss you,

Scorpius

Scorp,

What happened? Are you okay?

Al

* * *

_Saturday 26 th December_

Dear Albus, 

I’m really glad you had a good Christmas, it sounds lovely with so many people around and all the food and presents and proper festive fun, and I can’t wait to see Teddy’s star map. Sorry about the quidditch but I suppose with all those Weasleys and Potters it must have been a very competitive game.

Sorry for such a short letter yesterday, I meant to write to you of course but everything went a bit odd. After we were writing in the night on Christmas Eve I went back to sleep but then I ended up with really bad dreams again, I must have woken up dad down the hall and he came into my room and nearly gave me a heart attack because he woke me up so suddenly. He was quite worried so I had to tell him about the dreams and he asked loads of questions and wanted to know all the details so I told him basically everything. He was really quiet for a long time and just kind of sat with his head in his hands, and then he told me to get up and just left without saying anything else. He actually did make bacon and eggs for breakfast like normal for Christmas Day but we didn’t talk while we were eating or anything, and then he said we should go for a walk.

We apparated so I’m not sure where we actually were but we spent almost the whole day walking along this coast path, it was absolutely freezing but quite cool to see all these big cliffs and dramatic waves and there was barely anyone else around. And we talked the whole time Al. First about the dreams because he said he was really sad that they were still happening and wanted to try and help, and then about what happened at the beginning of term, and the dark world, and mum and school and all sorts, so much that I can’t even remember it all now. He said that mum used to get bad dreams like that sometimes too although obviously about stuff like the war and fighting with her parents, but I never knew that, it must have been when I was too young to realise. 

He also talked about still finding it really hard to be without mum and especially at Christmas because she always loved this time of year so much. He said that lots of stuff reminds him of mum and that I do too, the way I speak sometimes or my mannerisms, and he has found it easier to not talk about her for a long time because it hurts to remember, but he has realised that I would quite like to talk about her and he apologised for ‘not being there’ for me. It was all a bit weird and overwhelming to be honest but I think it was good to have the conversation. 

We just came back home for the evening and sat and read books together. We never opened Christmas presents in the end or had a proper dinner but I had kind of forgotten that it was Christmas Day by then. I think maybe we’ll do that this evening since my grandparents are coming over for Boxing Day dinner and then staying with us for a couple of nights. 

Dad seems calmer now and in an alright mood, although he will probably get a bit grumpy when my grandparents are here because they’re quite mean sometimes. We’ve agreed that I’ve got to tell him any time I have more dreams now and he said that we can talk about them and that hopefully that will help them to stop happening so often. 

I think that’s everything that happened, sorry for writing so much but I thought you’d probably want to know. Hope you’re having a good Boxing Day. 

From Scorpius

* * *

_Saturday 26 th December_

Scorpius,

Wow. Sorry you had such a weird Christmas Day, I thought that if one of us was going to have a miserable time it would definitely have been me. I’m dead proud of you though for talking to your dad and being honest with him about the dreams and about your mum. It sounds like he really cares. And I’m glad that he wants to help with the dreams too because it’s not fair that you have to relive all that stuff every night. 

We’ve been doing more of the same stuff here, they had another family quidditch match this morning although I didn’t play in this one, probably a good thing though because Rose was on the warpath and she nearly broke James’s neck trying to block him from scoring. The Weasley lot are all going home in a few hours once we’ve had Boxing Day dinner (dad has been in the kitchen all afternoon and swearing a LOT so who knows what we’ll end up eating) so it’ll be quieter again tonight. 

I hope everything goes alright with your grandparents. Only five days till New Year’s Eve!

Albus

* * *

_Sunday 27 th December_

Dear Albus, 

Don’t worry, I didn’t mind Christmas Day being a bit odd! It would have been strange trying to do all festive stuff with just me and Dad anyway so it was probably for the best that we were out of the house. Yesterday was a bit of a nightmare, Grandfather Lucius drank loads of wine and spent most of dinner making comments about mum and saying things like ‘curses are usually cast for a reason’ and ‘illness takes strength of character to fight; no strength, no chance’ and I thought dad was going to stab him with his fish knife. I’m sort of used to them being awful but I think it still gets to him and especially after the day before when we’d been talking about mum a lot anyway. 

Dad took them both out today because they wanted to go to Gringotts and a few other places round London, and he told them I had too much school work to go with them so I’ve been home by myself for most of the day. I finished the first draft of my Giant Wars essay and then I was doing some piano practice for a while. There’s one piece from Swan Lake which I’ve managed to get about half memorised and I don’t think it sounds too terrible actually, but nowhere near as good as when mum used to play it. Didn’t you say that Lily used to play the piano for a while?

Have you been sleeping any more the past couple of nights?

From Scorpius

* * *

_Monday 28 th December_

Scorpius,

Your grandparents are seriously the worst, I don’t know how you can stand it Scorp. I would definitely have stabbed your grandfather with the fish knife if I’d been there, he has no right to say any of that stuff and he’s just bitter because his life is miserable and everybody hates him whereas you and your dad are actually nice and people think you’re great. 

That’s cool about the piano though, well done for being not terrible! Is Swan Lake the ballet one? It wasn't piano, Lily tried to learn the violin for a while but it was so screechy and awful that we all made her practice at the end of the garden after about a day and a half because we couldn’t take it anymore. She stopped pretty quickly after that. 

I’ve been sleeping a bit better, but to be honest still staying up quite late. I don’t even know why really, I’m not getting really bad dreams or anything, I just keep reading or doodling or whatever until I’m so tired I can’t think straight and then sometimes fall asleep at my desk. I don’t know if I want to ask about the sleeping draught though because mum and dad will probably make it into a huge deal and I’ll most likely be fine again in a few weeks. 

Mum was asking about New Year this morning and saying that she’s going over to Uncle George’s tomorrow to get fireworks. We usually make loads of hot chocolate and then sit out at the end of the garden and Dad and James set all the fireworks to go off in order at the countdown to midnight. We’ve had all the Weasleys with us for the past few years but I’m quite looking forward to it being not so many of us this year, and for you to be there too of course.

Three days to go!

Albus

* * *

_Tuesday 29 th December_

Dear Albus, 

The grandparents are gone! They left just after lunch today to go back to the care home, I had to spend all day yesterday and this morning with them and they both kept trying to give me awful advice and making horrible comments about muggles and things. Plus I heard them talking to Dad when I went out of the room this morning and I’m sure I heard grandfather say something about Dad ‘not trying hard enough’ with me and that he has ‘barely raised a Malfoy’. So that was fun. 

Anyway I don’t have to think about them anymore now, I’ve spent most of the afternoon reading this new book I got from Dad about merpeople and their mythology, it’s got lots of translated passages from their songs and stories which are SO interesting. That’s funny about Lily, I think I remember mum saying one time that I asked to learn violin when I was little and she refused because she thought it would be too painful to listen to! 

Swan Lake is a muggle ballet, yes, composed by Tchaikovsky. Mum and Dad took me to see it when I was about nine I think and the music is so beautiful I used to ask mum to play it almost every day for about three months after we saw it. It’s a bit strange hearing it again but playing it myself, but I managed to get through about a minute of playing today without any wrong notes! Dad even said that he thought I was making progress. I don’t know if they have pianos anywhere at school to practice on though so I’ll probably forget it all in a couple of weeks.

New Year sounds great and I’m so excited for it! I’ve never done anything for New Year’s Eve really, although mum used to make hot chocolate for us on Christmas Eve actually when I was little, she always used to get those tiny marshmallows and put them on top so they went all melted and gooey. I’m going to stay up as long as you do that night though and try and force you to go to sleep, or maybe sneak a sleeping draught into your hot chocolate. 

See you in two days!

From Scorpius

* * *

_Wednesday 30 th December_

Scorpius,

Had a pretty quiet day today, I’ve mostly been in my room doing Potions and starting that Care of Magical Creatures essay as well. James and Lily came in after lunch and we did a couple of rounds of exploding snap which was alright, and I talked to mum for a bit at breakfast when she asked me about my sleep and I had to lie a bit so she wouldn’t worry. But she did say that Uncle George gave her really good fireworks this year, and I asked her if we could get marshmallows for the hot chocolate like you mentioned in your letter and she said yes! 

As for that stuff your granddad said, you’re not taking it seriously are you? He’s an old idiot and he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. You’re definitely a Malfoy and I think it’s brilliant that you aren’t like them, you’re changing what people think about the Malfoys and making it so that you don’t have to follow all those stupid traditions and beliefs anymore. Please don’t let him make you feel bad. 

I’m not sure about pianos at Hogwarts, maybe they have some over near Ravenclaw tower or by Astronomy? I don’t know that part of the castle very well but it seems like the kind of thing the Ravenclaws might have. 

One last thing, I know I’m sending this a bit late already but mum said to tell you that dad is planning dinner for 6.30pm tomorrow so you can get here any time before that, but let me if you want to come early enough for lunch because we can do that too if you like.

See you tomorrow!

Albus

Dear Albus, 

I’m sorry I don’t have time to write a long letter tonight but I just asked dad and he said that we probably won’t come to yours for lunch – he told me that he ‘didn’t want to trespass on the Potters’ hospitality’, whatever he means by that. I wish we could come obviously but I think we should be able to get there at about half past four so we’ll still have the whole evening. I’m not sure if dad is planning to stay for the fireworks or not but I’m hoping he will, he’s still in kind of a bad mood from having the grandparents here. 

Can’t wait to see you tomorrow!

From Scorpius

* * *

January 2021

* * *

_Friday 1 st January_

Dear Albus, 

We’ve been back at the Manor for a few hours now but it feels like so much longer, it’s so quiet here! I know it’s not always your favourite and I’ve not spent that much time there really but I do love how busy and warm your house is all the time. 

I’ve put my first edition of A History of Magic in the middle on the bookshelf in my room already, I love it SO MUCH AL, and I can’t believe you managed to actually find a signed copy! Best present ever, it was definitely worth waiting for. 

I asked dad if he’d had a good time at yours and he nodded and said it had been nice to have company. I think he’s just been reading and catching up on some housework today while I was at yours but he seems fairly happy. We don’t really have any plans for this week (can’t believe we still have a whole seven days till we’re back at school) but I might ask him if we can go into London and see some of the museums or maybe the Zircon Library. 

Are you all still planning on going to Diagon Alley this week?

From Scorpius

* * *

_Sunday 3 rd January_

Dear Albus,

I haven’t had a letter from you for a couple of days, hope your owl is alright! 

I’ve been doing schoolwork mostly, my Care of Magical Creatures essay is done now and all I have left to do on my Giant Wars essay is one last proofread. I’ve done some more piano too and I think I’m getting better very very slowly! Dad has been out all day today at the Ministry Archives but on Tuesday we’re going to go into London together which should be nice. 

How is everything with you?

From Scorpius

* * *

_Tuesday 5 th January_

Dear Albus,

I still haven’t had any letters from you, is everything okay? I hope you’re not ill or something. 

Dad and I went to London today and went to the Zircon Library, we spent ages going through all the historical displays and Dad even managed to get us a tour of the private archive from a friend of a lady he knows at the Ministry! They had some books that were as old as the Hogwarts founders which blew my mind a bit to be honest. They had a little gift shop as well and I bought this amazing catalogue notebook where you can list all your books and add notes and things, and then it has different spell settings to organise your library by date, by author, by subject, all sorts! I think I’m going to spend tomorrow listing as many of my books as I can. 

I’ve had a couple more dreams since New Year, not quite as bad as before and I’ve talked to dad about them both times. 

Let me know if you’re okay.

From Scorpius

* * *

_Thursday 7 th January_

Dear Albus,

Please let me know if you’re alright. Are you going to be on the train back on Saturday?

I miss you.

From Scorpius

* * *

_Friday 8 th January_

Scorpius,

I’m fine. I’ll be on the train tomorrow.

Albus

Dear Albus,

What’s the matter? Has something happened at home? Are you cross with me?

From Scorpius

Scorpius,

Nothing’s happened here. I wasn’t going to say anything till we were on the train but Scorp why the hell did you not tell me that you weren’t just dreaming about the maze or whatever? That actually, you were dreaming about Delphi, and about being tortured? That you were waking up thinking you were being crucioed again and screaming and actually still in pain and that it was giving you multiple serious panic attacks in the middle of the night? And oh yeah, that the entire bloody thing is MY FAULT. 

I don’t think being around me and being reminded of all the stupid, awful stuff I put you through is a good idea, I think it’s making you worse and I should just back off and leave you alone and stop talking to you so I don’t hurt you any more than I already have. I’m a terrible friend.

Bye,

Albus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well we've reached the part where the angst kicks up a notch... sorry! What do you think will happen now Albus is refusing to talk to Scorpius? 👀
> 
> As always, a huge thank you to everyone who read and commented on the last chapter, your feedback makes my day and I'm so grateful to be a part of this magical community 💜 
> 
> Let me know your thoughts/feelings/predictions in the comments or come find me on Twitter and Tumblr @trolleybitch!


	4. January

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's back to Hogwarts after the Christmas holidays, but how will Scorpius cope with his best friend not talking to him? Draco and Ginny are at a loss but perhaps James can intervene...

_Saturday 9 th January_

Dear Dad, 

We're back in the dormitories now and I've unpacked most of my things. I didn't have time to say anything this morning because we had to get to the train but I got a letter from Albus in the night. Did you tell him that I was dreaming about Delphi torturing me over Christmas? He barely spoke to me on the train journey back here, he seems really cross and has talked about it being his fault and not wanting to be 'more of a terrible friend than he already is', and he's mad that I didn't tell him, but I was deliberately not doing that because he's got enough to worry about as it is! We had such a good time at New Year and it felt like we were finally starting to go back to normal, like how things were before all of the time turner stuff happened, and now I'm worried it's all ruined. 

What did you say to him??

Scorpius

* * *

_Sunday 10 th January_

Hi Mum & Dad,

Lily says hi, we both got back fine yesterday although I was so hungry by the time we got up to Gryffindor Tower that I thought I might pass out, the trolley witch totally ignored us when she came past our compartment and I'm blaming Al for turning her against the Potters. And speaking of Al - what on earth has happened with him and Scorpius? They didn't sit together on the train and I saw them in the Great Hall when we arrived and it looked like they were fighting, Al was in a right strop and then stormed off and Scorpius just stood there looking like someone had hexed his favourite peacock. Has he said anything to you?

James

* * *

_Monday 11 th January_

Dear Scorpius, 

I have not spoken to Albus at any point about your dreams, however Ginny and I did have a conversation on New Year's Eve where we spoke about the both of you and I may have included some information about the dreams you had on Christmas Eve, which I presume she then passed on. I'm deeply sorry if this has caused problems, I was under the impression that anything you had told me would also have been known to him. 

That said, I see no reason why he should be angry with you given that you cannot control the content of your dreams and you have never shown any inclination to blame him for what happened. You share a dormitory, surely you can speak to him soon?

Please let me know as soon as you have an update.

Love,

Dad

* * *

_Monday 11 th January_

Dear Albus,

We've just heard from James that you and Scorpius appeared to have some kind of fight on the train back yesterday - is everything alright?

All my love,

Mum

* * *

_Tuesday 12 th January_

Dear Dad,

Well it seems like Albus's mum must have told him what you said because he's barely speaking to me now. I know it's nobody's fault really except mine because neither of you were to know that I hadn't told him, I suppose I should have been clearer. You know he gets so closed off and quiet when he thinks that he's hurt someone or offended them, and he's been worse than normal since we got back from Godric's Hollow which I think is because he feels he's to blame for the whole thing, which obviously he's not. 

Before Christmas we'd talked about all the dreams I'd been having except that I hadn't told him about the crucio parts, and if you'd seen the way he was back there in that maze you'd understand why. When Delphi killed Craig and then she told Albus she would kill me if he didn't do what she told him to - I've never seen his expression look like that before and I never want to ever again. The cruciatus curse was the worst thing I've ever felt but I'd go through that a hundred times more if it meant Albus would never have had to be in that position and make that awful choice. He won't talk about it but I know he feels like he should have stopped her from hurting me. And I didn't want to tell him that the curse has been part of my dreams because it would just remind him of that feeling. 

Now though, it makes it look as if I _do_ feel that he should have done something and I wasn't telling him because _I_ was cross - do you see what I mean? He probably thinks that I resent him or blame him and it's just confirming all the feelings he already had in his own head and he thinks the best way to deal with it is to stop seeing me altogether so he doesn't make me feel any worse. It sounds silly I know, but I know him and I know how his mind works and I think that's what's happening. 

I wish I could just talk to him, but he's still not sleeping properly and when I get back to the dormitory he's usually not there, and he seems to be getting up really early too (if he's even coming back to sleep at all, I'm not entirely sure). 

Have you heard anything from his mum? I don't know how to try and tell him that I still want to be his friend. 

Love,

Scorpius

* * *

_Tuesday 12 th January_

Dear Mum, 

You don't need to worry, there's some stuff happening with me and Scorpius but I can deal with it by myself. Everything's fine here, I've been back in lessons today and Professor Longbottom has given us a bunch of Herbology homework already so that will probably keep me busy. 

Hope everything's alright at home. 

Albus

* * *

_Wednesday 13 th January_

Ginny,

Hope you and Harry are well.

My apologies for writing with unhappy news, but I have received a couple of concerning letters from Scorpius over the past few days and I would like to know what (if anything) Albus has mentioned to you regarding their current situation. It would appear that Albus has ceased almost all contact with Scorpius - avoiding him outside of lessons and refusing all but the briefest conversations. 

Scorpius believes this is a result of Albus finding out that his nightmares have often been centred on Delphi and her use of the cruciatus curse to torture him. I'm sure you recall this was information which I passed to you at New Year when we discussed the boys, though I was under the impression that he had already informed Albus. It would seem, however, that Scorpius had been withholding that particular fact to spare Albus any further guilt over what happened. Now Albus seems to be under the impression that withdrawing from their friendship is the best way to prevent any further suffering on Scorpius's part - but I need hardly explain that his actions are having quite the opposite effect and Scorpius is deeply distressed by the loss of his friend. 

I would appreciate being informed of any communication between you and Albus on this matter. 

Regards,

Draco

* * *

_Thursday 14 th January_

Al,

Mate. What's going on with you? Tried to shout you in the corridor outside Charms earlier but I don't think you heard me. Let me know if I can help with anything.

James

* * *

_Saturday 16 th January_

Dear Dad,

Everything is about the same here. I saw Albus twice yesterday, once when he was leaving the Great Hall at lunch and I asked where he was going but he just said 'doesn't matter', and then once in the common room in the evening. I was going to offer to play gobstones but he got up and left before I could say anything to him.

I really miss him, dad. I've got nobody else to talk to. I chatted to Madam Pince for a bit in the library this evening this afternoon because she was cataloguing some new books about memory spells which she thought I'd be interested in, but apart from that I've just been doing homework or extra reading by myself any time I'm not in lessons. 

That's about all there is to say I think. I hope everything is okay at the Manor.

Love,

Scorpius

* * *

_Sunday 17 th January_

Dear Draco,

Thank you for your letter - it was the first I'd heard of what had happened between the boys, as Albus had only mentioned that something was going on but he was 'dealing with it'. I do remember discussing Scorpius's dreams briefly with Al at New Year but he didn't seem to react at the time and I never made the connection that that might be the cause of their argument. 

To be frank, I'm at a bit of a loss as to how to approach him. Albus has always kept a lot of his feelings private and unlike James and Lily, will attempt to deal with problems entirely on his own rather than asking for help. He's stubborn (don't know where he gets that from) and I'm certain that trying to come down hard on him now would just make him withdraw from us completely. He reminds me a lot of Harry at times like this - determined not to draw others into his pain because he cares for them too much. I do believe that Albus genuinely thinks he is doing the best thing for Scorpius; I know he would never intentionally hurt him. 

I will speak to Harry tonight and we will try to come up with a plan. 

Best,

Ginny

* * *

_Monday 18 th January_

Dear Scorpius,

Forgive me for owling you out of the blue. Your father sent me a letter telling me about Albus's behaviour and I want to apologise to you directly for my part in causing this. Your dad mentioned your dreams to me at New Year and I unthinkingly brought them up in conversation with Albus - it had never occurred to me that you wouldn't have already shared this with him and for that I make no excuses, I should have been more thoughtful.

From what I gather, Albus is under the impression that he is to blame for Delphi's use of the cruciatus curse and its subsequent effects on you. I am intensely sorry that you had to suffer such pain, but I believe that neither you nor I hold Albus responsible for what happened, and I'm sure that you will have told him so on multiple occasions, as have I.

You know him very well Scorpius and I'm sure you understand that his reaction isn't just about the dreams; he is finding it difficult to process everything that happened to the two of you. Albus's dad has fought with some very similar feelings in the past over his involvement in the war and as a result of losing people he looked up to and was close to. A lot of people died in those years and many of them did so fighting alongside Harry. He takes their sacrifices deeply personally and feels that he could have done more to save them, and I think this is a feeling which might never completely leave him. 

The reason I'm telling you all this is that I want you to know that it will get better, and so will he. I have watched Harry push the people he loves (including me) away and I have struggled to try and be there for him and bring him back. When he gets it into his head that he needs to solve a problem completely by himself, it can be almost impossible to break through and communicate to him properly, and it sounds as though that's the mindset Albus is in at the moment. It's heart-breaking to watch someone you love pulling away like that, I know, but the only thing you can do is continue to be patient and show him that you care and that you will be ready to talk when he needs you. It's asking a lot of you, I am aware, but I know that you mean a great deal to each other and I believe that Albus will realise this soon enough and will be just as sorry as I am for the way he's treating you now. 

I hope that this won't continue much longer and I'm doing all I can to encourage Albus to rethink this decision, but if you need anything in the meantime, Scorpius - _anything_ \- please don't hesitate to contact me or Harry, or speak to James or Lily, and we will do our very best to support you; you're part of our family too. 

With love,

Ginny Potter

* * *

_Tuesday 19 th January_

Al,

Honestly, will you please let me know what's up? Getting worried now. Saw Scorpius this afternoon and he said you were barely ever in the dorms this week, he doesn't even know where you're going. Write to me if you won't talk to me?

James

* * *

_Wednesday 20 th January_

Dear Mrs Potter,

Thank you for your letter, it was very kind of you to write to me. There's really no need to apologise for telling Albus about the dreams, you didn't know it would be a problem.

Albus still isn't speaking to me at the moment, but everything you said made me feel a bit better about the situation; I hope you are right that he'll come around soon. I've tried to catch him in class and explain that I can't help the dreams or the panic attacks but he doesn't want to listen at the moment. He seems to be spending a lot of time away from the Slytherin dormitories and the common room but I'm not sure where he's going. 

He's always been quite bad at talking about his feelings I think (to me at least) but recently I thought he was getting a little better. Now it seems like he's worse than he's ever been. I will keep being patient though and trying to tell him - I'm a bit confused by how he's reacted but I'm not cross at him.

Thank you for caring so much, I really appreciate it. 

From Scorpius

* * *

_Thursday 21 st January_

James,

I feel like shit. I don't know what to do. I think I've ruined everything.

Al

Al,

You haven't ruined anything mate, I'm sure of it. Tell me what's going on?

James

* * *

_Friday 22 nd January_

James,

Alright fine but can you please not tell mum? I don't think she and dad would get it and I can't deal with all their questions and them trying so hard to help all the time. 

So I don't know if you know, but Scorpius has been having really awful nightmares since we got back from Godric's Hollow, and sometimes panic attacks and I've barely been sleeping so I've been staying up to talk him through the dreams and the attacks and make sure he's doing okay. Most of the dreams have been about when he was trapped in the alternate dark world where Voldemort was still alive and our dad was dead, and every time he talked about it I felt horrible, because I know it was my stupid idiotic plan that meant he ended up there. But anyway I thought the dreams were getting a bit better and a bit less often and I felt like maybe I hadn't messed up his life completely. 

Then over Christmas he had some more really shitty dreams and his dad found out that they were still happening and got all stressed about it, and then Scorp's dad was talking to mum at New Year and it turns out that Scorpius had been lying to me and hadn't told me that he was actually dreaming about Delphi and the fact that she literally tortured him because of me, used crucio because she wanted me to do what she told me and thought that hurting him was the best way to do it. And he's been waking up actually in pain, echoes of the curse still, and traumatised and panicking because I didn't do anything to stop her, and every day he has to be around me and reminded of what I did and I cannot fucking stand that I put him through that and I'm still making it worse by forcing him to be my friend and relive all of that all the time. 

He was trying to tell me that he doesn't blame me or whatever, but I know he must because why else would he lie about what he was dreaming about? I feel like everything I do just messes everything up for everyone and I hate being the one who's making everyone miserable and stressed. Even this dumb letter has turned out super long and you probably don't even want to know any of this, please just ignore it if you want, I don't care. I'm a shit friend and a shit son and probably a shit brother too.

Al

* * *

_Saturday 23 rd January_

Ginny,

Still no change according to Scorpius. 

I am making an effort to stay positive for him but I believe he is very lonely at school and I would be dishonest if I pretended this didn't bother me. Personally I am very familiar with loneliness but it's something I have always desired to shield Scorpius from, and although I would have preferred to see him less reliant on a single friend, Albus has been a consistent companion to him until now. I am concerned that if this continues for much longer, Albus could be doing permanent damage to their friendship; I am keen to spare Scorpius the pain of losing any more people from his life. 

Have you received any further letters from Albus?

Regards,

Draco

* * *

_Sunday 24 th January_

Hi Mum, hi Dad,

Got Albus talking by owling him instead of keeping trying to grab him between lessons. He's asked me not to tell you anything so I don't want to go behind his back but he's in a right state. Will do my best to help and try and keep you updated.

James

* * *

_Monday 25 th January_

Al,

Right. For a start, you are not a shit brother and of course I want to know what's going on with you, and I know mum and dad don't think you're a shit son either. I don't know Scorpius that well but I do know that the two of you are better friends than anyone I've ever met, and when I spoke to him the other day he seemed so sad, it's not good for the two of you to be apart. He doesn't blame you at all Al, and neither does anyone else. 

It's kinda crappy that he didn't tell you about the crucio dreams, I get why you feel like that, but don't you think he was doing it because he didn't want _you_ to feel bad? Maybe he knew you were feeling guilty about it and didn't want to make it worse for you. Or he just has a lot of stuff to deal with and found it easier to deal with that bit by himself. You two are really similar sometimes you know and it sounds like you were both tiptoeing around trying not to make each other feel bad when actually you probably just need to talk to each other about everything. 

Mate look, I can't tell you what to do and I'm not going to pretend to understand everything that's going on, but you have every right to be feeling crap and finding this whole thing difficult - you went through stuff which I don't think I could ever cope with and it kills me that I couldn't do anything to protect you or to help, you are my little brother after all. But trying to pretend like it was nothing or that you and Scorpius should be totally fine right away is stupid, and I don't think that what you're doing now is because you're genuinely angry with him. He's your best friend Al, and I remember you telling me about that first alternate world where you had to be separated and you were so miserable then too. It's Scorpius, just talk to him, because I think he's dying to talk to you too. 

Also I'm going to sound like dad here, but have you talked to anyone else about this? I'm guessing not? I'm your brother and I love you but I'm not really great at giving proper advice about stuff like this and I think it would probably be better if you had someone with experience who could help you with some of the difficult bits. Maybe think about talking to Nurse Finch, the counsellor guy? He came to see us all at the beginning of the year and said he was there to talk about stuff confidentially if we needed. Have a think about it. 

James

* * *

_Tuesday 26 th January_

Dear Dad,

All about the same here. Talked to Professor Binns today after History of Magic and he said that my giant wars essay from over Christmas was almost at sixth-year level work and that he would be happy to have me in his NEWT class, which was nice of him. Got a Transfiguration project to do which should take up some time this weekend but will be interesting. 

Albus still isn't speaking to me. I miss him. Miss you too. 

Scorpius

* * *

_Tuesday 26 th January_

James,

'Mum and dad don't think you're a shit son either' - no, actually I'm fairly sure that mum and dad (dad at least) think I'm useless. Do you even know what dad told me in September? 'There are times I wish you weren't my son'. Pretty definitive I think. 

Albus

* * *

_Wednesday 27 th January_

Al, 

Okay come on, that's really all you're going to take from everything I wrote? Did you even read my whole letter?

I did know what dad said, mum told me in October while you were missing. I don't think Lil knows. It was awful of him to say, Al, it really was, and whether he meant it or not doesn't change what actually happened, and I know you must feel crap about it. I think it's something the two of you will need to figure out together though because I can't properly put myself in your shoes or in dad's.

But whatever he said or whatever anyone else says, I'm glad you're my brother and I always have been. I know I teased you a lot when we were kids and I'm not the best at telling you I appreciate you but I've always thought we had something good, brothers together, you know. I feel like everyone thinks we're completely different people and sometimes we are but a lot of the time we're the same. You _get_ me better than other people do, you don't see me as just the dumb quidditch player or some super-chilled guy who doesn't ever get stressed, like some people seem to think I am. And you've always been a good listener and you're patient and funny and you're really smart. You're a great brother and you need to stop telling yourself you're not. 

Now will you please read the rest of that letter and think about maybe talking to your best friend so the both of you can stop being so miserable?

James

P.S. Are you sleeping okay? You looked like shit when I saw you in the Great Hall earlier (no offence). 

* * *

_Thursday 28 th January_

Dear Scorpius,

Your last letter was very short. Would you like to come home for the weekend or for a while longer? If you're unhappy at school you don't need to stay there every weekend, I could let the headmistress know you were bringing homework back with you and she would most likely grant you extensions on any of your projects if necessary. 

I hope that Albus will see sense in due course, and I hope he will apologise for the stress he is causing you. However, it's been almost a month and perhaps you could use this time to get to know your other classmates? It could be a good opportunity to make some new friends. 

All is fine here at home, I was back at the archives yesterday - their head archivist had expressed interest in some of the Peruvian copper cauldrons that belonged to your great-grandfather so I was assisting her with some related research. Today I've been making my way through some of the books in the east library; most of them are related to dark magic but there are a couple of history books covering the first hundred years or so after the founding of Hogwarts. Would you like me to send them on to you?

Let me know about coming home.

Love,

Dad

* * *

_Friday 29 th January_

James,

Fine yes I did read the rest of the letter and some of it did make sense. I feel crap not being able to talk to Scorpius, he's my best friend, but at the same time I hate thinking that I'm hurting him and making his nightmares worse. I still don't know what to do. I can't sleep at all really, I'm mostly staying away from the dormitories because I don't want to see him and I can't think of what to say. 

I think maybe I overreacted to him not telling me about the dreams, I just felt so angry and I didn't understand why he wouldn't say something, although I guess I'm kind of proving his point now by reacting this way aren't I? It would probably be good to have someone to talk to but Nurse Finch is supposed to be there for people who have proper problems and I would just be taking up somebody else's time I think. 

Al

* * *

_Saturday 30 th January_

Dear Albus, 

I don't know where you are at the moment, I haven't seen you since breakfast, so I thought I'd owl you and hope it finds you in the castle somewhere. 

It's been four weeks since New Year and I really miss you, Albus. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you about the dreams, it was wrong of me to lie and I know you're angry. I really thought that you already had so much pressure on you that I didn't want to add anything else.

Delphi used crucio on me to get to you, yes, but that's not the same thing as it being your fault. It's just what happened. Lots of of awful things happen for no reason, it's how things are and I'm sort of used to that. I will never think you are responsible for it and I feel terrible that I made you think that's how I felt. 

Dad has asked if I want to go home for a while and I have been thinking about it and I've decided I'm going to ask him to come and pick me up and I'll try and do my schoolwork from home for a few weeks. I don't think I have much else to say really except that I'm sorry, but I wanted you to know that in case I don't see you before I leave. I really hope you're doing okay. 

From Scorpius

* * *

_Saturday 30 th January_

Scorpius,

I hope this gets to you in time. Don't go home, wait for me.

I'll come and find you. 

Albus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 👀
> 
> Do you think Albus managed to find Scorpius in time? Once again apologies for the angsty-ness of this chapter but I promise it won't be this way forever! 
> 
> Thank youuuu to everyone who's been reading and commenting so far, your comments mean the absolute world to me and I'm forever grateful for the support 💜
> 
> Find me on Twitter/Tumblr @trolleybitch


	5. February

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus and Scorpius seem to be back on track, but neither of them are sleeping properly. Ginny and Draco have some frank discussions about parenthood and loss.

_Monday 1 st February_

Dear Dad,

I've had a bit of a weird 24 hours. It's Monday morning and I need to be in lessons in a few minutes so I'll write you a proper letter soon to explain but I think me and Albus are okay again, we spent most of yesterday talking and he's in kind of a bad place, but I think we're going to be able to figure it out together. I'm a bit overwhelmed but I'm going to stay here instead of coming home if that's alright with you. 

I'll write to you again soon.

Love,

Scorpius

* * *

_Monday 1 st February_

Hi Mum and Dad,

Saw Albus and Scorpius together at breakfast today! They both looked really rough and they weren't talking much but they sat together and then left at the same time for lessons. Will try and speak to Al soon and let you know more. 

James

* * *

_Tuesday 2 nd February_

Ginny,

In case you've had nothing from Albus - I've just received a letter from Scorpius in which he writes that he and Albus have been speaking again and he thinks that they will be able to 'figure out' the rift between the pair of them. He is writing with more detail soon when he has time to explain but it does sound as though Albus has made steps to reconcile despite being, to quote my son, 'in a bad place'. Truthfully I'm very relieved, this seems like a positive sign for them both and I will let you know when I receive more information. 

Best,

Draco

* * *

_Tuesday 2 nd February_

James,

I did what you said and talked to Scorpius. You were right and I was an idiot and I tried to apologise to him as much as I could, I don't think he's mad at me but I still feel bad. We talked for a long time though and it felt good to get things out in the open. Was in lessons all day yesterday and so tired by dinner that I just passed out, actually slept for almost twelve hours. Thanks for being a good brother, maybe your advice isn't always nonsense.

Al

* * *

_Wednesday 3 rd February_

Dear Dad,

Sorry for not writing you a longer letter before, I've been so tired that all I could manage to do was homework and then sleep. It's Wednesday night now and I feel like a lot has happened since the weekend so I'll try and not go on for too long.

After you wrote to me last week about possibly coming home for a bit I was thinking that maybe it would be for the best, but I still couldn't find Albus anywhere all day on Saturday, so I sent him an owl in the evening to let him know I was probably going to be leaving for a while and that I was sorry, and then I was planning to owl you in the morning to ask you to come and pick me up. I think I must have been quite stressed though because I was only asleep for a few hours on Saturday night before I had another really bad dream, one of the Delphi ones, she was using crucio on both of us this time and it felt so real. I got woken up by Al's owl and then he arrived back in the dorm about five minutes after that, and to be honest I had a bit of a meltdown, I couldn't breathe properly and I was really shaky but Al sat with me for ages and helped me calm down until I felt like I was back to normal. 

It was sort of awkward for a bit because neither of us knew what to say, but then Albus said he was sorry that he'd been hiding away and asked if I wanted to see where he'd been. I said yes of course, and I didn't feel like I could go back to sleep anyway so we both left the dormitory and went up to the seventh floor. We used Albus's brother's invisibility cloak and I know it's against the rules to be out in the school in the middle of the night, but nobody saw us and it just felt like the best thing to do. It turns out that all this time when I couldn't find him anywhere between classes or in the evenings, Albus has been in the Room of Requirement. 

I'd heard about the room before but I didn't even know whether it was still possible to get in, and Al said he found it by accident and didn't realise that's what it was until a couple of weeks ago. It's amazing, dad, I wish you could see it. It's really warm and has all these hovering lantern lights and massive comfy sofas and chairs and a big tall bookshelf along the whole of one wall and then huge windows on the others so you could see all the stars and the moon. And Al has been going there mostly to stay away from people so he didn't have to talk, but he said that the first time he found it there was this big chest in the corner and when he opened it, it was all full of parchment, so he did some sketches to pass the time, and then one time he decided to take his colour-shifting paints (the ones I got him for Christmas, do you remember?) and then each time he went back there was something new like nice paper and canvases and an easel and he's been spending loads of time there by himself just painting and drawing. I had no idea he was doing anything like that. He seemed really nervous to tell me and he wouldn't show me more than a couple of sketches, but I thought they were brilliant. 

And _then_ when I was already in total shock about being in the actual Room of Requirement and finding out about all his art stuff, he told me to try pushing the bookshelf and I did, and half of the shelves sort of folded back and opened up this second smaller part of the room where there's even more lanterns all around and the most beautiful old piano, it must be centuries old because all over every part of the wood there's carvings where people have scratched in their names or the titles of songs and pieces of music. It's still shiny and polished though and I couldn't help myself from trying it out, just a few notes, and it sounds perfect. Albus said that he found that part of the room on his second visit so he thinks it's been there the whole time. You know I've been wondering since Christmas if there were pianos anywhere at Hogwarts where I might be able to practice and then it turns out there was one here all along.

After I'd explored the room for a bit (I was quite excited, you can probably imagine), we sat on one of the sofas and just talked for a really long time. Albus asked if I would stay quiet for a bit to let him talk first so I did, and he apologised a lot and told me that he would understand if I didn't want to be friends anymore, and said that he had reacted really badly to me not telling him about the dreams and he thinks it's because he's struggling to accept everything that happened and that he's realised maybe he needs to talk to someone about it because none of the feelings or the bad sleep seem to be getting better on their own. I said that of course I still want to be friends and I want to help, and I'm just glad that he's talking again because I was really worried about him not being himself. 

He cried quite a lot (don't tell him or his mum that I told you) which obviously made me cry as well because you know I can't help it when I see somebody else upset, and he talked a lot about his grandparents and his dad, and Delphi and Voldemort, and about school and his family, and he asked me a lot about how I was feeling and about you and mum and things like that. I've never known him be really upset like that before, kind of more than upset, I think he's feeling sort of hopeless and like things won't ever get better, and it was really difficult to see him that way. 

He did say that he's been talking to his brother quite a bit though, I think they've been owling for a couple of weeks and it sounds as though James has been supportive so I'm glad he's not been totally alone. I'm going to try and get him to tell his parents what's going on because I don't think they know, or don't know all of it at least. 

Since Sunday we've both been back in lessons like normal, and just catching up on sleep from being awake for such a long time. Albus slept for ages on Monday night, the longest he's slept since September I think, but then yesterday I woke up at about half past two and he was still awake. I'm helping him with notes and some of our essays because I don't want his marks to get worse, it's not his fault he can't sleep and then can't concentrate properly. 

I think that's about all there is to say, sorry that this letter is so long but I thought you would want to know everything that happened. Are you alright at home?

Love,

Scorpius

* * *

_Wednesday 3 rd February_

Al,

I'm proud of you mate, and not just for finally admitting that my advice isn't all terrible. And didn't I tell you that he wouldn't be angry? What made you start talking again? And what did you both talk about?

James

* * *

_Friday 5 th February_

James,

No need for the 'I told you so' when we were having a brother bonding moment, was there. You ruined it. (Just kidding.)

Well, I was already thinking about what I should say to him and then on Saturday night Scorp sent me an owl to say that he was planning on going to stay at home for a few weeks so I wouldn't see him. That made me realise that I had to go and apologise straight away really, because otherwise he'd think I hated him and that wouldn't be fair on him. So I went back to the dormitory to talk to him but he'd been dreaming again, and my owl woke him up and freaked him out, and he ended up having a massive panic attack which was really scary because he could hardly breathe. I don't think he's ever had one that bad before, it seemed like he was in loads of pain from dreaming about the curse and I had to do breathing with him for a really long time before he could talk again and got calmer. 

Anyway neither of us was going to be able to sleep after that so we got out of the dorm and just stayed up, and we talked for most of the night and then a lot of the day on Sunday as well. He's still really struggling with the dreams, he says they've been getting a bit better but whenever he's feeling stressed or down he'll get especially bad ones. We talked a bit about his dad too and that they both find it hard to be without Scorpius's mum and to try and remember her without feeling too sad. And I explained some stuff about how I've been feeling to him too of course. 

It was good, I feel stupid for having avoided him for so long and I still feel guilty about all the dreams and everything I put him through, but he was so nice about everything (I mean it's Scorpius, he's always nice about everything) that it made me feel like I wasn't such a terrible friend after all. 

Going to write to mum in a bit too and tell her some of what I'm telling you. I think she might have been worried about me and Scorpius but I'll let her know everything's fine. 

Al

* * *

_Sunday 7 th February_

Dear Draco,

I've finally had a letter from Albus too. It's fairly brief but he's confirmed what Scorpius told you, that they are speaking again. It sounds as though Scorpius was very gracious in accepting Albus's apology and once again I am touched by his compassion and generosity. I don't believe that Al acted this way out of malice but once I'm able to speak to him in a less fraught setting I will be discussing this with him and making sure he understands how to deal with his emotions in a more appropriate way in the future. 

He has insisted in the letter that he is 'fine' and doesn't need any help, but I get the sense that he is not telling me much about what's gone on and what they've spoken about together. I'm not intended to pry for information because I feel that would be a breach of his trust, although I may to try arrange a visit to Hogwarts, even if only briefly to ask Minerva to keep an eye on him.

My greatest fear is that he continues to keep all of his feelings hidden and tears himself apart in doing so - I had to watch Harry do that after Hogwarts, long before we had the kids, and it nearly broke me too. Albus used to be so open as a child, there was nothing he wouldn't share with us, and then once he reached school age he suddenly closed off. I love him desperately but I don't know if I've ever truly reached him since then and I'm not sure that we've been good enough parents. It doesn't feel like everything should be this difficult for him.

Ginny

* * *

_Monday 8 th February_

Dear Scorpius, 

I'm very glad you are feeling better and that you and Albus are talking again - I've been worried about you there alone. It sounds as though it may take a while for Albus to be acting like himself again so it's important to take care of yourself too. Please remember that you have your own school work to be getting on with and that your dreams get so much worse when you are busy and stressed; I wouldn't want you to be prioritising anything over your own health. 

The Room of Requirement sounds wonderful, and certainly quite different to the room that I knew when I was at Hogwarts. The piano though sounds familiar - I believe I have seen it before. I imagine it lives in the room and appears to whomever needs it, in whichever setting they choose.

I have been corresponding with Albus's mother over the past few weeks and days. Naturally I haven't shared any of the detail you included in your letters with her and similarly I wouldn't want to divulge information she has passed to me in confidence, but you may appreciate knowing that Albus seems to be sharing very little with his parents. It does seem that he's going through a difficult time and it may take some effort to make him realise how much support is there for him if he chooses to ask for it. 

Days here at the Manor are starting to get longer and I've been out walking in the late afternoons now that it's staying lighter. A few of the neighbours seem to go out walking at the same time every day and each time I run into Mrs Hayhurst, she asks after you. Do you remember her? She lives on the other side of the village and she used to own that vast St Bernard dog which she once let you ride down the lane by the orchard, and you didn't stop asking for us to get a dog for months. 

As always, I love you very much.

Dad

* * *

_Monday 8 th February_

Al,

Would I even be a big brother if I didn't say 'I told you so' at every available opportunity regardless of any ongoing emotional turmoil? It's like, my job.

Anyway it sounds like what happened was exactly what the both of you needed, although that's shit that Scorpius had such a bad panic attack, I hope he's doing better now. I've always been a bit concerned for the poor kid, he seems like he's had more than his fair share of crappy luck so I guess all that stress was bound to come out sometime.

Try and ignore those guilty feelings mate, you have to keep telling yourself they're not justified. Sure it probably wasn't the smartest decision you've ever made, but you were dealing with your feelings the best way you knew how at the time. Scorpius isn't mad, so all you need to do now is keep moving forward and put this last month or however long behind you. You should really go and chat to Nurse Finch though, a couple of other sixth years I know have seen him and they say he's great.

James

P.S. Can I have my invisibility cloak back? Didn't really want to say anything while you were in the middle of an _emotional time_ but it is actually mine, just saying. We can set up some kind of loan arrangement if you like. Five galleons a night?

* * *

_Wednesday 10 th February_

Ginny,

I'm sorry to hear that Albus is still not sharing openly; I suppose that it may take him some time to come to terms with needing to ask for help if he is used to trying to manage everything alone. Scorpius's letter was very lengthy but after the incident at New Year I feel it would be unwise of me to share much detail - I'm sure you understand. I will continue to advise him to support Albus in talking and writing more and hopefully this will improve over time. If I receive any indication that Albus is withdrawing again or putting himself in danger I will of course make you aware immediately and contact the school.

I must admit I often feel just as uncertain over Scorpius. Astoria knew how to reach him, he trusted her implicitly and they had a deep connection which I don't feel I can ever replicate. When we lost her, a part of me was lost with her; now I'm not sure that I have enough of myself left to give Scorpius. She used to fill up every room in the house with her presence, she made us whole and renewed us. I see her absence everywhere and I believe he does too. I've wasted hours wondering what I could have done differently to prevent him from suffering this loneliness and heartbreak but in every scenario Astoria was taken from us and nothing would have changed that. We must live with the choices the world makes for us.

I understand a little of what it means to grow up in the shadow of a father you did not choose, and although our situations are vastly different I can see that Albus has always struggled with the weight of the Potter name. It's not something you could have controlled and I don't believe that you have any cause to feel guilty but I think it's natural for him to want space from his family to navigate that legacy on his own terms. 

They are both so young. You remember what it was like to be fifteen - I know I wouldn't wish to relive that age. But it will pass, and they will heal. All we can do is be patient and be ready to catch them if they fall.

Best,

Draco

* * *

_Thursday 11 th February_

James,

Scorpius hasn't had any more panic attacks since last weekend, although he's still had a few dreams that he's told me about. We're trying to talk about them more and go through them in detail and figure out the bits which keep coming back and exactly what's stressing him out. I think it's helping but it's still horrible seeing him like that when he wakes up, he gets so scared and sometimes it takes him a while to fully wake up and he doesn't realise who I am. The ones where he's in pain are the worst though and I hate that I can't help him. He says that it helps just to have me there though and he feels better during the day. He's been helping me catch up on some of the homework I missed and he even went to speak to Professor Binns on Friday to ask for an extension on one of my essays so I could finish it properly, which was really good of him.

I'm not sure about Nurse Finch. He does seem nice and Scorp is on at me to talk to him too, but I just don't know what I would say. 'Oh hi, I nearly destroyed the world and now I feel bad about it even though everything's fine now and _I_ never actually got hurt, only ruined things for other people'? I don't know if I could explain everything properly or what he'd be able to do about any of it. 

Al

P.S. Five galleons?? Piss off. You can have the cloak back but I'm only giving you one chocolate frog for every time I want to borrow it, you owe me enough favours already.

* * *

_Saturday 13 th February_

Dear Dad,

We had a Transfiguration test yesterday afternoon and Professor Abiola said that my doubling charm was one of the best she'd ever seen from a fourth year student! I managed to get to 512 pennies from the one we were given at the beginning of the lesson. Albus did well too and he's pretty much back on track with all his homework, I have helped him a bit but don't worry, it's not putting a strain on me and I'm doing it because I want to help, he's never asked me to do stuff for him.

We've been back to the Room of Requirement a few times this week in the evenings (before curfew) and I've been practising piano again while Al sketches or paints. I brought some of the sheet music from home back with me in January but there's quite a lot in the room too, and it's so nice to try out new things and see what I can play. I don't think I'm very good but it's really relaxing to concentrate on learning something that's totally different to school work. I was looking at the piano more again yesterday and all the names and things carved into it, and I'm sure what you said is right about it being there for lots of other students in the past when they've wanted it. One of the sides is almost completely full of marks and right near the back I found where someone had carved the outline of a swan, with no name or words or anything. I've been thinking about it today and I wondered - do you think it might have been mum? It's probably not, I think I'm being stupid, but I just remembered that she talked about playing when she was young and I know she loved the Swan Lake music. I don't know. I just saw it and thought of her. 

Albus slept for a bit longer last night but I'm trying to get him to go and see Madam Pomfrey or Nurse Finch to see if he can get some kind of sleeping draught because he's still not getting anywhere near enough rest. He says he's okay and the art stuff is helping him to feel less down but I'm not totally convinced. His sketches are really good though - he's started showing them to me a bit more and some of the paintings too. They're kind of abstract and have lots of swirling cloud shapes in black and grey and bits of colour, and some of them have figures in too but not like portraits. I can't describe them or do them justice really but I think they're pretty great. I know I couldn't draw or paint that well for sure.

I do remember Mrs Hayhurst although I had forgotten about her dog until I read your letter. Was he called Rusty? I might be thinking of something different though. Tell her hello from me next time you see her!

Love,

Scorpius

* * *

_Monday 15 th February_

Dear Mum,

Sorry I've been quiet again for a while but thank you for not being too cross with me about what I did. Looking back at it now after a couple of weeks I don't understand why I couldn't see how stupidly I was acting and how awful I was being to Scorpius, I think I'm lucky that he's forgiven me because somebody else might have been a lot less sympathetic. 

Lessons are a bit difficult at the moment because we have a lot of projects which will need to be written up as essays. Scorpius is being really helpful though and we're working through things together so I don't get too behind. 

I was talking to James a bit and he said that he thought I should go and see Nurse Finch to talk about how I'm feeling and about the fact that I have been struggling to sleep a bit lately. I'm not sure though because I don't know if it's the kind of thing he would want to hear about. What did Professor McGonagall say to you about Nurse Finch? Do you think I should see him?

Albus

* * *

_Tuesday 16 th February_

Dear Draco,

I've had a couple more letters from Albus in which he seems to be gradually opening up - he's clearly still very shaken and not quite himself but he has asked me for advice which is encouraging, and talked a little about his school work. He is considering going to see Oswald Finch (the new nurse and pastoral support counsellor, I'm not sure if you've met him) and apparently James has been pushing him in that direction too. I think it could be exactly what he needs but I'm treading on eggshells a little and trying not to put him off.

Regarding what you wrote in your last letter, I can't claim to be close to you and Scorpius exactly, but I can see quite clearly that although Astoria's loss had a terrible impact, the bond between the two of you is unshakeable. He adores you and looks up to you and I don't believe for a moment that he would consider you 'not enough'. He's a wonderfully generous and kind boy and that's a result of your influence as well as Astoria's. As for Albus, I'm beginning to see that his relationship with Harry and me and even with the Potter name is more complicated than perhaps any of us had realised. You're right about them being at an awkward age and I think both Al and Scorpius have had a difficult time at Hogwarts so far, in slightly different ways. When my three were all little I looked back at my time at school and felt so sure that their experience would be completely the opposite to mine, would be carefree and happy and calm, but now it seems that the consequences of the war and everything that happened back then were so much further-reaching than any of us could have anticipated. I'm not sure how it seems to have taken me almost 17 years of being a parent to realise that we can't always protect our children from sadness and harm, but there we are.

Draco, I also want to take a moment to say how much I appreciate you writing back and forth and listening to my ramblings. Harry, Ron, Hermione, Luna, George, everyone... they are brilliant, they really are, but even now I sometimes feel a bit of an outsider from them all. My Hogwarts was a very different one to the place they remember, and I don't know if they will ever truly understand that - but I feel you do. Thank you for that.

Best,

Ginny

* * *

_Wednesday 17 th February_

Al,

Right I've been asking around a bit for you and chatted to Lucy from my Charms class who went to see Nurse Finch before Christmas a few times because her parents are splitting up and she was finding it hard to deal with school stuff. She said the first time she went he just asked some questions about how she was feeling and then the other times they talked through sort of a different topic each time and he helped her come up with ways to manage school work and things like that. Apparently he was dead chilled and not judgey at all so I'm sure you'd be absolutely fine if you went. I could come with you if you wanted me to?

James

P.S. Still no cloak mate. I'll take the chocolate frogs because I'm a good brother but can I please have it back before this weekend? Not telling you why I need it.

P.P.S. Did you have fun in Hogsmeade on Sunday? Saw you and Scorp in the Three Broomsticks but don't think you noticed me. Guessing from your faces when you walked in that you'd both forgotten it was Valentine's Day right? Never seen you look so alarmed, it was just a few love-heart banners and snogging couples! Gave me a good laugh though.

* * *

_Thursday 18 th February_

Dear Scorpius,

Good job on your doubling charm, I've heard that Professor Abiola is a particularly rigorous tutor when it comes to assessments so I'm sure that her compliments are very well-earned. I'm glad that your piano practice is going well too, it's good to hear that you've got something to work towards outside of your lessons. 

I honestly can't be sure about the swan. I would love to think that your mother practised there and might have left her mark on the piano but I very rarely spoke to her while we were at Hogwarts together, and looking back now I can't recall if we ever talked about the Room of Requirement at all. It's very possible that she could have been there but I doubt we will ever have a way to find out. If you feel she is with you Scorpius, that's all that matters.

It sounds like a good idea for Albus to speak with a member of staff about everything that's happened in recent months. I must admit I'd never imagined him to have a particular propensity for the arts but if it is helping him to relax then I think his painting and drawing must be a good thing.

I met Mrs Hayhurst again yesterday and passed on your hello. The dog was indeed called Rusty and she was thrilled that you'd remembered. It transpires that she is retired now and her husband passed away a couple of years ago so she mostly spends her time gardening or hiking - she remains quite sprightly. She asked me to wish you well and to let you know that if you ever have a need for books or guides to magical gardening techniques she would be happy to lend you some of hers.

Love,

Dad

* * *

_Friday 19 th February_

Dear Albus,

Hope you are still feeling a bit better. Of course I'm not cross with you my love, you've been through a very rough time and it's only normal that you weren't feeling like yourself. It does sound as though Scorpius was very kind and I will make sure to thank him for that in person next time I see him.

Try not to worry too much about your lessons - fourth year is important of course but it's not OWLs yet and you don't need to be pushing yourself more than you can handle. Your dad and I didn't get top marks in every subject and we both turned out fine (more or less).

I think James's idea about seeing Nurse Finch is a good one, if you are still considering it. Professor McGonagall told me that he is there to provide support and advice for all students in all circumstances so I'm sure he wouldn't turn you away or make you feel like you couldn't tell him about everything. I heard from Teddy the other week too actually and it turns out that Nurse Finch is living a couple of doors down from him and Victoire in Hogsmeade. He said Oswald was lovely, very easy to speak to and seems to really care about his job, which sounds like a good sign to me.

All my love,

Mum

* * *

_Saturday 20 th February_

Hi Mum and Dad,

Al update - still not seeing much of him but he is sending owls a couple of times a week. Seems a bit ridiculous to be owling him when we're in the same building but he's always been kind of odd I guess. Still trying to persuade him to go see Finch, I think he's getting there. Scorpius seems almost back to normal again, see him in the corridors sometimes and he's usually wandering around holding a stack of books with his head in the clouds.

Got our match against Ravenclaw this afternoon which should be a piece of cake since their chasers had a massive falling out a few weeks ago and apparently have been totally off their game since. They're bringing out a new reserve seeker though so one to keep an eye on. Will let you know how it goes but fully expecting us to be one game closer to Quidditch CHAMPIOOOOONS!!!!

James

* * *

_Sunday 21 st February_

Dear Ginny,

Before I forget, I ran into Valmai Morgan in Diagon Alley last week and she mentioned that she was hoping to organise a Harpies get-together to celebrate the publication of those 'All-Star' interviews. I referenced you and she seemed somewhat surprised that we knew each other but asked if I had your address - she has misplaced her Harpies alumni contact list and is trying to start again from scratch. Would you be happy for me to pass on your contact details?

The boys seem more or less stable judging from Scorpius's latest updates. It sounds as though they are spending a lot of time together just the two of them away from other classmates, but that's nothing new I suppose. Scorpius has also mentioned Albus potentially speaking to Nurse Finch and I too have tried to encourage him towards that idea. 

As for your realisation, I believe I come to that same conclusion that I cannot always protect Scorpius from pain almost daily, and every time the thought crosses my mind it's just as distressing as the first. There have been so many things I couldn't protect him from - isolation, rumours, losing Astoria - and each of those has felt like a personal failure on my part. Although logically I know that can't be true, I suppose that where our children are concerned there are some things we will never truly learn. It has taken me a long time to really know and understand Scorpius, it didn't come naturally to me. Our bond is stronger now than ever but it has taken work and I imagine your relationship with Albus will be the same. He will get there in the end, I'm sure of it. 

Best,

Draco

* * *

_Monday 22 nd February_

James,

Cheers, it's useful to hear from someone who's actually been to see Finch. I am still thinking about it but I guess I could go talk to him one time and just see what it's like? He's got open hours on Saturday where you can turn up without an appointment. Scorpius is getting antsy with me and a couple of times this week he set his alarm to go off in the middle of the night so he could get up and see whether I was asleep or not (and I think partly because he's still stressed and having nightmares). He keeps telling me I need to sleep more but really I think I'm probably alright most of the time, it's just the nights where I only get one or two hours that are a bit difficult. I don't think I'd need you to come with me but thanks for the offer.

Al

P.S. Sorry I forgot about the invisibility cloak for this weekend. Are you in Quidditch on Monday nights still or free? I can bring it over in a few hours if you like. Don't worry I wasn't planning to ask what you want it for, I've already heard enough stories from you about things I never needed to know and I don't need another one.

P.P.S. Mate, Valentine's is the worst and you know it. It's the first time we'd even been into Hogsmeade this year and we just wanted it to be chilled and then it was like a bloody circus in there, and that heart confetti cannon thing that went off whenever two people walked into the pub together was so cringeworthy. Scorp was so flustered we only stayed for about ten minutes and then I had to spend almost an hour with him in Tomes & Scrolls before he stopped being all nervous and weird.

* * *

_Tuesday 23 rd February_

Dear Dad,

I'm sending this with a copy of _Flobberworms & Festerjigs: Interesting Tales on Uninteresting Species_ \- Madam Pince recommended it to me in the library at the weekend and it's such a good read! I know magical creatures wasn't your favourite subject at school but honestly I dare you to read this and not laugh at least once a chapter!

Everything is mostly fine here, I've had a couple more dreams this week but nothing too bad, and Albus has been really good at talking to me about everything. We chatted a bit about Godric's Hollow yesterday and I told him that I felt a bit bad for still having dreams about it because obviously it wasn't my family we were watching, it was his. He said it was fine and I was allowed to be upset because it was difficult and horrible to watch regardless of who Lily and James were, and he said he doesn't mind at all. He's always so nice about everything dad, I'm really lucky to have him as a friend. I think he is planning to go and see Nurse Finch at the weekend so hopefully that will help him feel less down about everything. I just want him to be happy.

Please say hello back to Mrs Hayhurst! Her gardening sounds interesting, perhaps I'll offer to go over and help her for a while in the summer. I don't know if Herbology is one of my best subjects but I always enjoy it (and Professor Longbottom is such a good teacher). How's all the archiving stuff going? Did you manage to help the Ministry lady with the Peruvian cauldrons?

Love,

Scorpius

* * *

_Friday 26 th February_

Dear Mum,

Everything okay here. Woke up this morning thinking it was Monday even though it's actually Friday which was annoying, but I think it's because we had double History of Magic yesterday so the afternoon felt like it actually lasted about three days. Scorpius is the only one who ever pays attention in those classes, I swear. He's in quite a good mood at the moment although he's still having bad dreams now and again. Did I tell you he's been teaching himself piano? He's getting quite good now and I really like listening to him play.

I think I've decided I'm going to go and see Nurse Finch tomorrow during his open hours and just ask him if he thinks he can do anything to help me sleep a bit better. I'll let you know how it goes.

Albus

* * *

_Saturday 27 th February_

Al, 

No problem mate. Did you go to see Finch today after all? Let me know how it went if you did. I think Scorpius is right about your sleep you know, it's not normal to be up half the night, every night. You'll end up looking even more tired and bedraggled than usual although I suppose that'll work well for my reputation as the handsome brother.

Everything going alright with lessons?

James

P.S. Cheers for the cloak, managed to execute my plan with Gabe and Fran even though you delayed us. I'll spare you the details and just say that it involved the Astronomy Tower, nineteen fire salamanders, and a LOT of daisyroot draught. 

* * *

_Sunday 28 th February_

Dear Dad,

I'm sorry for writing out of turn, I can't sleep dad and I'm getting really worried, I was dreaming and I thought Voldemort was here at Hogwarts and he was going to hurt me and then he killed you and Albus's dad and I think there were dementors too and I'm really shaky. Albus isn't here and I don't know where he's gone, it's about 2am and I don't think this will get to you until the morning anyway but writing helps me be a bit calmer so sorry I'll probably be fine soon. I miss you dad and I hate these dreams, I don't understand why they won't go away. Please write back soon.

Scorpius

* * *

_Sunday 28 th February_

Dear Mrs Potter,

Is Albus with you? He never came back to the dormitory last night and I'm afraid, I can't find him anywhere this morning. He didn't mention going back home this weekend but I thought I should check with you. Please let me know. 

Thank you,

Scorpius Malfoy

Al,

Where are you? Found Scorpius waiting outside the Gryffindor common room for either me or Lily to ask if we'd seen you. Says you haven't been back to the dorm since yesterday. You alright?

James

Dear Scorpius,

Albus isn't with us and as far as I know, he wasn't planning to come home this weekend. I'm getting in touch with Professor McGonagall right away. Thank you for making me aware.

Ginny Potter

Dad,

It's me again, I don't know where Albus is, I haven't seen him since yesterday afternoon and now it's almost a whole day and nobody has seen him, not even James, and he hasn't sent any owls and he could be anywhere, should I go out to try and find him? Am I worrying about nothing? Dad what if he's left again or someone is hurting him, what do I do?

Scorpius

Albus,

Where are you?? Please come back. I'm scared.

Scorpius

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry 👀
> 
> This chapter is officially the halfway point of the fic - I can't believe how fast it's going! A huge thanks to everyone who's supported it so far; your comments are everything 💜
> 
> Let me know your thoughts/predictions/feelings in the comments or you can find me on Twitter/Tumblr @trolleybitch. Next chapter will be up on Wednesday!


	6. March

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's a little shaken after his disappearance, but could this be a turning point for Albus finally opening up about his feelings? Harry decides to reconnect with his son and Scorpius is still struggling with his nightmares.

_Monday 1 st March_

Ginny/Harry,

We've got Albus here in Hogsmeade, he's safe. Sending this with our fastest owl and will take him back up to the castle in the morning, make sure he gets to McGonagall. He's a bit of a mess but we'll take care of him till you can get here.

Teddy & Vic

* * *

_Monday 1 st March_

Dear Mr Malfoy,

We are writing to make you aware that your son Scorpius is currently residing overnight in the Hogwarts Hospital Wing after suffering what appears to have been a period of intense panic attacks and hyperventilation. He is in no medical danger but has been mildly sedated using a calming draught in order to rest and have a period of uninterrupted sleep.

Naturally we will make sure that your son is fully recovered before being discharged and we will coordinate with his Head of House to ensure a monitoring plan for any future incidents of this nature. We expect that the earliest he will be discharged is later this evening, Monday 1st March. If you wish to visit Scorpius, Hospital Wing visiting hours are between 1pm and 8pm. 

Kind regards,

Madam P. Pomfrey

* * *

_Monday 1 st March_

Dear Ginny,

My apologies that I couldn't stay longer when I saw you earlier - I was due to meet with my father's carer at the retirement home at 4pm so I didn't have long to visit Scorpius before that time. He was exhausted and still very shaky but Poppy was taking good care of him and I think he'll be fine in time. He asked plenty of questions about Albus which I answered as best I could but I only had a very brief version of the story from Minerva. 

How is Albus doing? Was he injured?

Best,

Draco

* * *

_Tuesday 2 nd March_

Dear Draco,

No need to apologise. Harry and I didn't get back until late last night anyway and it felt like a very manic day. Poppy checked Albus over and he's not hurt, just a couple of scrapes and bruises (although she did say that he was lucky it wasn't a few degrees cooler during the nights because he was risking hypothermia). She said she was happy for him to stay overnight in the Hospital Wing too so I think he and Scorpius will have been there together for the night. 

All he told us yesterday was that something happened on Saturday afternoon which reminded him of Godric's Hollow and everything at the beginning of the year, and he freaked out (his words) and felt like he needed to be alone for a while. He told me that he didn't feel ready to talk about it right there and then, but he did apologise and said he will explain everything soon. Teddy said that Al arrived at his place at about 3am yesterday morning, very shaken and very apologetic, saying that he didn't want to be on his own anymore and he was foolish to have run away.

I can't tell you how afraid I was when I received Scorpius's letter telling me Al was missing, but now that he's back and Minerva has assured me she will watch him like a hawk, I am choosing to try and see the positives - that he has apologised and told me he will explain. It feels like progress that he hasn't cut off completely and refused to talk, although perhaps I'm being unreasonably optimistic. 

It sounds as though Scorpius was in quite a lot of distress. I know Albus has mentioned him having panic attacks in the past but are they getting worse? It must be very difficult for the both of you. 

Best, 

Ginny

* * *

_Wednesday 3 rd March_

Al, 

Saw mum yesterday and she explained some of what happened. You don't need to tell me everything if you don't want to, I'm just glad you're back and okay, you had me proper worried there. Are you back in your dorm tonight? Let me know if you want to talk, I can come over whenever if you want me to.

James

* * *

_Thursday 4 th March_

Dear Dad, 

I've been feeling a lot better today and Albus and I have both been back in lessons again. None of the teachers mentioned anything about us missing lessons in front of everyone else which was good, but I waited at the end of the class and got work from Transfiguration and Divination to catch up with (Professor Longbottom said I didn't need to worry about doing anything extra for Herbology).

I can't remember if I said on Monday but I am really sorry that you had to get that letter from Madam Pomfrey and come all the way to school because of me. It seems really silly now I'm looking back at it but I felt so awful after those dreams, and after I woke up on Sunday morning and realised Albus still wasn't there I went round half the castle and even to the Gryffindor common room to speak to James and Lily, but they didn't know anything either. Then I suddenly remembered the Room of Requirement (I don't know why I hadn't thought of it earlier) and was so relieved because I felt like I knew that's where he would be, so I went there straight away but as soon as I went in something seemed really wrong. And he wasn't there, not any more although he clearly had been in there since the last time we went together, because there were a load of new pictures he'd done and hadn't bothered to tidy away. They were really scary dad, all wild and angry-looking, and some of them were ripped up but you could see they had this creepy dark figure in the middle, kind of twisted and bent, and the ones that were painted instead of sketched were all this blinding green colour surrounded by black. I felt like he must have been really angry or upset when he did them and then for him to leave without covering them or putting them away like he usually does so I can't see.

After that I didn't really know what to do, I sent him an owl but then I just went back to the dormitory and hid because I didn't want to see anyone else, but I just kept thinking about the paintings and it made me more and more worried until I couldn't breathe and then all I could think about was what if Albus died and I started to feel like I would die there and then too. I think someone must have come in and seen me and gone to get Madam Pomfrey because I don't remember anything of how I got from the dorm to the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey was really good though, she didn't ask too many questions, but she sat with me for quite a while so I didn't have to be by myself.

I was so relieved on Monday morning though when they told me that Albus had been found, because if I'd woken up and he'd still been missing then, I don't know what I would have done. Once they brought him up to the wing in the evening (after you left) we only had a few minutes to talk before Madam Pomfrey insisted on giving us both sleeping draughts so we could get a proper night's sleep. I felt a million times better just knowing he was there though. 

We talked a bit more yesterday although I think he is still feeling really on edge, and he hasn't told me what happened on Saturday to make him disappear - he said he wanted to speak to somebody else first before he told me. I thought that was a bit strange, but it's Albus, I trust him and I know he'll tell me when he's ready. I'm not sure if it's something to do with Nurse Finch because he was supposed to be seeing him on Saturday, but I'm just guessing really.

Anyway that's about all from me. I'm sorry for making you so worried dad, I promise I'll try and stop panicking when stuff happens like that. Hope everything is okay at home.

Love,

Scorpius

* * *

_Friday 5 th March_

James,

I'm sorry for everything mate, I was an idiot. Seem to be making a habit of it, I guess. This weekend made me properly think about things and I can see now how stupidly I've been acting.

I'm sorry Scorpius had to come and find you too, it sounds like he was really panicked, worse than he's been before. I don't think I realised how much everything that happened is still affecting him too, and I didn't really understand until now that I think he really cares when I'm not there. I know we've always been best friends and I'd be lost without him obviously, but he's so clever and funny and kind and everything, I think I always thought he would just get bored one day and realise he could find better friends. But I guess maybe now I see that isn't completely true, maybe he does need me too, sometimes at least. I'm going to try and be a better friend, because I've been doing a terrible job at that so far this year and he deserves better, even if sometimes I think he'd be better off without me. 

I'm going to go to Nurse Finch tonight and see if I can start talking about some stuff with him because I think there's some things I've been trying to ignore which I just need to get out. Once I feel like I've pulled myself together a bit more I'll tell you everything.

Al

* * *

_Saturday 6 th March_

Dear Scorpius,

I had hoped to speak with you in person on Monday but I'm afraid that by the time Harry and I had finished talking to Professor McGonagall you were already asleep. I know that your father had spent some time with you, and Madam Pomfrey always provides excellent care, but I wanted to check in and see how you were feeling - I hear that you had a pretty rough couple of nights and I'm very sorry for that.

You and Albus have always been close, and I'm very grateful to you Scorpius for all the help and care you've provided to him over the years. However, I want you to know that there is absolutely no pressure on you, from me or Harry or from anyone else, to be there for him at all times, especially if it's having an impact on you and making you unhappy or stressed. It's clear from the past couple of months that Albus is struggling with some complex feelings and Harry and I have realised that we need to do more to support him. I wouldn't want you to feel that his wellbeing is resting solely on your shoulders - it's wonderful that you are so selfless and open-hearted but that shouldn't mean you have to take on other people's burdens as well as your own. 

I feel as though I always have cause to apologise to you Scorpius. After everything you've experienced, you remain a truly remarkable young man and I'm confident that your mum would be extremely proud of you.

Lastly, I very much hope that this will be a turning point for Al and nothing like this will ever happen again, but if you ever find yourself feeling that you have nowhere to turn, please know that you can owl or floo to us and there will always be a place for you in our home, no questions asked.

With love,

Ginny Potter

* * *

_Monday 8 th March_

Dear Mum and Dad,

I know it's taken me a few days to write this but I went to see Nurse Finch on Thursday and he helped me a bit with figuring out what to say. 

Firstly, I'm really sorry for the way I've been acting since Godric's Hollow, I think you've been able to tell that I'm not really myself and I know that I've been hurtful to you, and James and Lil, and really awful to Scorpius. I think this weekend finally made me realise that how I've been feeling wasn't really normal and I don't want to keep making everyone stressed and worried.

I'm sorry also that I couldn't tell you everything that happened on Monday, I felt sort of overwhelmed and I wanted to get things straight in my head first rather than making any more stupid decisions. Here goes. So I had been planning to go and see Nurse Finch on Saturday but a little while before I was planning to go over there, I was by myself in the common room (Scorpius was in the library and almost everyone else was down at the lake because there was this whole weird party thing for the giant squid's birthday, how do they even know when its birthday is?) and I was just trying to work on some essays but then Professor McGonagall came in and she was with Craig Bowker's mum and his sister Sadie. They weren't looking for me, they were just there to pick up the last of Craig's things from his dormitory, but because I was the only one there it was kind of obvious who I was.

Mrs Bowker was obviously very upset and I think seeing me made things worse for her, she didn't say very much and Professor McGonagall sort of apologised for interrupting me and then they went through into the dorm. It was only a couple of minutes and none of them did anything to deliberately make me feel bad, but I just felt like after I'd seen them I couldn't stay in the same building, I had to get out.

I haven't said anything to anyone until now because I was hoping it would go away but I've been thinking about Craig a lot ever since Godric's Hollow, basically every day. I keep having dreams about him and I've not really been sleeping because I can't keep watching him die over and over again, and I didn't want anyone to know because I know it was all my fault. Every time we are in the common room or in lessons and I see Craig's friends, or we are at dinner or breakfast and I have to look at the gap where he used to sit, or anything like that I just have this awful numb guilty feeling, as if there's something crushing my chest and I can barely breathe. He died because of me, and now his family will never see him again, and he'll never finish school and never have a life and all for nothing because it didn't make any difference to Delphi anyway. He died and it's all I've been able to think about for months and it should have been me instead.

I didn't want to see anyone or talk to anyone after seeing Mrs Bowker so I left the castle and I went to the Forbidden Forest, I know it's dangerous there but it was the only place I could think of where nobody would find me. I didn't have a plan or anything, I just couldn't be around other people, not even Scorpius because it made me think of how close we were to Delphi killing him too and all the pain that he had to go through. I wanted to stay in the forest somehow and get away from everything, and I managed alright for the first night because I found this kind of hollow tree for shelter, but it was so cold, and when I woke up I couldn't remember which direction I'd come from and then I wandered all day and wasn't sure if I'd ever be able to find my way back out. I think it must have been dark for a few hours by the time I eventually managed to see some lights through the trees and realised it was Hogsmeade.

I made it to Teddy and Vic's and they were so nice, they didn't care that it was the middle of the night, they helped me get warm again and said they would take care of everything even though they probably had no idea what was going on and I don't think I was making very much sense. They didn't ask too many questions but I told them that I had seen Craig's mum and that I'd not been sleeping really and then I think Vic maybe gave me a sleeping draught or something because I don't remember much else until the morning when they took me back up to Hogwarts and then you pretty much know what happened from there.

I think that's everything. Nurse Finch (or Oswald, he said I could call him that) was good when I saw him and he said that I can go back to talk to him whenever I like but he recommended that I meet him a couple of times a week at least. He went through a list of questions and he asked me what I wanted to do and how I was feeling, and then he asked how I _wanted_ to feel. And when I thought about it I could only really think about being in the forest in the dark and the cold, and seeing the Hogsmeade lights, and realising that I didn't want to stay there on my own anymore. I want to be back with everyone and I just want to feel okay again, because I don't think I can keep going for much longer if I always feel the way I do now.

I'm going to tell Scorpius next because I still haven't told him about Mrs Bowker and about Craig, and I'm going to do my best to go back to see Oswald regularly and try not to hide from everyone again because I feel bad. I'm really sorry again.

Albus

X

* * *

_Tuesday 9 th March_

Al,

Did you make it to go see Finch like you said? Hope he was okay.

Mate I don't want to be all 'I told you so' again, but I really could have told you all that about Scorpius needing you just as much as you need him. You two just go together, you know, you make sense. I guess it's difficult but you have to stop putting yourself down and thinking you're not good enough because I'm sure he probably feels the same way and then it stops either of you from being able to talk properly. Nobody thinks they would be better off without you. We love you, Al.

James

P.S. Look you made me get all soppy and big-brothery, I hope you're happy.

* * *

_Wednesday 10 th March_

Dear Dad,

Thank you for the Hogwarts history books, they arrived yesterday and I'm about halfway through the first one already, it's so interesting. Everything is still okay here, I'm doing fine with school work and I've only had a couple more bad dreams but Albus has been there to help talk through them with me.

We ended up having a really long talk yesterday evening and he finally told me what happened last weekend - he met Craig Bowker's mum. Craig was the boy Delphi killed and of course Albus feels like it was his fault even though it obviously wasn't, but all this time since Godric's Hollow he has been thinking about Craig and that's why he hasn't been sleeping, why he can't concentrate in lessons, why he hasn't been talking to me properly. I feel awful dad, that I never realised that's what was making him so unhappy, why couldn't I see it?

He apologised to me again for being a 'bad friend' and I told him he was being silly but he said that he hadn't realised until now how difficult things have been for me with the panic attacks, and he was going to do his best to help more with those. He seemed to be being really harsh on himself and he looks so tired and so ill, as if he's been locked in a room with no sunlight for months and months or something. 

The one good thing is that he has been back to see Nurse Finch twice now and it seems like that is making a difference, I'm so glad he's finally talking to someone about everything because I've been so worried about him.

I hope you're doing alright at home. Have you been over to the archives again this week?

Love,

Scorpius

* * *

_Thursday 11 th March_

Dear Albus,

It's dad. I know your mum usually writes but I've been thinking about whether to send this for a few days and I decided to give it a go. After Godric's Hollow I thought it would be better to give you space, let you figure things out on your own, I know you like to do that and not be crowded. Now I think maybe that wasn't the right thing to do, and I'm sorry for not being there for you enough, sorry that you felt you had nowhere to go.

I'd like to come and visit you at Hogwarts soon, if that would be okay? There are some things I want to share with you. No discipline, no telling you off. I think it would be good for us to talk. Maybe next weekend, the 20th? 

Let me know if you'll be free.

I love you, Al.

Dad

* * *

_Friday 12 th March_

James,

Yeah I've been to see Oswald a few times and he's been nice, it's good to be able to talk to someone who doesn't already know loads about me - he doesn't have ideas about what I'm like before I tell him stuff, you know? So I can tell him pretty much anything. I've talked to him about what happened with Delphi and everything, and he said that it's normal to feel weird and bad after going through stress like that, and it's common for people to feel guilty even if things aren't necessarily their fault. We're trying to work out a way for me to kind of identify which of my thoughts are 'really me' and which are irrational or just a result of being stressed and down. He's really chilled which is helpful when I start to get too much inside my own head. It's like talking to a friend instead of a teacher.

I told Scorpius everything a few days ago too and I tried to properly apologise to him although he was sort of dismissive of that and said he wasn't upset by how I'd acted. I think he probably didn't want to make me feel bad.

I know you don't like getting all mushy and emotional but I do appreciate you writing to me even though I'm annoying. I love you too, big bro.

Al

* * *

_Saturday 13 th March_

Dear Ginny,

I wondered if I might ask a favour. I was at the Ministry archives yesterday; one of the pieces I have been trying to research is a multi-lens telescope which seems to hold some kind of spectrum-shifting charm. Vivian Entwistle mentioned that the Prophet may hold some astronomical data reaching back as far as the 1620s when I believe the telescope was created, so this may be a way for us to determine the as-yet-unknown maker. If it wouldn't be too much of an imposition, I'd be grateful if you were able to check whether this information is held in the Prophet archives or not.

I hear from Scorpius that Albus has seen Oswald Finch several times and is apparently making some progress. Scorpius is very relieved by this and I hope it comes as a source of positivity for you too - I have to say, I really felt for him when I discovered that he was still dwelling on his guilt over Craig Bowker. The Draco of two or three years ago would probably be appalled to admit any kind of fondness for him, but Albus seems a very thoughtful and empathetic boy, and (with a few lapses in judgement here and there) an attentive friend. The old Potter/Malfoy rivalry is an odd thing, isn't it; who would have thought that our sons would be the ones bridging this gap? I certainly never expected it, but if I am honest with myself I'm very glad that they found each other, and that together they have given me an opportunity to _not_ be the Draco of two or three years ago anymore.

I hope all is well with you, and pass my regards to Harry. If it's too much hassle to look into the astronomical information at the Prophet, please don't worry.

Best,

Draco

* * *

_Monday 15 th March_

Dear Dad,

Thanks for owling. I get why you hadn't written before and it's alright.

There's a quidditch match on Saturday but I probably wasn't planning to go anyway so I think it'll be okay if you still want to visit. Let me know what time and I'll meet you in the Great Hall.

Albus

* * *

_Tuesday 16 th March_

Al,

Mate that all sounds really good, didn't I tell you I'd heard great stuff about Finch? All this time you've seemed really miserable, I'm proud of you for deciding to try and do something about it because you deserve to feel better.

I saw Scorpius between lessons this morning and he still looked kind of ill, is he having more panic attacks? Poor kid.

James

* * *

_Wednesday 17 th March_

Dear Scorpius,

How are you getting on with the books now, have you finished them all yet? You always were a fast reader but I'm sure you've gotten even quicker these past few years.

I'm sorry to hear that Albus is still feeling unhappy but glad that his sessions with Nurse Finch seem to be making a difference. I hope you are taking care of yourself too - are the dreams still persisting this week? How severe are they?

There is no need for you to believe you should have foreseen Albus's feelings about Craig. It sounds as though he didn't want anyone to know, including you. From what I can tell he seems a very stubborn individual; I doubt that you could ever have guessed something like that with no hints from him. You are his friend and you do a wonderful job at being there for him but there will inevitably be occasions where he might need help from somewhere or someone else. That does not mean you aren't doing enough.

It's been a fairly quiet week for me. I'm usually at the archives a couple of days a week now but their head archivist Dr Entwistle is away this week so I'm working through some more of the objects from the cellar in the Manor's east wing, where unfortunately there are an awful lot of cobwebs and not a great deal of historical interest. I ran into Mrs Hayhurst again yesterday and after a chat she invited me round for afternoon tea, so I'm visiting her tomorrow. I'm sure she will ask me to say hello you to again so I'll pass that on pre-emptively. 

One last thing to mention - it is just over two weeks until the Easter weekend. If it's still customary for lessons to be cancelled on Good Friday and Easter Monday, I had thought that perhaps you might like to come home for a long weekend visit. This is a suggestion and not compulsory by any means; but I feel as though summer is a long way away still and it may be nice to spend some time together.

Love,

Dad

* * *

_Thursday 18 th March_

Dear Albus,

I'm looking forward to seeing you on Saturday - if you're sure you don't mind missing the quidditch match, that is. Shall we meet in the Great Hall around 2pm? I thought it might be good to go for a walk; the weather forecast is saying it's supposed to be a nice day.

Love,

Dad

* * *

_Friday 19 th March_

Dear Draco,

I've just checked in with Georgie in our archive team and she said their astronomical data collection is pretty robust all the way back to around 1550, so you're welcome to come in and take a look! The telescope sounds fascinating - is it something which likely had links to dark magic or is it purely scientific?

Feel free to drop by the Prophet offices at any time (I'll let Georgie know to expect you), but if you are free on Monday I do have a few hours spare since they have discovered a Cornish pixie nest above the roof of our office and the three of us in there have officially been kicked out until they can be got rid of. Perhaps you fancy meeting for lunch? It's been a while since we caught up in person.

As for the boys, Albus is giving hints at wanting to talk with us more openly and I am immensely grateful for that, although it makes me feel a little sick that for so long he was preoccupied with this grief and guilt. Thinking back, I must admit it was something of a surprise to me too when Albus wrote to us in first year and told us he'd made friends with Scorpius (although I think I was considerably less put out than Harry and my brothers at the thought of a Potter-Weasley-Malfoy friendship). But as time went by I could see that their bond was something special, the kind I never had during my earlier years at Hogwarts. The more I got to know Scorpius the more he felt like a part of our family too - I hope you don't mind me saying that. I suppose it goes to show that the legacies of one's parents don't always have to be followed.

Let me know about Monday. No pressure if you can't make it; hope to see you soon either way.

Best,

Ginny

* * *

_Saturday 20 th March_

Dear Dad,

I finished the Hogwarts books and they were all really interesting, thank you again for sending them. Did you know that the fifth-floor Prefects' Bathroom hasn't always been there? It was built about two hundred years after the rest of the castle and it was originally used by heads of house, not students at all!

Everything is mostly alright with me, our History of Magic spring projects are due in next week so I'm planning to spend most of this weekend working on mine I think. I have had a few more dreams this week, a couple which were just the usual bad stuff but I did have one the night before last where it was Delphi and the cruciatus curse again. I didn't write to you at the time because I feel like I'm always doing that, but it was horrible, it felt so real and it took ages for the pain to go away once I woke up. Albus was really good though, he was already awake (I think I shouted in my sleep a bit) and he came and sat with me and we talked and he just kind of hugged me for a while which helped me calm down. He seems to be sleeping a bit more now, still quite lightly because he wakes up easily but it's a big change from last month.

Albus is meeting up with his dad today, he sometimes works at the Ministry on Saturdays but he's coming to Hogwarts instead and they are going for a walk I think. He seemed a bit nervous but hopefully it will give them time to talk about things properly now that everything is more out in the open. We're thinking of going back to the Room of Requirement tomorrow for a bit as well, we've not been back since before Al went missing at the start of the month but I miss being able to practice piano and he said that he'd quite like to go back so we can have some peace and quiet too, away from everyone in the common room. 

Yes, I think I can probably come home for a few days at Easter to visit; I think Albus might be doing the same thing. Do you want to pick me up by floo on the Friday morning? I hope your afternoon tea with Mrs Hayhurst was nice and that you said hello from me.

Love,

Scorpius

* * *

_Sunday 21 st March_

James,

Sorry I'm so bad at remembering to reply to you. Is it weird that we owl each other from opposite ends of the castle still?

Don't know if the parents said anything to you but I met up with Dad yesterday, he came to meet me here and then we went out for a walk. I knew he wanted to talk about stuff but I wasn't sure what, and he ended up taking me to the graveyard where Cedric Diggory is buried. It was weird but we actually did talk. He apologised for what he said to me back in September and said he's scared he's not being a good dad to me, and that he didn't care what house I was in or anything like that. He goes to the grave sometimes when he's thinking about Cedric, because he didn't deserve to die, just like Craig really. It wasn't like any conversation we've had before really, but I think it was good.

Scorpius is alright, he's still getting pretty bad dreams and panic attacks sometimes too. Thursday night we were both up quite a while because he was dreaming about Delphi torturing him again and he woke up in a lot of pain. I panicked a bit too to be honest because it reminded me of everything and I wanted to run away again but I managed to get over it and I stayed and sat with him. He was really stressed but I hugged him for a while and that seemed to calm him down more. It's just difficult seeing him hurting like that, you know.

Oswald is still being really helpful, I get to go see him again tomorrow. Last time I talked about dad a bit so I think I'll tell him more about what we talked about yesterday too. We've mostly talked about Craig until now, and Delphi, and he's given me some exercises to do like recording my thoughts and starting to work out what triggers me feeling really down or wanting to run off. It's a bit strange thinking about my own thoughts like that but I think I probably feel a bit better than I have done since Godric's Hollow. So I guess whatever he's doing is making a difference, even if it has only been a few weeks.

Anyway hope the match was good yesterday, Hufflepuff win was what you wanted right, so Ravenclaw didn't get ahead?

Al

* * *

_Tuesday 23 rd March_

Dear Ginny,

Thank you for lunch yesterday. I confess that I ate the leftover cake I took with me almost as soon as I got back to the Manor; I don't think Scorpius's sweet tooth came entirely from Astoria's side of the family. I'm hoping you won't think too badly of me for my lack of self-control.

I've gone through some of the astronomical charts that Georgina was kind enough to copy for me and I've been able to identify a few potential candidates for the original owner of the telescope, which should be able to narrow down the archive team's research areas. I do very much appreciate the help.

As for what we were speaking about before I left, I do think I will continue making an effort to talk to Scorpius more about Astoria. With everything that happened between him and Albus since the New Year, it became harder to continue the conversations we began over Christmas, but I hope that having him home for a few days over Easter will give us the time to pick up where we left off. It hit me quite suddenly the other day that we are approaching two years since we lost her, and as unimaginable as that thought may be, when I look back it does seem that perhaps the pain isn't quite as raw as it once was. She will be with me forever, of course, and I hope that one day I will be able to remember her with more joy than sadness.

Do let me know how it went with the Cornish pixies - can I assume that you are now reinstated in your office?

Best,

Draco

* * *

_Thursday 25 th March_

Dear Draco,

We are back in the office as of this morning! The pest control team had to stay overnight to wait out the pixies because they were forming a protest group in the buildings across the street ready to launch a reinvasion, but eventually they got bored of waiting and gave up. Don't worry about my judging you for the cake - I'd eaten my leftovers by about half past five too and Harry was deeply offended that I didn't save him any.

As for Astoria, I do think I have seen a change over this last year and a half. When I think back to that autumn, even though I only saw you once or twice I could tell that you were in a very dark place. Now I know that you still think of her every day but it seems as though some of the weight has been lifted from your shoulders and from Scorpius's too. With Fred, it never felt like my grief was any different until a couple of years after he was killed, when I could see with hindsight how far I'd come. Loss makes perspective very difficult but trust me, you are doing better than you think. It gets easier.

Best,

Ginny

* * *

_Friday 26 th March_

Dear Scorpius,

I hope your week is going well. That's very interesting about the Prefects' Bathroom, I'm glad the books proved entertaining for you.

You know that you can write to me during the night if that helps you with the dreams. Do you think they are getting better at all? If not, it might be worth visiting Madam Pomfrey again to enquire about more calming draughts or sleeping potions - I know you won't want to get behind on your school work as a result of your disturbed sleep.

I've met Agatha (Mrs Hayhurst) a couple of times since our afternoon tea last Thursday and she really is a fascinating person. I believe I mentioned her gardening in a previous letter, but it transpires that her career was in magical botany and she is something of an expert in identifying and discovering plants. She travelled extensively through Europe and Asia in her youth and is responsible for the discovery of multiple species - we would have no such thing as Anti-Flu Brew without the ingredients she found. To be frank, I am a little ashamed that we have lived in such close proximity for so long and it took until now for me to become aware of her accomplishments.

As for Easter, I will let Professor McGonagall know that I plan to pick you up by floo on Good Friday and assuming she agrees, I will see you next week. I hope that Albus's talks with his father went well and that your Room of Requirement visit was relaxing for the both of you.

Love,

Dad

* * *

_Saturday 27 th March_

Dear Albus,

I'm sorry it's taken me a little while to write after I saw you on Saturday, I can't give too many details but we had a case this week which involved several unpleasant individuals and a powerful exploding charm, and it took up rather a lot of time. Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I really appreciate you taking time out of your weekend to talk to me.

I've been thinking a lot about everything we talked about and especially about Craig, and Cedric. I'm really sorry that I never made that connection until now, Al. It should never have taken me so long to see what was wrong and you shouldn't have had to reach the point of wanting to run away or be alone.

After Cedric was killed I struggled for a long time, and I don't think very many people knew that. I was hurt, and I felt guilty, but I think most of all I was angry. Angry at Voldemort obviously, but also angry at Dumbledore, angry at Cedric himself, and angry at myself. Everything felt so unfair and all I could do was keep plodding along this path that had been set out for me and keep seeing people hurt and in pain, supposedly because of me. 

I know things aren't exactly the same for you, and what happened to Craig is a bit different to Cedric, but Al, it's normal to be angry. Everything feels unfair because it _is_ unfair and that's very difficult to accept. You and Scorpius went through a terrible experience and it will probably always stay with you in some way, but that doesn't mean it will make you angry and sad all the time. It will get better eventually. What you are doing now - talking to us, going to see Oswald - is brilliant and is so much more than I did after Cedric. You're being brave and I'm so proud of you Albus.

I'm not sure if I'm making much sense really (don't know if I did last weekend either) and I'm sure your mum could say all this in a much better way but I wanted you to know straight from me to you that I'm sorry, that I think I do understand some of what you are feeling and that I think you are managing everything remarkably well actually, even though you might not feel like that sometimes. 

Anyway I'm sure you have lots more important things to be getting on with than reading a letter from your annoying old dad, so I'll leave it here. I hope your classes are going well and Scorpius is doing alright, and I'll see you next weekend for Easter.

Love,

Dad

* * *

_Monday 29 th March_

Hi Mum, hi Dad,

Haven't sent an Albus update in a while, have I? Seems as though he's talking to you both a bit more though which is good. I'm still talking to him by owl mostly but I've run into him in the corridors a few times the past couple of weeks and he's said hi and we've talked about lessons a bit, and he seems loads better than he was back in January when he wouldn't speak to me at all. He's clearly still not sleeping right though and I think he's pretty hung up on what happened with Craig Bowker but he seems to be sticking with the visits to Nurse Finch. Scorpius looks rough as hell still and I never really see him away from Al at all now.

FYI, Lily might be owling you with some story about her pygmy puff and a stray incendio charm but just remember she's a compulsive liar and I'm an excellent child all around.

James

* * *

_Tuesday 30 th March_

Dear Dad,

Professor Longbottom gave me a 92 on my Herbology essay this week; it's not my best mark ever but it was top in the class and he said it was a difficult topic (varieties of chomping cabbage) so I'm quite pleased.

I'm not sure about the dreams really, I thought they were getting better for a while. Now it seems like they are a bit worse and I don't know why. It's difficult because Albus wants me to tell him everything and I know it's best to be honest but I don't want him to think it's his fault again. And it seems silly to go to Madam Pomfrey for something like bad dreams.

That's really cool about Mrs Hayhurst though. I remember Professor Longbottom saying once that botany and herbology are still really active fields of research and that lots of new species were being discovered around the turn of the century especially; was she part of that big group of researchers do you think?

Professor McGonagall is happy for me to come home by floo via her office. Albus is going home for the Easter weekend too with his brother and sister but they are leaving on Thursday evening. It'll be weird not seeing him for a few days because we've been spending basically all day every day together, especially since our timetables match exactly this term. We went back to the Room of Requirement both days this weekend and Al has started doing some painting again although he won't show me what he's working on. I've been doing more piano and I'm struggling to get much better, I was trying to learn a couple of muggle songs that Albus likes but they're really difficult. Anyway I will see you on Friday, I hope everything is okay at home.

Love,

Scorpius

* * *

_Wednesday 31 st March_

Dear Dad,

Thanks for your letter. I probably should have written sooner as well.

It was actually really good to see you and to talk properly, I was a bit nervous about it beforehand to be honest because I wasn't sure if you were going to be cross at me. I didn't realise that you had felt so bad about Cedric back when you were at school which is my own fault for never asking I suppose. Are you sure that it's normal to be angry? I haven't talked to Oswald about it much yet but I feel like I find myself getting frustrated and angry at things that aren't even anything to do with Craig sometimes.

I'm glad that mum and James and Scorpius all managed to persuade me to see Oswald though because I really didn't think it would make that much difference. I can tell it's been helping to just talk about things though rather than waiting for everything to go away by itself. At the moment he's been getting me to concentrate on when I feel guilty and trying to figure out if it makes sense for me to feel that way or not, whether it's a 'proportionate response'. He's also said a lot about recognising that guilt isn't a very useful feeling and it's better to 'channel my energy' into something that will make it easier to get through the guilty feelings in a productive way.

I think I'm waffling now. Scorpius is doing alright although he seems quite quiet lately and I don't know if there's something he's not telling me. I think he's looking forward to being with his dad for Easter though. I'm actually looking forward to coming home too, and eating plenty of chocolate of course.

I don't think you'll have time to write a reply before tomorrow night so I'll see you then. 

Love you.

Al

X

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look, no cliffhanger! Don't say I'm never nice to you guys. 
> 
> For real though, thank you so much to everyone who read and commented on chapter five, I loved hearing your theories about where Albus had vanished to. Hopefully the real answer isn't a disappointment. Next chapter on Sunday! 
> 
> Let me know your thoughts in the comments or find me on Twitter/Tumblr @trolleybitch 💜


	7. April

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scorpius reaches breaking point over the Easter holidays, and Albus and Draco have to decide when it's time to intervene.

_Friday 2 nd April_

Scorpius,

Are you back at home yet? We got home fine yesterday evening and I've just been having a late breakfast with the others because I slept in till almost ten o'clock! Dad tried to make homemade hot cross buns and they came out a bit flat and hard but we're eating them anyway. I can't remember what time you said your dad was coming to pick you up but hopefully you don't have to wait around for too long.

Did the Honeydukes Easter egg for your dad arrive in time?

Al

Dear Albus,

We've just flooed back home and got your owl, it's about half past twelve. Yes, the Honeydukes Easter egg arrived with this morning's post and I managed to pack it before Dad arrived so he didn't see it, hopefully it'll be a surprise on Sunday. 

I made a start on my Arithmancy essay this morning before Dad turned up although I think I might do something non-homework this afternoon. It's a bit weird only having the one essay to work on for the whole weekend, I feel like I'll be wandering around with nothing to do. I suppose you're quite happy about the lack of homework though.

Have you had the talk with your parents yet?

From Scorpius

* * *

_Saturday 3 rd April_

Scorpius,

I bet your dad will love the Easter egg! I think it's really sweet you bought one for him, it makes me think I should probably do that for my parents although I know James and Lily haven't bought any so I doubt they'll be expecting me to either.

Yeah I'm pretty happy about the essay, I feel like I spent all of the Christmas holidays doing homework so this will be a nice break. I haven't started on Arithmancy yet though, I can't decide which question to answer. Which did you pick?

I'm going to try and talk to mum and dad tonight or tomorrow I think. James is meeting up with some of his friends this evening so if I can get Lily distracted too then I might be able to talk to them by myself. I just don't know how they're going to react. I know Oswald said it was important to be open and honest but _depression_ just seems like such a dramatic word. I'm grateful you spent all that time helping with me what to say though.

Al

Dear Albus,

I picked the rune-coordinate vector question for Arithmancy, I've nearly finished the essay now. I'm planning to give dad the Easter egg tomorrow. 

Let me know how it goes if you did talk to your parents tonight. I know it's scary but you've been doing so well with Nurse Finch and you said he thought it was a good thing for your parents to know what was going on. Let me know.

From Scorpius

* * *

_Sunday 4 th April_

Scorpius,

I talked to mum and dad last night, for quite a while in the end. It was all fine actually, they were quite quiet and they mostly just listened and asked a couple of questions about how I was feeling now and what Oswald thought about everything. I think they were maybe a bit freaked out by the idea of it being a proper 'diagnosis' but I told them what Oswald said about depression really just being a word to describe a variety of experiences and it's different for everyone, and for me it just means that sometimes when I get down, it's harder for me to get out of that feeling than it would be for other people.

James is in a bit of trouble because he got back super late last night from the pub smelling of firewhiskey! He's complaining about a headache this morning so me and Lil are being helpful by singing loudly whenever he comes into the room. We're supposed to be going out this afternoon for a family picnic but dad is grumbling about the weather being 'on the turn' so I'm not sure if we'll get rained off.

Is everything alright with you and your dad? You seem quiet.

Al

Dear Albus,

Really good talking to your parents well done. Sure they will understand. James sounds funny hope your picnic went okay. All fine here.

Scorpius

Scorpius,

We went out for the picnic but then it started raining about halfway through and dad insisted on staying out even though his impervius charm was a bit patchy and now my hoody is soaked all down the right-hand side. 

Are you okay? Your letter was weird.

Al

Dear Ginny,

I'm very sorry to impose and I'm aware it's extremely short notice (I'm sending this with our fastest owl), but is there any possibility I could bring Scorpius over for an hour or two this evening? He's been very anxious and distressed all weekend and at this point is almost inconsolable. I don't know what else to do - the only thing I can think of is that seeing Albus might help him. I'd be hugely grateful if you can help.

Best,

Draco

Dear Draco,

Of course. Bring him over as soon as you get this, we'll be waiting.

Ginny

* * *

_Monday 5 th April_

Scorpius,

How are you feeling this morning? Mum and dad have agreed to take me back to school by floo at about 2pm so I'll be there by the time you get back this afternoon too. Please just tell me if you're feeling that way again, okay? I was so scared.

Al

Al,

Didn't want to ask yesterday night and obviously was out all morning but what happened with Scorpius? It sounded kind of intense (not like I was trying to overhear). Is he okay, still coming back to school today? Owl me when you're back in the dorms if you can.

James

Dear Scorpius,

I spoke to Professor McGonagall after I left you in the dormitory and she has agreed that if you need to take any time out of lessons she will be happy to authorise this for you, all you need to do is send her a note and she will take care of informing your teachers. Please will you write back in the morning and let me know if you slept alright or if you're still feeling unwell?

Love,

Dad

* * *

_Tuesday 6 th April_

James,

Right sorry I didn't get time to owl last night, I didn't want to leave Scorpius by himself for too long. Writing this while we're in Divination and supposed to be working on star charts so it might be a bit rushed. 

Scorp was back at home for Easter too with his dad, he seemed to be quite looking forward to it although he's been having a rough time with more dreams the past couple of weeks and he's been kind of quiet. Then when I was writing to him over the weekend his letters were weird and really short which isn't like him because you know he normally never shuts up. And his dad owled mum on Sunday afternoon and asked if he could bring Scorp over to see me. It turned out he'd been having more really bad panic attacks, I think like how it was when he ended up in the hospital wing back at the end of February. 

They flooed over at about six which I guess is why dad took you and Lil out for dinner then, although mum obviously stayed with us. He looked awful James, so ill and so scared, and I was really scared too. His dad seemed anxious too and said that Scorp had had nightmares on Friday night and then he'd just gotten worse and worse, panicking and struggling to breathe. He apparently wouldn't tell his dad what was really wrong until on Sunday when Draco said he'd take Scorpius to the hospital and then he gave in and said he wanted to see me. Mum and Draco left us by ourselves once he'd explained that and then I could go through the counting routine I normally do with Scorp to calm him down. He seemed better after that although still really tired and shaky so we just sat and kind of hugged for a while. I asked him why he was feeling so bad and why he wanted to see me and he said he'd had nightmares about the dark world and Delphi. I felt like maybe there was something more than that (because he's had dreams like that before and not been so bad) but I didn't want to push it.

..

Sorry, Divination ended and then had Care of Magical Creatures so trying to finish this at lunch, but that's about it really - he stayed for a few hours and I just tried to distract him by talking about books and music and things. He seemed calmer but really quiet by the time he and his dad had to go home, but I felt a bit better about him leaving since I'd see him on Monday anyway when we were both back at school. 

I was back before him yesterday so I could meet him as soon as Draco dropped him off and he was a lot chattier, I think he was putting a brave face on it a bit because he was all smiley and sort of pretending like nothing had happened. We've got a couple of group work things starting in lessons this week so we'll be busy but I'm going to try and talk to him and figure out of there's anything else going on that's making his dreams worse.

Anyway sorry for messing up your Easter Sunday evening, hope dinner ended up being alright.

Al

P.S. Saw Rose at breakfast and she told me she saw you and Fran McIntyre looking _cosy_ in the library. Are you a thing?

* * *

_Tuesday 6 th April_

Dear Dad,

Thank you for talking to Professor McGonagall for me. I'm hoping that I won't need to take any time out of lessons and you know I enjoy most of the homework we get and it will help keep me busy. Last night was fine, Albus stayed with me the whole evening so I didn't feel too stressed, and I had a couple of dreams overnight but I was able to get back to sleep alright.

I am really sorry for ruining your weekend, I know you wanted us to have days out together and I destroyed all your plans. I think it was probably because I've just had a lot of school work on and I was tired, so that should get better in a few weeks once most of the class projects are done and we only have exams to focus on. You really don't need to worry.

Love,

Scorpius

* * *

_Wednesday 7 th April_

Dear Ginny,

Thank you again for your generosity at the weekend. I really don't know what I would have done with Scorpius for another night if I hadn't been able to get him to see Albus.

He is insistent that the nightmares and panic attacks are only a result of school stress and that he will be fine in a few weeks, but I am less and less inclined to believe this. Quite honestly, it was all I could do to keep my own composure this weekend, watching him in that state of distress. Although I am supportive of his friendship with Albus, I'm concerned that he is struggling to get by without Al there alongside him. It would be unfair on Albus to expect him to be a constant companion, no matter how close they are as friends.

Minerva has agreed that Scorpius will be able to take time out of lessons if he requires and I am hoping to check back in with Poppy Pomfrey over the next few days to make sure he is being looked out for. I will keep you updated as and when I have news. In the meantime, perhaps I can offer a repeat of our lunch meeting sometime next week, as a token of my gratitude?

Best,

Draco

* * *

_Thursday 8 th April_

Dear Albus,

Hope that lessons are going alright and you haven't forgotten too much over the long weekend! I wanted to find the time to chat just the two of us but with everything that happened on Sunday night, that sort of pushed our conversations to the back of my mind. How is Scorpius doing now?

I think I said it in my other letter before, but I'm proud of you Al. I'm not sure how my and your mum's reactions came across at the weekend but we know it must have been difficult for you to tell us about everything you've been discussing with Oswald. We want to be as supportive as possible and we understand that the depression will make it hard for you to do things sometimes, whether that's school work or writing letters or decorating the tree at Christmas. We will never feel like you're a let-down or a disappointment or a failure, or any of those things you said on Sunday.

At the risk of making this all about myself instead of about you - I really rather wish I'd had an Oswald back when I was at Hogwarts. When you told me how he explained depression, how it affects different people, it made me think back to how I felt after Cedric died, and after the Battle of Hogwarts. I don't suppose I'll ever know, not really, but some of what you said sounded very familiar. I'm not sure if it's the kind of thing that runs in families, but if that's something I've passed down to you, I'm so sorry Albus.

I have to run now because I've got an early meeting at the Ministry, but I'll write again soon.

Love,

Dad

P.S. We're assuming that you haven't told Lily and James anything yet so we've not raised the subject with them either. If you'd like us to say something just let us know but otherwise we'll keep it to ourselves.

* * *

_Friday 9 th April_

Al, 

Shit, I didn't realise Scorpius was that bad. Have you managed to talk to him about it any more, figure out what's up? Can't Madam Pomfrey help with calming draughts or something?

I don't know him that well really but if there's anything I can do to help, let me know yeah? Or if it's making stuff difficult for you - I know things seem to be going well with Finch but it's still a lot for you to deal with on top of school work too.

James

P.S. No, me and Fran are not a thing. I wish.

* * *

_Saturday 10 th April_

Dear Draco,

No need to thank me - I'm sure you would have done the same if it had been Albus needing to see Scorpius. I'm just glad we were home and that Albus could be there for him; it was quite a shock to see him looking so upset when I'm used to seeing Scorpius in a good mood.

I have to agree that it's concerning to see him apparently so dependent on Al to stay calm; do you know if this kind of thing has happened before at school? I suppose it's quite similar to Al's little adventure at the end of February and Scorpius's panic attacks then, but I would have thought that knowing Albus was only at home for a few days would have alleviated the stress Scorpius felt. Regardless, I'm sorry that you had to watch him in that state for so long, I imagine it was a very difficult weekend. 

Perhaps it's worth exploring some options for potions to help him stay calm? I was actually chatting to Luna a few weeks ago and she was telling me about a type of calming draught which a few of her friends at St Mungo's have been introducing - it's not a draught in the traditional sense which has a fully calming or sedative effect for a number of hours, but it's a sort of low-level enchantment to gradually balance out a person's levels of adrenaline and help to channel their magical energy away from the parts of their brain which create stress or anxiety. Luna is often a bit batty but what she was saying actually made a lot of sense. Apparently these potions are based on some kind of muggle science about brain chemistry but the healers at St Mungo's have developed the solution to specifically help patients whose magic is making their anxiety worse by fuelling things like flashbacks and nightmares and interfering with their spell-casting. It's all a bit new and unusual, I know, but it sounded like the kind of thing that could make a real difference to someone like Scorpius. Anyway, maybe have a look into it.

As for us, Albus sat Harry and I down at the weekend for a talk - the first time he's ever done that - and let us know that Oswald Finch believes he has a type of chronic (ongoing) depression triggered by the events of last autumn. He seemed surprisingly calm when he was telling us and said that all his sessions with Oswald so far have been very helpful, and that he didn't want us to be worried. I don't really know how to feel. Of course I'm happy that he has finally found some explanation for how he's been feeling, and that he is getting help to deal with it, but it breaks my heart that he's been going through this alone. I don't think he had told anyone else at all and it seemed like a big step for him.

On a lighter note, lunch would be great. Maybe Friday this week? Let me know when you're free.

Best,

Ginny

* * *

_Sunday 11 th April_

Dear Dad,

Thanks for not being weird about the depression stuff. I wasn't sure if I should tell you and mum in person or if it was easier to write but Scorpius said it made more sense to tell you over Easter when we could talk about it properly. Don't tell him I told you, but he is always right.

Oswald says that it's normal to feel relieved after figuring out you have something like depression and that really is how I felt when he first said it. Not like I was happy that I was depressed, but it felt like everything over the past few months made a bit more sense.

Back in November how I was feeling seemed normal, after what happened with Delphi and Craig. But after a while it seemed as thought nothing was getting better, I still felt terrible even though everyone else was doing alright. And then over Christmas it got worse and when I found out about Scorpius's dreams it made me feel like I was dragging him into my problems somehow, and then I just wanted to be on my own because I didn't want anyone else to be miserable because of me. Anyway after ending up in the forest that night and finally going to see Oswald it's like I found my own voice inside my head again - the real me - and that made me realise that maybe it wasn't normal to be feeling so bad all the time, and I didn't want to accept that that was the only way I could feel. Does that make sense?

I'm not sure why I'm telling you this really. I guess just to say that knowing what this is and knowing there's a name for how I've been feeling means that I'm already doing a bit better I think. It's a lot less scary now I have that and I've got Oswald. There's still a lot of days where I don't feel right but I think I'll get there eventually.

Also dad I was wondering, I didn't ask when I was at home because of everything else going on, but could I maybe ask you some more questions about Cedric? If you don't want to talk about him it's fine though.

Love you.

Al

X

P.S. No, I haven't really said anything to James and Lil. I will eventually, I promise.

* * *

_Monday 12 th April_

Dear Dad,

I handed in my Transfiguration project on Friday so all that's left now is Care of Magical Creatures and then all the spring projects will be finished. We have a History of Magic group work assignment which started today though where we have to work in pairs. We didn't get to pick but my partner is Marion Litwin, she's a Ravenclaw and I've not spoken to her much before but she seems alright. 

I had a few more dreams last week but Albus (as usual) has been pretty good at calming me down. I did have a bit of a panic attack just after lunch on Thursday, only a small one though. I think Professor Longbottom must have sent a message to Albus because he came out of his session with Nurse Finch to come and help me, and I was fine after a while. We were in the Room of Requirement for most of the day yesterday, I read a bit and did some piano for a while too but mostly we sat and talked. Al is working on some kind of drawing or painting project but he won't tell me what it is. He looked like he was concentrating really hard though and erasing and re-doing lots of things.

Hope everything is okay at home.

Love,

Scorpius

* * *

_Wednesday 14 th April_

James,

So. Talked to Scorpius more at the weekend because we managed to get some time away from everyone else. We've been going to the Room of Requirement for a while now, it's kind of like a smaller version of the common room really but it's nice when it's busy and loud everywhere and we just need to chill.

Anyway he's been pretty quiet since Easter and he had another panic on Thursday, in lessons when I wasn't there because I was with Oswald. I figured it would be better to just ask him about it and I thought he'd say it was something to do with his dad, or he was having new nightmares or something. What actually happened was that I asked him what was up and he went dead silent and refused to answer at all for like half an hour. Eventually I got tired of it and then I said something about there being no point me staying there with him so I was just going to go back to the dorm and that _freaked_ him out, straight away he got all panicked and he looked so scared and he asked me to stay.

I did obviously, and as soon as I sat down with him again he was crying and then he sort of confessed everything without even looking at me. He said that every time I leave, if I'm in different lessons or when I'm with Oswald or at home or whatever, whenever he's on his own he gets these thoughts like I'm going to die and leave him all alone. And he knows it's not rational and I'm not in any danger here at school, but me not being there makes him think about the other world where I never existed, or when I wasn't talking to him at the beginning of the year, or when I was in the forest. And then all of that makes him think about his mum. 

It was horrible, James. He was crying and crying and he kept apologising and then after he'd said all of this he just looked at me and I can't remember his exact words but he basically said 'Mum died and left me on my own and I thought it was the worst thing in the world, but when I think about you dying or leaving me I sometimes think that would be worse'. What was I supposed to say to that? I felt awful because he had been doing alright for so long and then he's gotten so much more stressed since all the stupid things I did. If I hadn't stopped talking to him or run off then he would probably be fine but now I've made him think I'm going to abandon him at any moment. I think I've messed him up and I'm trying to avoid feeling like he'd be better off without me because that's what started all this in the first place. It's like some crappy never-ending loop of bad thinking.

I managed to calm him down enough that we could go back to the common room in the evening and of course I told him I wasn't going anywhere but I don't know what to do now. I'm going to talk to Oswald about it when I see him next time but I think I might try and write to Scorpius's dad as well. Is that a stupid idea?

Al

P.S. What do you mean you wish you and Fran were a thing?

* * *

_Thursday 15 th April_

Dear Ginny,

I've had a couple of brief updates from Scorpius this week; he sounds more subdued than his usual self but is fairly insistent that he is getting better. I flooed to the school on Tuesday and met with Poppy Pomfrey who shared my concerns about his behaviour and was interested to hear about the new adapted calming draughts you had mentioned in your last letter. She mentioned that Oswald Finch was more knowledgeable in that area but he was in a session with a student at the time so I've arranged to go back next week to meet him for a discussion. At this point I haven't let Scorpius know I was at the school but I feel I'll have to bring him into the conversation sooner rather than later - when he was younger things might have been different; now I feel it would be unjust to talk too much behind his back.

I'm glad that Albus felt able to tell you both about the depression; even the fact that he was willing to talk about it should surely be a sign of him making some progress. It appears that Oswald arrived on the scene not a moment too soon and he is certainly making his presence felt in a very positive way.

I'm afraid I have to rush my sign-off as I am meeting with our neighbour Agatha Hayhurst in a few minutes, but I look forward to seeing you tomorrow. I assume I shall meet you at the Prophet offices for around 1pm as I did last time, but let me know if your schedule has changed.

Best,

Draco

* * *

_Friday 16 th April_

Dear Albus,

I'm sending this with a few parcels of homemade fudge from your Grandma Molly - she 'made too much' and is insisting I send some on to you lot at school (although I'm fairly confident she made too much on purpose). Can you give James and Lily theirs next time you see them?

Me and your mum are really glad that you feel able to tell us all this stuff, Al. I imagine it's not very easy sometimes and Merlin knows we haven't always made you feel like you can open up to us. I hope that's changing now and I'm grateful that you've been so patient with us (mostly with me) while we've made a mess of all this parenting stuff.

Your explanation of how you've been feeling makes perfect sense, and I can see the difference even just in how you've been writing and talking to us since you started seeing Oswald. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to keep getting better at this rate though; I know that it took me a long time and quite a lot of ups and downs to get back to 'normal' after I was at my worst.

Of course you can ask me questions about Cedric. What do you want to know?

Love,

Dad

* * *

_Sunday 18 th April_

Al,

Fucking hell mate, that sounds intense. Every time you leave him Scorpius is having full-on panic attacks? You need to get him to Pomfrey or Finch or someone, that's not right. No wonder he looks like crap all the time. No offence to him obviously.

I don't know about writing to his dad, I've barely ever spoken to him so I'm not sure how he'd react. Is Scorpius likely to get pissed off if you do that? You probably don't want to make him any more upset than he already is. But on the other hand if he's not going to tell his dad what's wrong by himself then maybe it might be good to let him know? I really can't say, sorry for being useless.

James

P.S. Yeah of course I wish me and Fran were a thing, have you met her?? She's awesome, we've been mates for ages. I've asked her before but she said she wasn't sure about dating anyone at all sooooo I'm just chilling. By myself.

* * *

_Monday 19 th April_

Dear Scorpius,

I'm glad to hear that all of your projects are handed in now, hopefully that should be a weight off your mind. Have you had any more lessons on your group work assignment? I hope it goes well.

How is piano practice going? I know you only played quite briefly at Easter before you started feeling unwell but I thought it sounded like you'd made a big improvement since the last time I'd heard you.

I was quite busy this week; I visited Vivian Entwistle at the Ministry archives on Thursday to run through a few collections of documents which I've pieced together from your great-grandfather's records. There are quite a few essays on alchemy as well as a collection of old deeds and lease agreements on magical dwellings and shops in London - who knows how he ended up in possession of most of those. Regardless, one of the archivists in Vivian's team is currently looking into the historical movement of properties between muggle and wizarding owners so I was able to assist with her work, which was interesting. 

I also spent some time with Agatha (Mrs Hayhurst) over the weekend; we've rather gotten into the habit of afternoon tea followed by a walk to the orchard and back. She makes excellent cherry scones and when I complimented them, offered to make a batch for me to send on to you at school if you would like. Let me know.

Love,

Dad

* * *

_Wednesday 21 st April_

Dear Mr Malfoy,

I'm sorry to owl you out of the blue. I am writing because I am worried about Scorpius and I think someone ought to tell you what's going on. I don't think he is planning to tell you but I'm hoping he won't be too cross with me for writing this letter.

After Scorpius was ill with those panic attacks over Easter he was still acting strange once we were back at school, and he'd been very quiet before then too. He's had more panic attacks in lessons, bad ones, and I think his nightmares are still bad as well. I wasn't sure what was making him feel so anxious but a little while ago we talked and he got quite upset. He told me that he usually feels worst when he's on his own and he doesn't have me there to help calm him down, and he said that me not being there (if I'm in different lessons or like when I was back at home with my parents) makes him think about when his mum died and he worries that I am going to die too. I hadn't realised that everything was reminding him of her.

I'm really sorry because I think that what I did earlier this year made Scorpius stressed that I was going to stop being friends with him or abandon him somehow. Obviously I regret that a lot and I have apologised to him but I think it's still having an effect. I'm worried that I can't be there for him all of the time because even though I want to, there are times when we have to be apart, and I don't always know what to say when he is really sad about his mum. I wanted to tell you partly in case anything else happens so you can understand the full situation but also because I hope that maybe if you are able to say something to him, he might go to see Madam Pomfrey. I've suggested it to him but I don't think he will listen to me.

I hope it wasn't rude of me to write to you like this and I really am sorry for all the trouble I've caused.

Yours sincerely,

Albus Potter

* * *

_Thursday 22 nd April_

Dear Draco,

Thanks again for lunch last week and sorry for the radio silence on my part since then. I'm sure you've heard all this drama about the Swedish national quidditch team supposedly fixing matches in the World Cup - it's sent the offices into an absolute meltdown and we've been getting non-stop owls from players, managers, fans, investors; basically anyone and everyone wanting to leak more stories or try and wrangle information from us. Madness!

How are things with you? Has there been any change or update from Scorpius? It sounded like you were really very worried about him when I saw you, no matter how much of a brave face you try to put on. 

Best,

Ginny

* * *

_Friday 23 rd April_

Dear Dad,

Cheers for the fudge, I gave James and Lil theirs a couple of days ago and they said to say thank you to Grandma too.

I've had a bit of weird week. Things with Oswald have been good and we talked a lot about confidence and fear in our session on Tuesday. He's so easy to talk to, I always feel dead calm when I've had a chat with him and some of the stuff he was saying (about how depression makes being afraid and doubting yourself feel very logical when actually it doesn't make any sense) is really helping me kind of separate the depression-y thoughts from my own real thoughts. I know I'll probably still get down days for a long time but I'm just relieved I don't feel like that all the time. 

Scorpius is still feeling pretty rough though and his panic attacks aren't getting much better. I'm hoping things will get sorted for him soon but it's difficult to watch him being so upset and knowing there's not much I can do to help. So overall some good stuff and some less good stuff happening at the moment. 

I wanted to ask about Cedric because although we talked about him a bit when you came to visit I think there's still quite a lot I don't know. What was he like, what did you think about him before he was killed? And what happened after he died? Did the school have a memorial for him?

Like I said before, if you don't want to talk about it that's fine. 

Love,

Al

X

* * *

_Saturday 24 th April_

Dear Dad, 

We've had a few more lessons on our History of Magic group work assignments and Marion is actually really nice. Her parents are both muggles and she knows loads about muggle culture so she's offered to help me with my Muggle Studies revision for exams in a few weeks and I'm going to help her with Potions because it's her least favourite subject.

Piano is going alright, Albus and I have been back to the Room of Requirement a couple of times but not loads. I don't feel like I'm getting better very fast and it's frustrating when I keep getting things wrong. Albus says I'm quite good but I think he's just saying that to be nice.

I'm glad your archive visit was interesting and it's really nice that you've been having tea with Mrs Hayhurst. Her cherry scones sound delicious but please don't make her feel like she has to make any for me, I'm sure that would be an inconvenience.

I had more panic attacks this week I'm afraid - one in the night on Wednesday when I'd had a nightmare about the dark world and Albus not being alive, and one when I was by myself in the library yesterday. I'm alright though and I promise I'll try harder to not have them anymore. 

Love,

Scorpius

* * *

_Sunday 25 th April_

James,

Scorp's still not doing great. He had a meltdown when he was in the library on his own the other day and Madam Pince ended up sending some first-year to come find me in the common room (I'd come back early because I needed a break from homework). He keeps trying to insist he's fine but every time I leave him I feel like I'm taking a chance on whether he'll be alright or he'll end up a crying shaking mess again. I can't cope seeing him in that state much more, it's so fucking horrible.

I've written to Scorpius's dad now though, told him sort of a shorter version of what I told you, how he can't cope with being by himself and keeps thinking that I'm going to die like his mum did. Haven't had a reply yet but it's only been a few days so we'll see. Fingers crossed he's not mad and he'll be able to talk some sense into Scorpius and get him to go see Madam Pomfrey.

Sorry for going on about it. I do appreciate how much you seem to care about all this.

Al

P.S. Fran does seem pretty cool, sorry she turned you down. Bit funny that _James Potter_ has a crush on a girl who doesn't like him back though, isn't it? Makes a change!

* * *

_Monday 26 th April_

Dear Albus,

Thank you for the update about your sessions with Oswald. It's very interesting to hear the kinds of things you talk about, and very encouraging that he seems to be helping so much.

I'm afraid I don't have a lot of time to write a long letter because I've got to sit in on a trial this afternoon and I haven't finished my paperwork yet, but I wanted to try and answer your questions about Cedric.

Like I said before, I didn't know Cedric very well at all. He was a couple of years older than me, and in Hufflepuff. To me he always seemed very easy-going, very popular. People talked about him all the time - he was excellent at quidditch and the teachers thought he was great too. I suppose I resented him a little in a jealous fourteen-year-old kind of way; everything looked so easy for him. But he was kind to me. I'm not sure what he thought about me being picked as a Triwizard champion but if he was offended or annoyed, he didn't show it. He struggled with his dad I think - Amos was (and still is) very forceful in his opinions and put a lot of pressure on Cedric to be successful and popular. I think Cedric was embarrassed by that.

After he was killed, the leaving feast was turned into a memorial service for him. Dumbledore gave a speech while the whole school was there so everyone could pay their respects. It was a very sad day, and made worse for many of us by the knowledge that the Ministry wasn't acknowledging Cedric's murder. They wanted us to believe he died in an accident, that Voldemort couldn't return. I always felt sorry that his send-off had that shadow cast over it. He deserved a celebration really, a commemoration of everything he had achieved and the mark he'd made on people's lives.

I hope that's answered some of what you wanted to know. It's strange to talk about him again - but good. I'm happy to tell you more if you have other questions. Perhaps your mum and I could visit again in a few weeks if you'd like? We do miss you when you're not here, Al.

Love,

Dad

* * *

_Tuesday 27 th April_

Dear Ginny,

I hope that your Swedish quidditch scandal has quietened down and given you a more peaceful week.

I was over at Hogwarts again last Wednesday to speak to Oswald Finch as I'd mentioned before. We had a fairly lengthy discussion about calming draughts and their benefits and drawbacks in treating conditions such as anxiety. He couldn't share any specifics because of their confidentiality rules but I got the impression that he already knew quite a bit about Scorpius - presumably what he's heard from Albus during their sessions.

After what seemed a productive conversation I was planning to contact Scorpius and inform him, but I then arrived home to a letter from none other than Albus. He wrote that they had spoken about the panic attacks recently and Scorpius had confessed that his anxiety is largely stemming from a fear of being left alone, without Albus - his attacks are happening more and more frequently whenever they are separated. Scorpius apparently panics that Albus is going to die, like Astoria did, and leave him on his own.

I don't know what to do. It's been days and I have not replied to Albus or to Scorpius. I think almost constantly of Astoria and what she would do in this situation; I know that she would have acted with her usual compassion and grace and I feel hollow that she isn't here to guide me. All this time Scorpius's anxiety has been a result of dwelling on her absence and he never once felt able to tell me. Have I been such a distant father? Do I know so little about my own son?

I'm not even sure I should have gone to Poppy and Oswald, although Albus seems to be asking me to step in. How can I begin to approach the subject now that I know he's been keeping this from me?

Apologies for the probable incoherence of this letter. It's been a difficult few days.

Draco

* * *

_Wednesday 28 th April_

Al,

I'm sorry little bro, sounds like you're in a pretty tough place. You really care about Scorpius a lot don't you? It sucks that he's hurting.

Sounds like you've done the right thing and I bet his dad will be able to sort things out soon enough. Do you want to come over to Gryffindor common room for a bit tonight or something, take your mind off things? Can bring Scorp with you obviously if you like. We've got a bit of a chess championship going on Wednesday nights between the second, fourth, fifth and sixth years and I could probably use you and Scorpius for extra brain power.

James

P.S. Yeah ha ha, very funny, Fran broke my heart. I don't know, I've had crushes before and even on Fran for a while too a couple of years ago but this feels different somehow. 

* * *

_Thursday 29 th April_

Dear Draco,

I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way but you mustn't start to blame yourself for what Scorpius is going through or for him not telling you. Remember what you told me back in February when I was feeling insecure about Albus not speaking to me and Harry - they are both at such a difficult age and they may need space to navigate these things by themselves. There's every chance that Scorpius was trying to avoid causing you any pain by speaking about Astoria, or he wasn't ready to tell anyone and Albus just happened to be there when he couldn't hide it anymore. I'm quite confident that you aren't distant to him now, regardless of what's happened in the past.

At the very least, isn't it a good thing that now we understand what's been causing these attacks to get worse? I think it would probably benefit you as well as Scorpius to have an open conversation about all this so that you can eliminate any worries about keeping things from each other. Are you planning to visit the school again soon?

Best,

Ginny

* * *

_Friday 30 th April_

Dear Scorpius and Albus,

I will be visiting Hogwarts tomorrow and would like to speak with you both - I trust that since it will be a Saturday you will both be available. Please meet me in the Entrance Hall at around 11am. 

Regards,

Draco Malfoy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who's reading! I had some wonderful responses to Chapter Six and I'm incredibly grateful 💕
> 
> I promise that from here on out, things will start to get a little lighter... although I can't believe there's only three chapters left! Feel free to leave me your thoughts in the comments (I love reading them all) or come find me on Twitter/Tumblr @trolleybitch!
> 
> Next chapter on Wednesday 💜


	8. May

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scorpius is finally getting the help he needs, Albus is working on a secret project, and James opens up about his feelings.

_Saturday 1 st May_

James,

Shit. Scorpius's dad is coming here this morning and wants to talk to us both. I think I've done something bad.

Al

Al,

Crap!!! Tell me what happens as soon as you can!

James

* * *

_Sunday 2 nd May_

James,

Okay sorry I didn't reply yesterday, I'm not dead! It was actually fine. Draco had owled on Friday to say he was visiting and his letter was super short so I thought he was angry, but in the end he was pretty alright about everything.

As soon as we got the letter I told Scorpius that I'd written to his dad before - I didn't want Draco to be the one that told him I'd gone behind his back. We went over to the Room of Requirement again so we could talk somewhere quiet and he was kind of cross to begin with that I'd sent the letter, although after a bit it seemed like he was sort of glad that at least he didn't have to tell his dad everything now. He got quite upset talking about his mum but then he said that he was really tired of feeling so stressed all the time and felt bad for having so many panic attacks that I have to help him with. I was trying to keep him calm but I was pretty worried about what Draco was going to say, I thought he might be annoyed I'd gone behind Scorpius's back too and been a bad friend. 

Anyway he turned up yesterday morning and he'd gotten permission from McGonagall to take us into Hogsmeade so we went and got butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks which was a bit weird and awkward. He asked how Scorpius was and started talking really vaguely, and then I told him that Scorpius knew I'd written to him, and he seemed relieved once he knew that. I think he had been planning to keep it secret otherwise which is quite good of him, to not drop me in it.

Then all three of us talked for a while about these past few weeks and Scorpius was really quiet until Draco asked him a few questions directly about his mum and then he started to cry but he also started to talk more. I think he was relieved too that he didn't have to keep hiding all this stuff. He talked more than he has done for ages, and he said that all he wants to do is to be able to think about his mum or to be on his own and not end up panicking. I think he said something like, it feels as though his brain skips three steps of logic between thinking about a memory and then panicking about it, but he doesn't know why and how to stop himself from thinking that way.

Draco said that he'd been to see Madam Pomfrey and Nurse Finch and talked to them about Scorpius, and they think they would be able to help, so I said I thought that was a really good idea and eventually we managed to get Scorpius to agree - he thought he would be wasting their time which is funny really because it's how I felt about going to see Oswald initially, and look how wrong I was. 

We ended up having lunch at the Three Broomsticks too because we were there for hours, and then we came back up to school and Scorpius and his dad went to the hospital wing to set up a proper time for him to go and speak to Madam Pomfrey and Oswald. Draco left at about 4pm I think and then we just went back to the Room of Requirement for the evening and played exploding snap.

I think it was really good. I was surprised by how talkative they both were, and I didn't feel as though I shouldn't be there which I sometimes used to with his dad, like I was spoiling their time together. I'm pretty glad I wrote that letter now.

Al

* * *

_Monday 3 rd May_

Al,

Amazing mate, I proper thought you'd be banned from seeing Scorpius for life or something, the way you sounded in that letter saying Draco was coming over. Needn't have worried though right? Sounds like it was exactly what Scorpius needed, a push in the right direction to go see someone. I can't tell you how relieved I was when you finally realised that in March and went to see Oswald, I'd been worried about you for ages. 

Keep me updated with how he gets on, yeah?

James

* * *

_Tuesday 4 th May_

Dear Ginny,

Apologies for dropping in on you with no notice today, but thank you again for lunch.

I believe I filled you in on almost everything I had to share about Scorpius from my visit to the school on Saturday, aside from that he should be seeing Oswald Finch and Poppy Pomfrey today if he sticks to the appointment we made at the weekend. 

I've been thinking about everything in more depth this afternoon and now I think back, I feel perhaps I should have foreseen this. All this back and forth between Scorpius and I - him wanting to talk more about Astoria, then pulling back again - seems like it may have been a signal that he still wasn't coping very well with her loss. 

Now that it's out in the open I am determined that we won't waste any more time trying to avoid speaking about her or feeling grief. I think Scorpius needs to release those feelings and I am realising that perhaps I am the only person with whom he can share them.

If you don't mind me asking; how did you approach conversations about Fred with your family? Did it come naturally to you all to talk about him?

Best,

Draco

* * *

_Wednesday 5 th May_

Dear Dad,

I wanted to let you know that I went to my appointment with Madam Pomfrey and Nurse Finch yesterday like we'd agreed and I think it went okay. Albus came with me and waited outside and I talked to them for a while and they were really nice and asked me some questions about how and when the panic attacks happen. 

Nurse Finch said that he has helped people in similar situations before and that it is usually a case of some specific event triggering more anxiety than the person normally has, and then they find it difficult to deal with lots of other things without getting panicked too. So for me, everything that happened at the beginning of the school year set off anxiety for me and then that gets triggered whenever I get stressed, and makes me think about mum. He said that sometimes for wizards (rather than muggles), magic can make it worse too because it sort of amplifies the anxious energy in your mind and makes nightmares and stressful thoughts worse. If that is what's happening, it seems to make sense. 

He talked about the calming potions too. He has prescribed them to a few different people and apparently they have worked quite well at gradually reducing their anxiety to level where it's not set off all the time by little things. That sounds quite good to me so I'm going to think about it for a few days and then go back to see him again and decide what to do.

Lessons have been fine, I missed out on a quiz in Muggle Studies because of the appointment but Marion brought me a copy of the test so I can do it this evening. Albus has agreed to read the questions and time me so I can get an accurate score. He's been really good this week and I think he's been feeling a lot better - he's sleeping about six or seven hours most nights now and sometimes even more.

I miss you Dad, but thank you for being there for me.

Love,

Scorpius

* * *

_Friday 7 th May_

Dear Dad,

Thank you for telling me those things about Cedric, sorry I haven't written back for a little while. I've been thinking a lot about you saying that Cedric should have had a celebration rather than a really sad memorial service, because I think the same about Craig sometimes too. The teachers organised a remembrance thing for Craig a few weeks after he died and that was for the whole school too but it was quite short and very quiet and sad.

I never got to know him very well and we didn't have classes together because of him being in the year above me but he always seemed quite positive, and lots of people really liked him. He was really into Care of Magical Creatures and he used to go down and help Hagrid on the weekends and then sometimes bring animals back up to the Slytherin dungeons for a few hours - one time he brought in a jarvey (those talking ferret things) and almost the whole house ended up in the common room trying to teach it songs and words.

Anyway, he seemed cool but nobody ever talks about that really, they only mentioned how he died if they talk about him at all. I'd quite like to do something as a tribute to him, maybe to try and get people to remember all the good things about him.

Did you ever talk to Cedric's family about him after he died?

Love,

Al

X

* * *

_Saturday 8 th May_

Scorpius,

Thank you for keeping me up to date; I'm very proud of you for speaking to Nurse Finch.

I've been doing some more research on the calming draughts for anxiety and although they are a relatively new treatment, it certainly looks as though they can be very effective. What you said last Saturday about feeling as though these attacks have become more frequent and are happening in response to all sorts of different stressful situations - that sounds exactly the sort of thing that these potions are designed to treat. The decision remains in your hands of course; I wouldn't want you to go ahead with this if you aren't entirely comfortable with taking the potions.

Have you had more panic attacks this week? If you need me to come over to the school at any time please owl me and I can floo there quite easily.

Love,

Dad

* * *

_Sunday 9 th May_

James,

Congratulations! Quidditch champions!!!!!

I know I said congrats last night briefly but I'm guessing from the state you were already in, there's a fair chance you won't remember. I'm genuinely really impressed though, as annoyed as I am about Gryffindor winning the cup instead of Slytherin, you played really well. Hoping your head isn't too sore this morning though!

Scorpius is doing alright, he's still been kind of shaky this week but I managed to get him to his appointment with Pomfrey/Oswald without too much protesting on Tuesday and they've offered to put him on these low-level calming draughts which have been developed for panic attacks and anxiety. He's still thinking about it but I'm hoping he's going to go for it because it sounds like it could make a real difference.

Al

P.S. What did you mean that you'd been worried about me for ages before I went to see Oswald?

* * *

_Tuesday 11 th May_

Dear Draco,

I bumped into Vivian at the Ministry today (had to go over there to give evidence on some of these Swedish world cup fixing cases - it's still dragging on!) and she was full of praise for you! She said you've really made a difference to their department and provided 'invaluable contributions' to some of their research projects. I'd no idea you were over there so regularly; sounds like they should be giving you a permanent post! Vivian also mentioned she and her wife were planning a bank holiday barbecue at the end of the month and told me to pass on the invite to you if I was in touch before she saw you next. 

Have you heard any more from Scorpius? Fingers crossed he is doing a little better since your visit. I think talking about Astoria can only help you both. With Fred, it was very difficult to talk about him at first. I wanted to, desperately, but as soon as I started a conversation (whether that was with Harry, my brothers, parents, whoever) I couldn't face it anymore. I persevered though and eventually it got easier.

I remember one day around Christmas I think, the first Christmas without him, where I was at home with my mum and some little thing reminded us of Fred and we ended up sitting and talking for hours and hours. She lost both of her brothers in the First Wizarding War, so it wasn't uncharted territory for her. But that was a turning point; once we'd laid it all bare like that, we could start to talk about him more casually. You said you talked quite extensively with Scorpius at Christmas when you had the day to yourselves - perhaps you can try and revisit that day, go back to those conversations?

Best,

Ginny

* * *

_Wednesday 12 th May_

Dear Albus, 

I think it would be a very kind thing to do if you wanted to organise some kind of tribute to Craig. It sounds like he was very well-liked and well-respected. If he was into his magical creatures then I'm sure Hagrid would be happy to help you out too; he always had a soft spot for anyone who showed particular interest in his classes. (Side-note: remind me to tell you the story of how your Uncle Ron once got bitten on the nose by a jarvey!)

I didn't talk very much to Cedric's family after he was killed. His mum thanked me for bringing his body back to the school but apart from that, they didn't seem very keen to speak to me; and his dad had always been a bit difficult when I'd met him before. He didn't have any siblings. I think it's a very personal thing, loss - some people might want to talk about their loved ones a lot, others not at all. It's important to be sensitive to that if you were planning to talk to Craig's family or friends.

I'm likely to be up at the school the weekend after next to visit Neville for the day, so I could drop in on you for an hour or two if you like? If you fancy a change from Hogwarts dinners I could take you (and Scorpius if he wanted to come) into Hogsmeade for tea. It's not compulsory though, if you have other plans.

Love,

Dad

* * *

_Friday 14 th May_

Dear Dad,

I went back to see Nurse Finch today and told him that I wanted to try the calming draughts for a bit and see if they make a difference. I've been thinking about it all week and I've talked to Albus a lot, going through all the pros and cons and figuring out what to do. I've had a few more panic attacks in the meantime and to be honest I'm just really tired of always waiting for the next one to happen and feeling like I'm stressing Al out too.

Oswald said that he's going to recommend just one potion a day which is the lowest dose they usually put people on, and then I'm going to go back and see him once a week to let him know how I'm getting on. He said not to expect any dramatic change right away but I think I'll be happy if I can just go back to only having panic attacks when I've had nightmares because that was better than having them randomly during the day like I do now, whenever I'm on my own.

He gave me a set of vials with enough potion for seven days and I'm supposed to take them just before bed every night so I'll try the first one this evening. Apparently there aren't any dangerous side effects or anything, so hopefully it should all be fine.

Albus and I don't have much homework to do this weekend, but Marion from History of Magic asked if I wanted to go to the book club she has on Saturday mornings in the library and said I could bring Al too so we're going to try that and then probably just hang out in the Room of Requirement. I feel like I want to do some proper piano practice and Albus still has this art project thing he is working on so he can do some of that too.

Gryffindor won the quidditch cup so Al's brother is very happy. Albus is pretending to be annoyed but I think he's secretly quite proud of James.

How is everything at home?

Love,

Scorpius

* * *

_Saturday 15 th May_

Al,

Sorry it's taken me a full week to write back, we had a few more quidditch parties this week and therefore a few more headache-y mornings, ha! Still can't get over that last goal against Stevens though, four seconds before the snitch! Four seconds!! Plus you know how Fran is well into her quidditch? I have a hunch she was pretty impressed with my playing too...

Anyway how's Scorpius, has he been back to Ozzy yet?

James

P.S. Of course I was worried about you before you started seeing Oswald! It'd been months since you'd really spoken to me and you looked so damn miserable all the time. And when you ran off like that to the forest I was bloody terrified, it was like October all over again. I do care about you, you idiot.

* * *

_Monday 17 th May_

Dear Ginny,

It's good to hear that Vivian has been finding my assistance beneficial at the archives. I am usually over there two or three days a week; sometimes to bring in items from the Manor to be donated or catalogued (although thankfully there aren't too many rooms remaining to be sorted through now), sometimes to lend a hand with their research projects. It's been a good way to occupy my time, and nice to get away from the house now and again. I'm not sure they have enough budget to stretch to an actual offer of employment but I am quite happy to be there on a voluntary basis.

Scorpius informed me a couple of days ago that he is planning to give the calming draughts a try and will be seeing Oswald Finch on a weekly basis to monitor his progress. I'm not entirely sure what to expect but I'm very hopeful that this will help him.

Thank you for what you wrote about your experience after losing Fred. I think you are right that my talk with Scorpius at Christmas might be the key - I had almost forgotten that freezing, windswept day on the coast given everything that has happened between then and now. I may try to raise the subject with him soon (providing the calming draughts don't cause any side effects) and make sure he knows that I am willing to discuss Astoria whenever he needs.

Are you free tomorrow? I'm available for lunch if you are.

Best,

Draco

* * *

_Tuesday 18 th May_

Dear Dad,

Thanks for the advice about Craig. I asked Professor Hagrid about him after our lesson yesterday and he talked for a while about how Craig used to go down and help him feed and take care of all the animals. He also said that Craig's sister Sadie quite often goes down to see him now too so I think I might try and speak to her soon. She's in Slytherin but in Lily's year.

I understand what you mean about being careful talking to Craig's family though. Mrs Bowker seemed really upset when I saw her in the common room that time (and obviously I didn't feel great about that either) so I don't want to make anyone else feel like that. I just think it would be good to try and know more about him.

I talked to Scorpius and we'd both quite like it if you are coming to visit and if you still want to go for tea in Hogsmeade at the weekend. We had a good couple of days and he didn't have any panic attacks at all this last weekend. He's getting really good at piano too since he's been practising so much and I think having something to focus on like that is helping him feel a bit better.

See you at the weekend.

Love,

Albus

X

* * *

_Wednesday 19 th May_

Dear Scorpius,

How have your first few days with the calming draughts been? I know Oswald said that you shouldn't expect to see much of a difference right away but I hope you haven't been feeling any worse. Your book club with Marion sounds interesting; which book(s) were you discussing?

Of course I share in Albus's disappointment that the Quidditch cup went to Gryffindor, but I'm sure he is indeed very proud of his brother. From what I've heard James is quite a skilled player.

Everything here at home is quite ordinary. I have been steadily making my way through the artefacts and books belonging to your great-grandfather and there are just a few rooms left in the west wing which remain completely untouched. I think I told you about the research project at the Ministry archives on muggle and magical property ownership history - I have been down there helping out Vivian's team again this week (I promise it's a more interesting subject than it sounds!)

I also had something of a day out with Agatha on Sunday. She mentioned that one of her old colleagues from her botany days had told her about a farmers' market held fortnightly in a village about twenty miles away, which is also home to one of those muggle garden centres. We went over there and really had quite a nice time; she bought several new houseplants and told me a lot about her career and her travels. I dare say that when you are home for summer we may make another day trip there if you would like to come along.

Love,

Dad

* * *

_Friday 21 st May_

Yes I remember you telling me in great detail about the last goal against Stevens on the afternoon of the match, and then again about an hour later, and again about thirty minutes after that. At this rate I'll still be hearing about it when we're in an old people's home somewhere, won't I? How do you have a hunch that Fran was impressed?

Scorpius has been back to Oswald today (I'm not calling him Ozzy, come on), it's been a week since he started taking the calming draughts and he seems alright so far. He had a couple of panic attacks earlier this week, once when he was in the library by himself, and once overnight because he had nightmares again. Plus he said he was feeling weirdly dizzy a few times when we were walking to and from lessons, which might be a side effect I guess? Apart from those he's been a bit chattier and less on edge. We haven't talked about how he's feeling too much though so I might try and ask him soon. Dad is coming over tomorrow and we're going to meet up with him for tea.

Al

P.S. I guess I never really thought about you being that worried about me, I'm sorry. Was it really that bad in October?

* * *

_Saturday 22 nd May_

Al,

Alright, alright, but I'm allowed to brag a little bit, it was a VERY impressive goal. Besides what if that's the peak of my quidditch career? If that's the best goal I ever score and I spend the rest of my life reminiscing about the glory days of my Hogwarts quidditch cup victory then you'll be sorry you were mean to me for celebrating. As for Fran, let's just say that what she said earlier this year about not wanting to date anyone... maybe doesn't apply to champion quidditch players!

Glad to hear Scorpius is potentially on the mend, it's about time to be honest. Hope you said hi to dad for me - I would be offended that he didn't invite me for a meal out too but I have been stuck in the library doing revision most of the day and Lily has taken on the role of my 'revision coordinator' so she wouldn't have let me out for breaks anyway.

And right, about October - Al, of course it was 'that bad'. I suppose you didn't really see it because you weren't there, but you know, we thought you were dead. We had no idea where you were and there was nothing we could do. It wasn't a fun time, mate.

James

* * *

_Sunday 23 rd May_

Dear Dad,

I've had quite a nice weekend, I hope you have too!

Albus's dad was visiting the school yesterday and he invited me along with Al to go for tea in Hogsmeade. It was quite good, Albus seemed much more relaxed around his dad than the last time I saw them together; I think they've been writing quite a bit over the past few weeks.

The calming draughts seem to be going alright. A few times this week I've had a strange disorientated feeling, like when you stand up too quickly and you get all dizzy; I think it might be because of the potions and I told Oswald when I went back to see him on Friday. I said that I wasn't really noticing much difference apart from the dizziness but he said that was normal. I had a couple of panic attacks last week but they weren't really bad ones. I guess I'll just need to stick with it for a bit longer and see what happens. 

That sounds like you've made lots of progress with the cataloguing stuff around the house - will it look really different next time I'm home? And I'm glad that you had a nice day out with Mrs Hayhurst. After you said she was a botanist I looked her up in our herbology textbooks and she's listed as discovering so many species! I can't believe we lived nearby for so long and didn't realise!

Love,

Scorpius

* * *

_Tuesday 25 th May_

James,

Okay fine, you can brag as much as you like about quidditch, just don't expect me to always be listening! Hang on, does this mean you are Fran ARE a thing now?? Did this happen at the victory party?

Sorry about the Lily revision thing. But hey, if she's doing that to you then it means she's less likely to try and 'coordinate' me too, so thanks for that.

Alright, I'll admit I never really spent much time thinking about October that way. Were you here at school or did you go back home? I'm really sorry I worried you all so much. I just... wasn't thinking. 

Al

* * *

_Wednesday 26 th May_

Dear Albus,

It was good to see you and Scorpius on Saturday. He seemed to be looking a little better than the last time I saw him, so I hope the potions are starting to have an effect. 

I looked up those photos you were talking about from the holiday to Cornwall. It turns out it was in 2015, so you would have been nine years old. I found some good pictures of the five of us all together (I suppose we must have asked a muggle to take them) and it was when Lily was going through her phase of only wearing outfits where every piece of clothing was the same colour, do you remember that? Anyway, I found a few from the art gallery, although I'm not sure any of them show the big wall painting you mentioned at the weekend. I've sent them on with this owl but feel free to send them back if they're no use. What did you want to see them for again?

Has James shut up about the quidditch yet? Obviously your mum and I are very proud of him but I imagine we're only getting a very reduced version of the game recaps through his letters, compared to the detailed accounts he's probably giving you and Lily. Feel free to tell him that mum once managed a winning goal within the last half second of a game - so he's got room to improve yet.

Love,

Dad

* * *

_Thursday 27 th May_

Al,

Right I don't know if me and Fran are _officially_ together but there have been some... activities. Which we did together. Some of them might have taken place at the party. Anyway I think it's a good sign. I'm going to try and talk to her over the next couple of days and see where her head's at, but I'm a bit scared about it to be honest.

And okay look, I don't want to get all down on you or anything, but I still don't know if you really get it - that week in October was horrible, Al. I was at school when they found out you were missing and then me and Lily went home after a couple of days when they still hadn't been able to find you, and they knew you were with _her_. I've never told anyone this, but I remember getting home and going up and sitting in your room for a bit by myself and just having this awful moment of realisation that you might never be coming back. I can't even describe it really, how that felt. I would have given anything to have it be me that was dead and not you.

Anyway I'm not saying all that to make you feel guilty or anything, just to try and make you understand. I love you Al, I'd be an absolute mess if anything happened to you. Please stop thinking that we don't care about you.

James

* * *

_Friday 28 th May_

Dear Scorpius, 

I'm glad to hear that you had a nice tea with Albus and his father, and that the two of them seem to be getting along better than they used to. I did feel for Albus last year when it became so clear that his relationship with Harry was strained.

I am sorry to hear about the side effects, are you still feeling disorientated or off-balance? You should take time out of lessons if you feel unwell. And did you let Oswald know that you had had those panic attacks? I hope I wasn't the only person you told. Has he given you a timeframe for when you can expect the calming draughts to have an effect?

I made a start on the hidden room behind the staircase in the west wing of the Manor today; getting in there and cleaning a lot of the dust and cobwebs off things before I begin removing and sorting through items next week. It made me think of that summer when you were maybe six or seven, when you wanted to play hide and seek every day. Your mum would always volunteer to be the seeker and would come and find me first so we could look for you together, except the once when I hid in that secret room. I think she'd forgotten it was there, and she spent ages wandering around before she gave in and found you first (you were behind one of the sofas in the parlour, but you always giggled so much you were very easy to track down). Then you were both looking for me and ended up just by the staircase when you were about to give up, and I jumped out from the hidden door to scare you. Your mum jumped so much that she almost fell over, and you started laughing so hard you nearly cried, which made us laugh too. I can still remember my sides hurting from how much we laughed that afternoon. 

Anyway, I was just reminded of that today. I hope you don't mind me mentioning it.

Keep me updated with any news about the calming draughts.

Love,

Dad

* * *

_Saturday 29 th May_

James,

Okay wow. I'm really sorry. Like really honestly I am. I had never realised it had that much of an effect when I was missing. Mum and Dad had said stuff about being afraid and being stressed but I suppose I figured that you had all just sort of, kept going with things like normal.

I did think about you, you know. When I was there in Godric's Hollow. I was with Scorpius obviously, and he was a massive help, but it was still pretty rubbish. I thought we would probably be stuck there forever and never get back to the right time, and I thought that Delphi would probably find us and kill us. This is going to sound really bad and I don't feel like this anymore, I really don't - but I sort of didn't mind that I was going to die. I didn't think it mattered very much. But I did mind that I wouldn't be able to see any of you again, you and Lil and mum and dad. I spent so much time before then being mad at you all for no real reason and then in the end when I was stuck there in the freezing cold, I just felt so terrible that I'd wasted time being that way and making it so that that would end up being how you remembered me. I guess I thought you might miss me a bit but you'd mostly be annoyed at how I'd acted.

I've talked to Oswald about some of this stuff though and I think I'm in a better place than I was back then. I care more about stuff, and about sticking around to be there for Scorpius and you and Lil and everyone. I don't know if I realised how much you cared though, not that that's your fault, I've just been dense. But thank you for telling me. I won't forget again.

Love,

Al

P.S. 'There have been some... activities'? I'm not even going to ask what that means because I'm 100% sure it'd be too much information. I'm happy for you though, seems like you really like Fran. Have you managed to talk to her yet?

* * *

_Monday 31 st May_

Dear Dad,

I went to the library by myself yesterday and did revision for almost four hours without having a panic attack at all! I think that's the longest time I've been on my own since April without having one. I started to feel a bit shaky at one point because I read a bit about gillyweed and that made me think about being in the lake back in autumn, but I stopped and started reading a different book and focused on my breathing and I was alright. Albus was really pleased when I got back to the common room too, he's been so patient this whole time but I think it was making him quite stressed that I was having attacks whenever I was by myself. I saw Oswald again on Friday and updated him and he said that it was still early days but it seemed as though there might be some initial improvement from the calming draughts. Plus I think that weird dizziness side effect seems to be wearing off too.

I don't mind you writing about mum, it was nice to read actually. I'd forgotten about that summer but I remembered once I read the letter. Didn't I get lost in the garden one time when you thought I was hiding in the house but I'd wandered outside instead? I remember that and the time where you jumped out of the cupboard like you said. Mum once told me that you two used to have competitions to see which of you could scare the other like that the most when you first starting living in the Manor and I always thought it sounded funny.

Can you believe there's only four weeks of term left? I'm trying to revise for two subjects per day and do four hours of each, and then Albus and I are testing each other on practice exam questions every other evening too. Plus I've been meeting up with Marion twice a week to go through Muggle Studies and Potions exam essays and swapping them to mark each other's. All of our exams are during the week beginning Monday 14th so we still have a couple of weeks to get everything revised before then, hopefully. Al is spending quite a lot of time off by himself though. I think it's this project he was working on in the Room of Requirement but I don't know what it is, and we've not been back there for a while now. He seems to be doing okay with his sleep still but I'm a bit worried that something strange is going on. Plus I ran into his brother at lunch yesterday and he said he'd seen Albus with a second-year girl and asked if I knew who she was or what they were doing. I had no idea obviously. Hopefully he'll tell me soon.

Love,

Scorpius

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only two chapters to go! I can't believe how fast this is going. What do you think Albus's secret project might be? 👀
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who's been reading and commenting so far, I never expected so much enthusiasm and support and it means the world, it really does! Let me know your thoughts in the comments or find/yell at me on Twitter/Tumblr @trolleybitch 💜
> 
> Next chapter on Sunday!


	9. June

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's nearly the end of term and exam revision is driving everyone a little bit mad. Albus finally gets to reveal the project he's been working on, but has he left it too late to tell Scorpius?

_Tuesday 1 st June_

Dear Ginny,

It was good to see you and Harry yesterday; I must admit I had slight reservations about attending given that I didn't know very many of the guests and I'm not overly familiar with muggle-style barbecue events, but I thought that Vivian and Eloise made excellent hosts and the whole afternoon was a very pleasant way to spend the bank holiday. I hope Harry and Ron weren't suffering too much this morning as a result of all that Pimm's.

I had a letter from Scorpius when I got back to the Manor yesterday, and he has said he's finally seeing some results from the calming draughts - being able to spend more time alone without panic attacks. He is still seeing Oswald Finch on a weekly basis and will continue to do so presumably until the end of their school term, although I am unsure of how things will proceed after that point. He is very much focused on his exam revision now so I am hesitant to divert conversation into potentially more stressful territory for him. 

I took your advice and raised the subject of Astoria with him in our recent letters, just a few memories from when he was a child, and he seemed receptive. I am treading carefully because I'm unsure of what might trigger anxiety or stress for him, but so far it seems as though you were entirely right, and talking more frequently and informally about her may be helpful for us both. 

Hope that your first day back at the Prophet after the bank holiday weekend wasn't too fraught - let me know how you're getting on with those Australian quidditch ambassadors.

Best,

Draco

* * *

_Wednesday 2 nd June_

Al,

You don't need to apologise, it's alright. I get that you weren't exactly in a good place earlier this year and I wasn't expecting you to be thinking about what was going on with me or Lily when you had so much else to deal with, with Delphi and then Scorpius being so stressed out too, and things between you and dad. I'm just happy that all your sessions with Oswald have made such a difference and you seem so much more chilled than you were before. As long as you understand that we missed you a _lot_ back then and were doing literally everything we could to get you back - we love you.

Also, have you talked to Lily about all this? I feel kind of bad that you're writing to me about everything and not her. 

Okay about Fran; you can't tell _anyone_ this okay, because I swore I would be cool about it. We talked a bit over the weekend and she said she's a bit nervous about the idea of being like, boyfriend and girlfriend (I think her parents had a really messy separation so she's a bit wary of a kind of 'official' label), BUT she said she likes me and that maybe we could 'unofficially' be a couple for a while before we have to say anything to anyone else. Obviously I said yes. More 'activities' ensued, ha!

James

* * *

_Thursday 3 rd June_

Dear Mum and Dad, 

Thanks for the books, they'll be dead useful for revision (even if they are a bit out of date since it's been about fifty years since you two were young enough to be at school, right?)

Scorpius has a really detailed revision plan and is getting me to help out with practice exam questions too, he insists on being timed and going through and marking all his answers really harshly, although he seems to weirdly enjoy the whole process. He's not had a panic attack for almost two weeks now which is a huge deal for him.

I was thinking that maybe I could have a floo call with you this weekend? It's really up to you but if you are willing then I would quite like about Cedric and maybe about Uncle Fred too if that's not too difficult for you, mum. I'm meeting up with a few people on Saturday and revising with Scorpius but I've got time on Sunday. The Room of Requirement has a fireplace which looks like it should work. 

Love,

Albus

X

* * *

_Friday 4 th June_

Dear Scorpius, 

I'm very glad to hear that your panic attacks seem to be subsiding a little. Do keep me informed with any other progress whenever you can. I know it's been four years but I must admit I still find it quite strange having you all that distance away at Hogwarts and only hearing from you every few days. Now that it's getting closer to summer I'm (selfishly) quite looking forward to having you home. 

Your mother was right about our little competition when we first moved into the Manor together - months and months, that went on for. You know how stubborn she could be. I'm sure I've told you before, but we lived in our little flat in London for a few years and then moved back in with your grandparents when they started getting frail, but one thing we always used to comment on back then was how many unnecessary cupboards and closets the Manor had, or it seemed that way to us after being stuck in such a tiny living space with no storage. I was going past one of the walk-in cupboards on the second floor one day and your mum jumped out and accidentally scared me half to death, so naturally I decided to get revenge by doing the same the following day and then it spiralled rather out of hand from there. We had to tone it down after my father realised what we were doing; he didn't approve of such frivolities.

Those revision plans sound very comprehensive (I'd expect nothing less from you) but do remember to take some breaks every now and then too, Scorpius. Exams are important but so is taking care of yourself. Would you like me to ask Albus's parents about him spending so much time alone? If you are concerned then perhaps you should mention it to a teacher.

Love,

Dad

* * *

_Saturday 5 th June_

Dear Albus,

Let us know if you want any more books - Dad found another big stack of them behind the old couch in the spare room and most are textbooks, even if they are a little old (not fifty years, thank you very much). 

We should be free for a floo call tomorrow afternoon and of course we're happy to talk about Cedric and Fred if you would like to. Neither of us are sure how to call the Room of Requirement but we'll be around the house from about 2pm so just call us from the kitchen if we're not in the room when you floo through at first.

Speak to you tomorrow.

Love,

Mum & Dad

* * *

_Sunday 6 th June_

James,

Okay well I won't make you go on about all your emotional turmoil anymore because I know it's probably making you uncomfortable, but I feel like I get it now. I'm not planning on going missing any time soon and I'm very glad that everything worked out the way it did and we're still good. And yeah I've talked to Lily a little bit at dinner a couple of times but I feel like I might try and sit down with her properly at some point and sort of apologise for all the stress I caused. 

That's great about Fran. I saw you going into Charms on Friday and holding the door for her and I don't think I've ever seen you look so happy! Please stop using the word 'activities' like that though for the love of Merlin, I don't want to know.

Al

P.S. Random question - have you ever been in that weird little music shop in Hogsmeade? What's it like?

* * *

_Monday 7 th June_

Dear Draco,

Well, you asked me to let you know how the Australian quidditch ambassadors were getting on, and they've certainly been having a good time - perhaps _too much_ of a good time, given that I discovered this morning they've been doing so on the Prophet's expense. Spent most of today having some awkward conversations with our accounts department, trying to persuade them that it wasn't me who ordered six barrels of butterbeer for myself on my company account on Saturday. And some people think that covering sports is all fun and games...

I'm so pleased that you and Scorpius are beginning to talk about Astoria again, I really am. Harry and I spoke to Albus yesterday and he talked about Scorpius for quite a while, telling us that his panic attacks really seem to be improving and he's gaining in confidence a bit too. I know he means the world to you and I think he means a lot to a lot of other people too - myself included.

Now that the weather has finally improved I've started to think about plans for this summer, and I was thinking that it might be nice for the boys to have longer visits this year; I think Albus would certainly be keen. I'd be more than happy to have Scorpius stay with us for a few weeks, depending on your plans of course. Have a think, no need to decide right away. 

Lunch on Friday, if you're in the archives like usual?

Best,

Ginny

* * *

_Tuesday 8 th June_

Dear Dad,

I've had a good day today, I got Professor Abiola to mark one of my practice Transfiguration exam essays and she said it was one of the best she'd ever seen, she gave me 89%! Anything above 85% is almost unheard of in her class so I'm quite pleased.

I did have another panic attack on Sunday night though. It hadn't happened for over two weeks so I thought I was doing alright, but I had a nightmare about Delphi and about the crucio curse and I woke up still thinking I was in pain like I used to at the beginning of the year. Albus stayed with me for ages though even though I was being silly and crying at him and everything.

He spent quite a lot of Sunday away from the common room but I'm not sure what he was doing, he still won't tell me this thing that he's working on. I saw him doing a few doodles at lunch yesterday and one looked like a ferret or weasel-type animal which I thought was strange because he usually sketches landscapes and skies and things, rather than people or animals. It's all a bit weird really. He seems happy enough but I'm a bit worried that he doesn't want me to know what's going on. Don't tell his parents though, I think I'm probably just overthinking things. 

I looked into a few more herbology books over the weekend during my breaks from revision (see, I _am_ taking breaks, stop worrying!) and I found one that actually included a biography of Mrs Hayhurst! I might ask Madam Pince if I can borrow it over summer because it has some really interesting stories but I'm not sure how reliable they are and I think it would be interesting to ask her, if she has the time of course.

It's good to hear more stories about mum. I was thinking about her yesterday because I went to the Room of Requirement to do more piano practice and was playing some of the Swan Lake music again. Do you remember when we went to see it in London?

Love,

Scorpius

* * *

_Wednesday 9 th June_

Dear Mum and Dad,

Thanks for all your advice on Sunday, it was good to talk. I think I've got almost everything planned now, but I've barely told any people so please don't let James know, or anyone who might ruin the plans. I've got a meeting with Professor McGonagall after lessons on Friday and I've asked Sadie to come with me so we can make sure she approves it all. 

Only five days till exams start now and Scorpius is going a bit mad, as you might expect. I've revised most of the stuff I need to, I think, but I'll try and cram more this weekend. History of Magic is the worst because I can just never remember which Goblin Rebellion is which. 

Love,

Albus

X

* * *

_Thursday 10 th June_

Al,

Hey thanks for being SO subtle this morning, I'm sure Fran never suspected a thing - oh no wait, you smirking like an idiot and making stupid comments about us 'looking cosy' probably completely freaked her out!! If I get back to the common room tonight and she's mad at me then I'm blaming you. 

How's revision going anyway? You sure you don't want to have Lily as your revision coordinator for a day or two? I'm dying over here. End of next week can't come soon enough! She's not even letting me go into Hogsmeade this weekend. She did say that she'd spoken to you the other day though and you'd talked about 'some emotional stuff', but she wouldn't tell me more than that. 

James

P.S. Yeah I think I've been in that music shop once or twice, it has a bunch of obscure magical instruments and then some muggle stuff too, and loads of books of songs. Why do you want to know?

* * *

_Friday 11 th June_

Dear Scorpius,

That's a very impressive mark for your Transfiguration practice essay; I'm sure you don't have anything to worry about when it comes to the real exam. I'm sorry to hear about the panic attack, but I'm sure Oswald told us when we first spoke to him about the calming draughts that there would likely be ups and downs, and they weren't a cure-all solution. If you need to owl me or floo home because of nightmares please let me or Professor McGonagall know, alright?

I have to admit I am also somewhat concerned that Albus seems to be suddenly spending so much time alone and acting so secretively. I swore that if I heard he was starting to withdraw from his friends and family again I would let Ginny know, to try and prevent a repeat of his disappearance in February. Are you sure that he isn't putting himself in danger again?

Of course I remember the Swan Lake trip with your mum. That was one of the pieces you were playing on the piano at Christmas, wasn't it? She used to know all that music by heart, it was her favourite ballet. I think she would have been very pleased to know that you were still enjoying it all these years later.

If I don't write to you again before Monday, know that I'll be thinking of you in your exams. I have every faith that you'll try your best and that's all that matters to me; no matter what marks you get. Good luck and all my love.

Dad

* * *

_Saturday 12 th June_

James,

Come on, you and Fran were all over each other! Even if you hadn't told me anything before, I'd have been an idiot not to notice that. _Did_ she freak out?

Revision is just... a lot. It feels like it's never going to end to be honest, even though it's only two days till exams start now. I just want to get them over and done with but Scorpius is stuck between wanting to do all the exams right now this second and wanting another three weeks of revision time because he's worried he hasn't done enough. He had a panic attack on Sunday and a few more nightmares this week which I think is exam stress getting to him.

I was asking about the music shop because I want to get something for him, sort of as a thank you for putting up with me all this year. He's been working so hard on his piano practice since we found the Room of Requirement but he's always going on about wanting to have more variety of things to play, so I was thinking I might be able to get some sheet music maybe. I'm going to try and go down to Hogsmeade for a couple of hours after lunch (he won't come because he only wants to revise) and see if I can find something. Might be a stupid idea though.

Al

P.S. Yeah I talked to Lily on Tuesday, we ended up staying late in the Great Hall after dinner and I sort of explained how I'd been feeling and she told me some things too, partly about October and some other stuff too. It was good, it's been a while since we talked like that.

* * *

_Sunday 13 th June_

Dear Ginny,

Good to see you again on Friday, and you really didn't need to apologise for dashing off - I know Harry doesn't get a great deal of time off from the Ministry so I would hate to keep you from him on the rare occasions you get to see each other during the working day. 

Scorpius is of course working himself into a frenzy about his exams but I am trying to emphasise that they aren't the be-all and end-all for him, and I really couldn't care less about his marks as long as he is happy. I think being the first set of exams since everything that happened at the beginning of the school year, he's extra keen to prove himself to his teachers, to make up for the rule-breaking which caused him so much anxiety before. 

Anyway, I hope that Albus fares well with exams too; I imagine it'll be a busy week for them both. Is he still feeling well and attending his sessions with Oswald Finch?

As for summer plans, I had actually been planning to extend the same offer to you regarding the boys. I know Scorpius is keen to invite Albus to stay at the Manor too, and I would be perfectly happy to accommodate. Perhaps I could host them for a couple of weeks at the beginning of summer and then they could stay with you for a couple towards the end of the break?

Best,

Draco

* * *

_Sunday 13 th June_

Dear Albus,

Good luck with the first of your exams tomorrow - don't feel like you have to write back during the week but perhaps send us an owl at the weekend to let us know that everything has gone alright?

We were happy to help out with the planning for your project but remember not to let it distract you too much from school work. Are are you still sure about keeping it from Scorpius? Draco was asking after you the other day and I get the feeling that Scorpius might be telling him he's worried about you spending so much time away from him without explaining. 

Love,

Mum & Dad

* * *

_Tuesday 15 th June_

Al,

How's exams? I can't believe we're only two days in, I feel like my brain is going to liquefy and pour out of my ears already. Gabe had a complete meltdown in our Charms practical today and managed to turn his fingernails bright blue and about six inches long before the invigilators saw him and reversed it. Was a bit distracting (but hilarious) for the rest of us too.

And okay no, Fran didn't freak out about you making those comments. She actually thought it was kind of funny. And it sort of helped us have a bit more of a conversation about things and it turns out she's pretty much okay with the idea of us being you know, boyfriend and girlfriend now. So I think maybe it's official? Not exactly planning a big announcement or anything though.

I think the music sounds like a good idea for Scorpius actually. I didn't realise he was so into his piano but it seems like a thoughtful kind of present (and you were always the thoughtful one out of us Potter kids, let's be honest). Did you manage to get to the Hogsmeade shop at the weekend?

James

* * *

_Wednesday 16 th June_

Dear Dad,

We're halfway through exams now and I think they've mostly gone alright so far! For Transfiguration yesterday the question that we had to write our essays on was quite similar to the practice essay I'd done last week, which was useful but I'm a bit worried that maybe I repeated myself too much. We've got our Herbology practical this afternoon and Marion told me she'd heard from another Ravenclaw that we might have to dissect screechsnap berries which we haven't studied at all this year but I'm hoping that's just a rumour. 

I had a bit of a panic attack at lunch yesterday, not a proper one because Albus was there to calm me down, but he's spending most of his evenings out of the common room still. I'm staying back to revise and I don't really want to ask him where he's going because he doesn't seem to want to tell me. I'm sure he's fine though. I think maybe after exams I might try and talk to him about it again.

Love,

Scorpius

* * *

_Thursday 17 th June_

James,

Exams are killing me, I'm so tired that I drank three full cups of coffee this morning and still nearly fell asleep during History of Magic. But on the bright side we didn't have a single question about Goblin Rebellions, thank Dumbledore. Only two more to go now and our last exam is Defence Against the Dark Arts so at least that should be slightly more entertaining than Divination tomorrow morning. 

I can't believe you and Fran are official! James Potter settling down for a serious relationship, who would have thought it. That's really great honestly, she seems cool.

Yep I practically ran to Hogsmeade and back on Saturday to get to the music shop and I managed to find some sheet music for this muggle composer that Scorpius really likes, Tchaikovsky (I don't know if that's a first name or surname to be honest). I'm going to save it to give to him at the end of term though so I've just hidden it in my trunk for now. Cheers for the help though.

Speaking of help... are you free on Tuesday evening/night next week? I could use a hand with something.

Al

* * *

_Friday 18 th June_

Dear Scorpius,

Thank you for telling me all about your exams, I'm very glad that they're going well so far. All that hard work and revision is paying off, I'm sure. Did the Herbology exam end up being screechsnap berries in the end? I remember your mum once trying to clear some of the screechsnap bushes from the Manor gardens not long after we'd moved back in and the plants made so much noise that we both ended up with our ears ringing for days afterwards.

As for what Albus is up to - Scorpius, I really think it might be time to raise this with his parents or with a teacher if it's causing you undue stress. It wouldn't be the first time he has acted irrationally, and to be frank I can't see what kind of 'art project' would require him to be spending so much time away from his friends. Once your exams have finished and you have some more free time please consider mentioning it to someone, or letting me know if you'd like me to speak to Ginny. 

Love,

Dad

* * *

_Saturday 19 th June_

Dear Draco,

How has Scorpius been coping with exams? I think Albus will just be relieved to have them finished at this point, he seemed to be taking them very seriously but struggling a little to keep all his revision plans organised. From what I hear, Scorpius has always been at the very top of his classes so I'm confident that his results will be excellent. 

Albus has still been seeing Oswald weekly; he sometimes mentions snippets of things they have discussed but on the whole he's fairly private about it all. I think it's making a noticeable difference though - he seems so much more confident and sure of himself than he was when he was at his lowest, and he's excited about his hobbies and his school work again, which is a great relief to me and Harry. It was very difficult to watch him be so tired and disillusioned with things before. 

That all sounds like an excellent summer plan to me; I'm sure the boys will be excited too. I'll mention that we're happy to invite Scorpius to stay in our next owl or floo call to Albus and if you let Scorpius know too then they can invite each other (and we can pretend that we hadn't already organised it all for them!)

Best,

Ginny

* * *

_Sunday 20 th June_

Dear Mum and Dad,

Exams are finished, finally! I think they mostly went okay, except for Divination where I managed to forget what three of the zodiac constellations were called and had to try and make up names. Don't think that'll go down very well with the examiners. But at least they're all done and now I don't have to do any more revision for ages. I'm pretty sure Scorpius did brilliantly in everything, he seemed to always be writing super long answers and getting through the questions very quickly.

I haven't told him anything about the plans yet but I'm going to tell him on Tuesday afternoon I think and ask if he wants to come too. Sadie has all the supplies ready and she's bringing Lily, and I've asked James to come too, and a couple of the Slytherins from Craig's year. Professor McGonagall was fine with the plan as long as we can get everything done between 5pm and 2am (she told us we could break the curfew as long as we went straight back to our dormitories afterwards). Fingers crossed it all goes to plan. 

Love,

Albus

X

* * *

_Sunday 20 th June_

Dear Dad,

All my exams are over now - sorry that I didn't write yesterday but I spent most of the day organising all of my revision folders and adding notes about the exam questions so I can make sure I remember all that information if I need it for next year. The Herbology practical did use some screechsnap berries but they were already picked and chopped, we just had to use them in a fertiliser base for some bouncing bulbs so it wasn't as difficult as I thought it might be. 

I'm not sure about Albus, I don't really know what to do. I haven't asked him anything directly but he came back to the common room this afternoon with a big stack of parchment and paint in his hair and he looked really happy. I think he's having a good time with whatever he's doing and I don't want to make him feel bad. If he hasn't told me anything by the end of term I'll think about telling his mum. 

By the way I have my final appointment with Oswald for the school year on Thursday and I think I am going to ask him if I can keep taking the calming draughts over summer because I think they are really helping. I've spent a lot more time on my own this week and only felt panicked a few times. I hope that's alright.

Love,

Scorpius

* * *

_Monday 21 st June_

Al,

Feeling better about life now exams are done? Not sure what the mood was like over in the dungeons but Friday night was absolute mania in the Gryffindor common room. I think I've just about got over my headache...

Hey, no need for sarky comments! I can do a 'serious relationship' if I want to, thank you very much. And I'm pretty serious about Fran. We went flying yesterday around the grounds and over the forest and she absolutely destroyed me when we tried to compete to see who had the best Wronski feint. Hers was incredible and I nearly smashed into a tree. It was hot.

I should be free tomorrow night but I'm a bit concerned by you wanting _my_ help on something... what are you up to? And is this why Lily was being weird earlier when I asked what plans she had for this week?

James

* * *

_Tuesday 22 nd June_

Dear Scorpius,

There is no need to apologise for not writing sooner, I know that you like to keep all your schoolwork organised and filed properly and I'm sure that you had an awful lot of notes from these past few weeks. I'm very proud of you for working so hard and I'm sure that you did the best you could in all those exams. I hope you can find some time to relax now and enjoy your last week at school before the summer. 

I think that's a very sensible idea to ask Nurse Finch about the calming draughts over the summer, and if you encounter any resistance from him or Madam Pomfrey please let me know and I will write to them to support your request. It's certainly been a relief to me to hear that your panic attacks have subsided in recent weeks and I wouldn't want you to be feeling any worse once the term has finished. 

I will try to trust that you are correct about Albus and nothing untoward is going on, but please let me know if you have even the slightest hint of him trying anything dangerous. Ginny would never forgive me if something happened to him and I'd never said anything to her. On a similar subject, I thought perhaps you might like to have Albus to stay at the Manor for two or three weeks at the beginning of the summer holidays. I'm happy for you to extend the invitation and see if he would like to come. 

Love,

Dad

* * *

_Tuesday 22 nd June_

James, 

Can't tell you much about tonight until you get here. Meet us in the library corridor just after six and wear old robes or something you don't mind getting stained.

Al

Al,

What?? Now I'm even more confused and weirded out. Who else is coming?

James

James,

It's nothing sinister! It's even McGonagall-approved, I just don't want too many other kids to know. It'll be me, a couple of other Slytherins including Sadie Bowker, Lily, and hopefully Scorpius - I need to talk to him first. It's a good thing, okay? I just need some extra hands.

Al

Al,

Alright fine, but if it's too weird I'm going to leave. Is Sadie Bowker that girl I saw you with a few weeks ago? Is this what you were plotting? I don't like it when you have secrets, it makes me nervous. See you in a couple of hours (probably).

James

* * *

_Wednesday 23 rd June_

**NOTICE FROM THE HEADMISTRESS**

Dear students,

It is not often that I have cause to write to our full student body, and today I wish to firstly congratulate those of you who have recently completed your end-of-year examinations. The Hogwarts curriculum is a strenuous one and this time of year is particularly taxing, but our professors have all expressed to me great pride and admiration for their students' commitment to their magical education. I am honoured to lead a school so full of enthusiasm for learning. 

Secondly, the eagle-eyed among you may have noticed the appearance of a new piece of art in the Library Corridor. You will know that earlier in the school year we were shocked and deeply saddened by the loss of fifth-year student Craig Bowker Jr. The mural now displayed outside the library is a commemoration of Craig's life, his passions, family, and friends. It will stand as testament to the light he brought to our community and as a way for all those who knew him to celebrate his memory. I would like to thank Albus Potter and Sadie Bowker for helping to bring about this thoughtful tribute.

As part of our end-of-term feast on Friday of this week, we would like to invite all students to the site of the mural for an informal celebration of Craig's life. Candles will be lit in his memory and we will have some music from our student bands in the library, along with Professor Hagrid bringing some of our better-behaved magical creatures up to the school to feed and pet, to honour Craig's passion and talent for Care of Magical Creatures. A dress code is not mandatory but those of you who knew Craig will remember his commitment to green knitted headwear, so we would encourage as many of you as possible to don green hats in his honour.

I hope to see many of you at the celebration on Friday, and wish all of you a pleasant and relaxed end to the summer term. 

Professor McGonagall

* * *

_Thursday 24 th June_

Dear Dad,

Well I finally know what Albus has been working on all this time and it's amazing, Dad! I'm going to try and explain everything so sorry if this turns out to be a really long letter.

It was actually right after I got your letter on Tuesday that Albus came to talk to me, he'd been out all morning but I wasn't sure where and then he came back up to the dormitories (I was just reading). Before I even said anything, he asked if he could explain what had been going on and said he was sorry for being secretive. He said he hadn't told me anything until now partly because he was nervous about the whole thing but mostly because he didn't want me to have any distractions while exams were going on, and he knew if he told me that I'd want to get involved and help him and take time out of my revision schedule. It makes sense now that I think about it because I probably have been a bit obsessive about the exams.

Anyway he told me that after everything that happened earlier this year and some talks he'd had with his dad, he thought that he wanted to organise something to pay tribute to Craig Bowker, and to do something for Craig's family and friends and to make sure that he didn't get forgotten. It turns out he's been thinking about this for months and a while ago he went to speak to Sadie, Craig's sister, to see what she thought about Albus doing something. He said that he'd had one of his notebooks with him and Sadie accidentally saw one of his sketches, and then asked to see more, and then suggested that he should do a painting for Craig. Al said he thought it was a really silly idea at first but then he talked about it more with Sadie and then with his dad and even with Professor Hagrid, because Craig always loved his lessons. 

Eventually they came up with a plan for a big mural to show all the things that people loved about Craig and all the things he enjoyed so it would be like a celebration of his life instead of just a memorial. Albus and Sadie came up with the ideas and then Albus designed it, and then they got permission from Professor McGonagall to paint it overnight on Tuesday outside the library. Al told me all this at lunchtime on Tuesday and then said he would like to have me there too, so we could do some of the painting together, and of course I said yes.

There was a little group of us in the end, and Lily and James were there too as well as a couple of Craig's friends from the year above, and Albus and Sadie did all the outlines so the rest of us could go along and fill in the colours. The whole mural took us about seven and a half hours altogether, but I think it looks amazing. It takes up the whole height of the wall outside the library, and the middle is a portrait of Craig, and all around the outside and along the walls are pictures of his favourite places and things - the Slytherin common room, the house where his family live, lots of different magical creatures, some quidditch posters, all sorts of stuff. It's really colourful too, and although the portrait isn't a magical one that moves and speaks (I actually think that would be a bit weird if you could talk to him), Albus has done lots of work to learn some painting charms so that the backgrounds are sort of swirly and the clouds change, and the creatures all move and change too - there's a unicorn that shakes its mane, and a jarvey that runs up and down the corridor following you if you walk past, and birds that fly back and forth too. It's so beautiful, I wish you could see it. 

I think Al was actually really nervous about it all because the whole time we were painting he kept asking us what we thought of it, and I think he barely slept overnight even though we got back to the dormitories at about 2am and we were both super tired. Professor McGonagall sent a notice round yesterday morning to tell everybody about the mural and actually thanked Albus and Sadie by name, and the teachers are all organising a party in Craig's honour tomorrow as part of the end-of-year feast.

It's strange really because if he'd told me beforehand what he was planning I think I would have just worried that it wasn't the right thing to do, that it was going to be too upsetting (for him or for Sadie and Craig's other friends) or something, but after finding out and then going over there and seeing it all come together, I can't imagine it being any other way now. It made me realise how little everyone has been talking about Craig since he was killed, and that we should all be doing the opposite really.

I think I've written too much already so I'll sign off in a minute but I've just asked Albus about coming to stay over summer and he said he'd really like to. It's Lily's birthday next week so he said he will probably stay with his family until then but he should be able to come over on the weekend of the 3rd of July. He also said that he was thinking maybe I could go and stay at his house for the last two or three weeks of the holidays too - can I?

Love,

Scorpius

* * *

_Thursday 24 th June_

Dear Mum and Dad,

It worked! It all worked! I'm so tired but it was worth it, everybody has been really nice about the mural and Professor McGonagall even came to speak to me and Sadie yesterday to say she thought it was 'a beautiful and fitting tribute' to Craig. I'm really relieved because I was worried that I wouldn't feel like I'd done Craig justice, you know? What happened to him was awful but hopefully at least this means that in the future people will remember a bit more about what he was like when he was alive.

Scorpius was fine with everything when I explained it to him on Tuesday and he came to help with the painting too. He was really good actually, at this point I think there's basically nothing he's not good at. Plus he helped me figure out one of the paint charms when the movement wasn't working properly. He's asked if I want to go and stay with him for the first few weeks of summer, is that alright? I've said I'd need to be home for Lil's birthday obviously. 

I'm not sure if I'll have time to write again before Sunday since it's the end-of-year feast and celebration for Craig tomorrow, and then a bunch of us are planning to do a quidditch tournament on Saturday, plus me and Scorpius want to go back to the Room of Requirement one last time before we come home. But I'll see you at King's Cross on Sunday!

Love,

Al

X

* * *

_Friday 25 th June_

Al,

Morning! Look I'm awake before 12pm and I don't even have quidditch practice this morning. Sorry but I need a favour - do you have a spare hat for this afternoon? I know everyone is wearing green ones for Craig's party but all the hats I have are Gryffindor red and I'll only destroy them if I try and colour charm them, you know I'm useless at that spell.

Also I know I kind of talked to you the other day but I feel like I should be a good big brother and actually say it properly - you did an amazing job with all this, Al. I really had no idea what to expect when you told me but from when I was talking to Sadie it sounded like you've put so much effort into making sure it was a good tribute to Craig. I think it's a pretty cool thing to have done and I've heard so many other kids saying how impressed they are too. I don't know, just thought I should say.

Let me know about the hat!!

James

* * *

_Friday 25 th June_

Dear Scorpius,

I must say that your last letter came as something of a surprise; I don't know what I was expecting to hear but it wasn't that. After a second read I admit I am really quite impressed. It seems as though Albus has given a great deal of thought and attention to this project and I sincerely hope it has been well-received. I think it's an admirable use of his time and must have taken considerable skill too - from what I understand, the charms used to make paintings move are quite advanced magic.

Did you manage to attend your appointment with Nurse Finch amongst all the excitement? I believe you said that was arranged for Thursday. 

I'm quite happy for you to go and stay with the Potters later on in the summer, and please let Albus know that he is welcome at the Manor from any date next week; we don't have any plans which can't be moved as yet. On Monday I will be visiting Agatha for afternoon tea and when I mentioned that you would be home on Sunday she asked me to invite you too; if you would like to come along I'm sure she'd love to see you.

Enjoy your last couple of days at school and I will see you on Sunday afternoon.

Love,

Dad

* * *

_Friday 25 th June_

James,

Well I've just spent about half an hour searching through all my possessions trying to find another green hat and I managed to unearth one eventually but it's quite small so I don't know if it'll fit over your enormous head (no offence). I'll bring it with me to the feast for you though.

I'd bring it over to Gryffindor tower but I have to meet Oswald in about ten minutes - it's my last session before the summer. It's going to be weird not seeing him every week but I think I'm feeling okay about it; he's been sort of wrapping things up the past couple of weeks. He said I've gotten better at dealing with all the memories from back in autumn, and I know I've not been freaking out as much or feeling hopeless like I did earlier in the year. I guess what I want to say is thanks. If you hadn't persuaded me to go see him months ago I don't know what I'd be doing now. Anyway, enough of that, I'll see you at the feast! We're still good for quidditch tomorrow too right?

Al

* * *

_Saturday 26 th June_

Dear Dad,

See, didn't I tell you that whatever Albus was doing would turn out alright in the end? I know you didn't believe me for a while but thank you for being so nice about it in your letter. I told Al what you said about thinking it was 'admirable' and he was really pleased.

The feast and the celebration went on all afternoon yesterday and it was my favourite Hogwarts feast ever I think. When I was younger I always felt a bit stressed at those kind of events but yesterday I felt so much calmer - me and Albus stuck together obviously but we talked to Sadie and Lily and James for quite a while, and Marion came over to find me and said thank you for all the help with her Potions revision and we swapped addresses so we can write over the summer too. She doesn't have any brothers or sisters either so she was a bit sad about leaving school for the holidays because she misses having more people to talk to.

The feast was all delicious as usual but the celebration for Craig was the best bit; everyone went over to the library and we all put on green hats like Craig used to wear so it was like a whole sea of knitted hats in all different shades of green, I think Craig would have found it really funny. People were sharing stories about him, from all the different lessons they'd been in with him or the Magical Creatures club he'd run and things like that. It was so nice to hear everybody talking about him and in such a positive way, and everyone seemed to be having a great time, including Al. People kept coming up to him to say thank you to us (although I kept trying to say that it was all Albus's hard work) and I think he was really pleased and flattered.

Today has been quite busy too; Al's brother and some of his friends had organised a friendly quidditch tournament where anyone could play and it wasn't a competition between the houses, so we all went down to the grounds by the lake and joined in, and about half the school turned up in the end! I sat with Sadie and Marion while the others were all playing and Marion showed us how to make flags out of leaves from those big umbrella plants near the forest so we could wave them every time Albus or James or Lily flew past.

Albus and I are going to go over to the Room of Requirement this evening after dinner; it's been a little while since we went but we both miss it a bit because it was such a good place to hang out away from everyone else. Al still has some painting bits and pieces there which he wants to pick up and I want to have a go on the piano there again one last time before I come home. I think it'll be nice to have a quieter evening since this week has been a bit mad.

I did go and see Oswald on Thursday and he was really nice, we did a sort of run-through of the last couple of months and he said that he was really happy with how the calming draughts seemed to be working, and that although it would probably be a long time before I would totally be rid of the panic attacks (and maybe not ever), he thought it was good that they have gotten a lot less frequent already. He was totally fine with me still taking the draughts through the summer and he's given me enough to last for the holidays and said we can meet again when I get back to school in September to see how it's going. 

I've packed almost everything now so I'm going to go to the Owlery and send this, then finish getting everything together before dinner. Hopefully this will get to you quickly but if not then I suppose I might see you at the station tomorrow before you read this - we'll see!

Love,

Scorpius

* * *

_Sunday 27 th June_

Dear Ginny,

Apologies that we couldn't stay for longer at the station this afternoon; but it was good to see you with the whole family back together. I haven't seen James and Lily since the beginning of the school year I believe (although Scorpius mentions them in his letters from time to time) and frankly James is alarmingly tall - how are our children so close to adulthood already?

Scorpius has been chatting away about how excited he is for Albus to stay with us for an extended period and I must say I'm quite looking forward to it too. It's always nice to have a little more life and noise around the Manor and it seems to have been a very long school year this time around. 

I hope you have a pleasant week. I'm over at the Ministry archives on Thursday if you want to do lunch; I've heard good things about that new café next to Tincture & Sprigs in Diagon Alley.

Best,

Draco

* * *

_Monday 28 th June_

Dear Albus,

I hope this finds you well.

Following on from our last session on Friday I wanted to let you know that if you need, I am quite happy for you to contact me over the summer. I would much rather hear from you and have the opportunity to help than discover in September that you had been unhappy. You can reach me by owl at 12 Averfern Lane, Hogsmeade.

I would also like to express my thanks to you. Before starting at Hogwarts in this new role I was full of apprehension, but it's students like you who have made my first year so rewarding. I couldn't have asked for a more open-minded or generous young person to work with and I'm honoured that you put your trust in me so completely to help you with the very difficult situations you found yourself in this year. I have been impressed by your determination and your bravery this year Albus, and I want to reassure you that no matter what comes next, I whole-heartedly believe you have all the courage you need to face the future - you just need to keep believing in yourself.

I wish you a wonderful summer and I hope to see you back healthy and happy at school in September. 

Oswald Finch

* * *

_Monday 28 th June_

Dear Scorpius,

I'm sure you will now be settled back at home and I hope you are finding time for some rest after a busy term. 

I mentioned in our meeting on Thursday that I would send on my address so that you can contact me over the holidays if you need anything; you can owl me at 12 Averfern Lane, Hogsmeade. Please do not hesitate to get in touch if there are any issues with your calming draughts or simply if you find yourself needing to talk.

I wanted to take a moment to tell you how proud I am of all the progress you've made these past few months, Scorpius. When I first met you back in the hospital wing all those weeks ago I could see that you were trying very hard to keep your feelings to yourself for fear of burdening those around you, and you were suffering because of that. Watching you start to allow yourself space for those feelings and hearing you speak so openly and eloquently about your anxiety and grief has been a privilege and I believe you are a truly remarkable young man. Anxiety is something that can stay with you for a lifetime but I have faith that you will learn to overcome the obstacles it might place in your path and go on to fulfil all the potential you have to make a difference in the world.

Rest assured that I will be here to help and advise wherever possible, and I am just an owl away. Have an excellent summer.

Oswald Finch

* * *

_Tuesday 29 th June_

Scorpius,

Hey, it's me! 

It's been weird being back home again (although it always feels like that for a while after coming back from Hogwarts, doesn't it) but everyone's been in a really good mood. We were in London today and went past the Zircon Library and it made me think of that book catalogue notebook you have - you got it from the gift shop there, right?

James is having Fran over to visit tomorrow so he's all happy, and Lily is obviously super excited for her birthday. Mum and Dad try to be all chill and pretend they don't care but I'm pretty sure they love it when they have all of us back home for the holidays. They were talking this morning about pets and I'm pretty sure they are thinking of getting a cat so that might be happening at some point over the next week or two!

Hope you and your dad are all good at the Manor, can't wait to come and join you on Saturday. It's weird not seeing you all the time.

Albus

P.S. Did you get a letter from Oswald?

* * *

_Wednesday 30 th June_

Dear Albus,

Yes, I did get that notebook from the Zircon Library! Did you go in? Did you see if they still have the notebooks? Because mine is almost full already and I was actually thinking of getting a second one.

It's a bit strange being back home for me too, although Dad and I have been quite busy. We went over to see Mrs Hayhurst, the neighbour I told you about, for afternoon tea on Monday and it was actually really nice, she's such an interesting lady. She had a really long career in herbology and she was telling me about all sorts of different plants and things that she'd discovered.

That's really exciting that your mum and dad are thinking about getting a pet! Imagine if they have a cat by the time I come and visit in a few weeks. I'd _love_ that!

Make sure you say Happy Birthday to Lily from me tomorrow!

Love,

Scorpius

P.S. I did get a letter from Oswald, I'm guessing you did too? I'll show it to you at the weekend, it's _so_ nice. He's the best.

P.P.S. I can't wait for you to come and stay either, Saturday seems so far away still! I miss you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is almost it guys! All of our time at Hogwarts has come to a close and the final chapter will be our epilogue. Thank you SO much to everybody who's been reading since the beginning, I loved hearing your theories about the last chapter and your support means everything 💜
> 
> Let me know your thoughts in the comments, and come find me on Twitter/Tumblr @trolleybitch 💕


	10. July

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the summer holidays, Albus is staying at Malfoy Manor, and he and James reflect on everything that's happened over the past few months.

_Sunday 4 th July _

Al,

How's the fancy Manor? Do you have a four-poster bed and your own bathroom and everything? Someday you're going to have to find a way to invite me over too so I can see how posh it is because every time you've told me about it I think the Malfoys' house sounds great.

Fran's here and she says to say hi too, and sorry she couldn't have come round earlier in the week to hang out more. We're probably going to get some quidditch practice in this afternoon if it doesn't rain. Lily's talking about wanting to try out for the team next year so I think she wants us to start some kind of training regime with her. Never a moment's rest with that girl!

James

* * *

_Tuesday 6 th July_

James,

The Manor is great! It's not _that_ posh, it's just big. A lot of it's pretty old but Scorpius's dad has done a load of work this year on clearing up and chucking out a lot of the old stuff that had been left when Scorpius's grandparents moved out. It almost looks like a different house inside now.

Say hi back to Fran from me, I hope she managed to survive quidditch with Lily. Does she really need training? You'd think that once she's decided to try out, everyone else will just clear out of the way and let her straight on the team because they'll be too afraid to say no. That's what I'd do at least.

Me and Scorpius went flying yesterday too, just round some of the Manor gardens because there are muggles in the village so we can't go too far, but it was good. I've kind of missed it - I don't know if I'd ever be up for actually competing in quidditch but it's nice to get out on my broom still. Think we might be going over to visit one of the neighbours in the village tomorrow. What are you guys doing while mum and dad are back at work?

Al

P.S. Just thinking as I was writing this - do you remember at the beginning of the year when we never wrote to each other at all? Funny isn't it, because I kind of thought that the letters would phase out after a bit but I still weirdly enjoy writing to you. Is that odd?

* * *

_Thursday 8 th July_

Al,

Quidditch was terrifying to be honest, Fran and Lil basically teamed up against me and I didn't stand a chance. Might try and practice with Teddy instead of those two if I want to keep my head attached to my spine. (Nah for real they were great, Lily is for sure getting on the team next year and Fran has always been amazing.)

Apart from quidditch I've been out to the beach a couple of days this week, once with all three of us plus Rose and Hugo and once just me and Fran so we could have some time alone. How was your visit with the random neighbour?

You'll probably also be pleased to know that Lily is obsessed with the little play house thing you got her for Herbert, she's decorated it and put a lot of mini furniture in it so he can sit on a little chair and then climb up the ladder to the attic to lie in the little bed to sleep. That is one spoilt pygmy puff. 

I guess I hadn't thought about it really, but maybe it is a bit strange that we write so much now when we didn't before, and instead of just talking. Would you rather we didn't?

James

* * *

_Saturday 10 th July_

James,

Well I sure am glad to hear that Lily was every bit as dangerous as I imagined on the quidditch pitch. What do you reckon she'll be on the team, beater?

The visit with the neighbour was actually great, Mrs Hayhurst she's called - she made us this enormous afternoon tea and I ate about 12 cherry scones while she told us these wild stories about the round-the-world trips she went on when she was younger. She and Scorpius's dad seem like really good mates which is kind of funny because I've never seen him so chilled before, he was chatting to her loads and making jokes about farmers' markets? And she sent us home with five weird new plants for the Manor which explains why there's so many houseplants everywhere here now. She used to be a botanist and I think it's rubbing off on Draco too. 

He's also been out quite a lot at the Ministry archives, apparently he works there a few days a week now helping on research projects and stuff because he knows lots about history, and he was meeting our mum for lunch the other day as well. Scorpius seems really happy about it actually and I think it's a bit of a relief for him that his dad has a few friends he can chat to and some stuff to keep him busy, so Scorp can stop worrying that he's still all sad over his mum. 

We've just been chilling around the house today because Draco was out. I've been doing some sketching (the gardens are really pretty to draw) and Scorpius has been playing piano a lot too, he's gotten so good. I love listening to him play to be honest, and he makes the funniest concentration face. Do you remember I bought that sheet music from the muggle composer Tchaikovsky for him? I gave it to him on the last day of term when we went back up to the Room of Requirement and he _loved_ it, he's learnt about half of it already and it sounds amazing when he's playing it on the grand piano here. Sounds like I'm just awesome at buying presents though if Lily liked her birthday gift that much too. I went into Sybaris's Creature Supplies in Hogsmeade ages ago and they had a whole display of things for pygmy puffs but when I saw the mini house I knew she'd love it. 

Your beach trips sound good. I might drag Scorpius out to the beach from here one day if he'll go, although you know how much he hates being out when it's really hot and sunny. Are things still going well with you and Fran? She hasn't got bored of you yet? No need to tell me any more about the 'alone time', thanks.

No of course I don't want to stop writing! I was just thinking it was strange. But lots of things seem strange looking back at the beginning of this year now. Have mum and dad said much to you about my sessions with Oswald or anything since I've been staying here?

Al

* * *

_Monday 12 th July_

Al,

If Lily isn't a beater I'll eat the sorting hat. I think it'll probably be a good outlet for all her... passionate energy. 

How's Scorpius doing generally, when he's not stressed about getting sunstroke or something? Is he still getting panic attacks or have those potions cured him?

Me and Fran are great. She's just really easy to be around, you know? There's no awkwardness or nerves about being together, and she just makes me laugh all the time. I think because we were friends for so long before anything happened, that made everything ten times better than if it had just been flirting from the start. Don't know if that makes sense but it's how I feel. And I know I've been teasing before but when it comes to 'alone time' or 'activities' or whatever, nothing _that_ significant has happened, alright? I was kind of messing with you but we're just... not rushing things. 

Mum and dad have asked me things once or twice about how you're doing, because they know we've been writing. I don't remember them asking specifically about Oswald though, only checking in to see that I'm not too worried about you, which I said I wasn't much anymore. It seems as though you guys must be talking a lot more than you were earlier in the year too, right?

James

* * *

_Wednesday 14 th July_

James,

Agreed about Lily being destined to be a quidditch beater. Do you think we can get the parents to take us up on that bet?

Scorpius is doing pretty well, he's still having the odd panic attack here and there though. He had a pretty intense nightmare a couple of nights after I arrived here and we were up for quite a while in the middle of the night because he went into proper panic mode and was struggling to breathe. I don't think that his anxiety is something that can be cured exactly, he might always get panic attacks now and again, but the calming draughts are making it much easier to manage. Most of the time he's fine and he's so much more relaxed and happy day to day than he was for most of this year at least, which is a relief. I was so worried about him for ages, I hated seeing him so stressed.

I think we're better friends than we ever have been too. I was so awful to him earlier this year but he was so patient and since then we've been able to talk about everything and I feel like we understand each other's heads a lot more. Plus we're not wasting time worrying or pretending we don't want to be around each other anymore. He's moping a bit this morning because I've been here a week and a half already which means we've only got a few days left before I come home, so I have to keep reminding him that he's coming to stay with us soon anyway. He's _so_ excited for that, he won't shut up about it.

Look at you, being such a big softie about Fran! You've got it bad, haven't you? It's good though, and I guess that makes sense about you being good friends first before anything romantic happened so that made it easier. Do you think you're in _loooove?_

As for mum and dad, I think I've talked to them more this year than I've ever done in the past, to be honest. I feel bad that it's taken me so long and that I was holding everything back before, especially with dad. Oswald helped me a lot with that, making me see that me and dad were a lot more similar than I used to think. And dad gave me lots of advice about what to do as a tribute to Craig, and I think it was good for us to talk about him and about Cedric. Scorpius seems to be getting on really well with his dad too - they were close before but Scorp always said that he wished he could talk to him more about his mum. Now I've heard them talking about her a few times, just casually in conversation, which they never used to do before. I guess I'm looking at all this stuff as a sort of silver lining to everything that happened in October.

Al

* * *

_Friday 16 th July_

Al,

Mate, I'm genuinely really pleased that things are so much better with you and dad and mum now. I never wanted to ask too many questions but I could tell things had been tense for a while. And same with Scorpius - talking to him in the last week of term, he seemed like a totally different person from how he was in January. I'm glad that the two of you made up (because if you'd stayed not talking then that would have been so messed up) and all that stuff is more or less in the past, you and Scorpius both deserve to have everything be a bit easier this year. 

Hey, no need to tease me about Fran though. I'm allowed to be mushy over my own girlfriend. I don't know if I'd say love yet, but I like her a whole lot. The switch from being friends to more-than-friends just happened so easily, it all just made sense, you know?

James

P.S. Is it tomorrow or Sunday you're back home?

* * *

_Saturday 17 th July_

James,

Thanks big bro. It means a lot to know I can talk to you about all this now, it really does. I'm already feeling good about fifth year.

And fine, you're allowed to be all mushy and emotional, but only in letters because you're not talking to me about any of this stuff in public or I will absolutely have to mock you. I'm glad you're so almost-but-not-quite-in-love. 

I'm back home tomorrow, probably in the evening because Scorpius's dad is out for the day again so we're making the most of being able to chill in the house just the two of us.

Albus

* * *

__Sunday 18 th July_ _

Al, 

No problem. I'm happy we can talk about all this stuff too. Although Merlin, you talking about being in fifth year makes me feel SO OLD. How am I going to be in seventh year already? Lily is going to make me so many revision timetables. 

I know, I know, I promise not to be gross and in love when you're back home and talk about Fran all the time. It's just a nice feeling though, you know?

By the way, mum says what time are you getting back tonight because she's got a woman from work coming over to drop off some files or something at about six so she doesn't want you to 'floo into the kitchen and start shouting at your brother or causing chaos' and scare the old lady. I said I'd ask so can you owl back this morning as soon as you get this?

James

James,

Ha, stop complaining, old man. I'll make sure to find you a nice retirement home as long as you're not mean to me. 

Tell mum I don't know why she thinks I would floo back and cause chaos (literally never happened before) but I'll be back probably about 8pm because Scorpius's dad said he would make dinner for us all before I leave. Hope that's alright. 

Not sure if I trust you to 'not be gross and in love' but we'll see. Although actually while we're still writing before I get back, can I ask you something? 

Al

Al,

Of course, you can ask me whatever. What's up?

James

James,

Alright. Don't be weird about it though.

How do you know? If you have someone who's a friend but you think it might be more?

Al

Al,

Ah, that. I guess for me it was that I realised I wanted to spend more and more time with Fran, you know? And I would get disappointed when other people interrupted us if it was only the two of us together sometimes. The more I thought about it, the more I thought everything she did was just... really cool. Like she was the most interesting person I knew, and she's so smart and funny and I just wanted to be around her as much as I could.

Why? Do you think you feel that way about someone?

James

James,

Nah, nobody. Forget I said anything. 

See you tonight :)

Al

* * *

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all, folks! It feels so strange to be posting the very last chapter because it feels like just yesterday that I started putting this out into the world. 
> 
> Huge thank you if you have made it this far, and if you have taken time to read or comment or leave kudos - this is the first big writing project I've ever shared and your support means the absolute world 💜
> 
> I hope this was a fitting epilogue and I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments. You can come find me on Twitter or Tumblr @trolleybitch too and I'm always happy to chat. 
> 
> Thank you 💕


End file.
